Link Dump

Miss Cellania — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 21:00:00 +0000

Most Awesome Lifetime Movie Titles Ever. (via Gorilla Mask)

Internet Vices.

Health Care Debate Update: The public option may not be dead, but it sure smells like a corpse.

Pictures of a polar bear attacking a human! (via Fark)

The weirdest news stories of the week.

Close Encounters of the Redneck Kind

Miss Cellania — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 20:00:44 +0000

Some things are so obvious, it only took a quarter-century for someone to think of this. (via b3ta)

I'm Hurt

Miss Cellania — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 18:51:01 +0000

Elmhurst Hospital lost of couple of lights in its letters. (via Buzzfeed)

For Northerners Moving South

Miss Cellania — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 17:02:01 +0000

In the South: If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store....do not buy food at this store.

Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.

(Thanks, April!)