Building an Airbus <object width="345" height="252"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Ht_uAZOawsA&hl=en"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Ht_uAZOawsA&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="345" height="252"></embed></object> If you’ve got the time, the full seven-minute version is .

Read all about airline meals at Airline Meals.You can even look up what's going to be served on your flight!

Collection of over 400 stewardess uniforms.

Airport is a cartoon of an airplane trip using infographics. This is clever!

HAMBURG (Thanks, Mike!)

A veteran British Airways captain had just flown into Hamburg airport after its major overhaul in the 1970's. The new taxiway arrangements were a bit unfamiliar to him, as he carefully navigated his way to the terminal.

An officious, impatient traffic controller upbraided him over the radio: "I thought all British Airways pilots were expert on the world's airports."

"I'm sorry," the captain replied. "It's just that the last time I was here was at night, in 1943."

PLANE MAINTENANCE
After every flight, Qantas Australia pilots fill out a form, called a "gripesheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

(Miss C here. I have seen this going around referring to different airplines, even the Air Force, so I would take the Qantas part with a grain of salt. But its still funny!)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Hostile Skies is a WWII dogfight game. I don't normally go for shoot-em-ups, but this was fun, easy to figure out and completely mouse-controlled.

All the information you could think of about airlines and more can be found at The Airchive.

Previously on Miss Cellania: The Friendly Skies, Air Travel, Airlines, Airplanes, Airport, Plane Fun, Military Pilots, and Snakes on a Plane!

Thought for today: Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.

This post was first published on April 27 2006.

humor jokes video funny airline pilot airplane jet flying aviation

I read about a site where you can post your picture and see how other people judge you accordingly. And of course you can judge other people by their picture. It’s called FaceStat and I decided to try it out. I upoaded the profile picture I use most often. You can see the results here. Users think I am about 37 years old, politically conservative, married, probably trustworthy, and bright. They don’t know me very well! My looks are “not bad”. I might score better there if they had any idea how wrong they are about my age. At least one described me as a “hag” and said I have “ugly glasses.” Bite me. The lesson is, you can’t judge people by their looks. If you decide to try it out, let me know so I can follow the misconceptions about you!



Raspberry Duet (via b3ta)

5 Psychological Experiments That Prove Humanity is Doomed. They do help us understand the craziness around us.

See how other Americans are spending their economic stimulus checks at the blog How I Spent My Stimulus. You can submit your own report, too! How are you going to spend your economic stimulus check?

The Rise and Fall of Atari. This is why you play video games today instead of pinball.

Trueroots has some suggestions for geeky gestures that will surprise Mom on Mothers Day. And they don’t cost much, either. 

Professor Arthur Shapiro started a blog about optical illusions called Illusion Sciences. He posts illusions, then explains why they fool the eye (or the mind).  (via J-Walk Blog )

The 6 Creepiest Comic Book Characters of All Time.

The most visually frightening bridge ever. The Sky Bridge in Langkawi, Malaysia is held up by one thin column set at an angle.

Game Shows Can Sap Your Brains Out.

CONVERSION

(via Phil’s Phun)
A Protestant minister moved into a Roman Catholics community. Every Friday he could be seen cooking steaks etc. Finally the people approached him and asked him to change to the Catholic Faith.

He agreed to do this and after a while the Bishop anointed him with Holy water, sprinkling him three times and saying, "In the name of the Father, the Son and the holy Ghost you are now a Catholic."

The next Friday the man was outside Barbecuing a roast of beef .

The people protested to him, so he got some water, blessed it, and sprinkled it on the meat saying "In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost you are now fish"

How fast can you type?
42 words

Speedtest
Not too shabby for someone who never learned to touch type. (via MotherPie)

It would take real talent to screw up a movie with this concept. The Nazis have been hiding out on the moon since 1945. Eventually, they’ll come back.

10 Insulting Words You Should Know. Because if you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, you can baffle them with these obscure terms.

Illustrator Mike Reed began caricaturing the personalities that forum users display during flame wars some years ago, and the collection has expanded over time. Surely you will recognize some of these Flame Warriors from your own experience. (via Everlasting Blort)

An animation from Chris Ware lets us all in on a married couple’s differing  versions of the same story. The story of “the story” is low key, believable, and altogether entertaining.

PERSPECTIVE

(via Bits and Pieces)
A man had lost one of his arms in an accident. One day he  felt terribly depressed and decided to  commit suicide.

He got into an elevator and went to the top  of a building to jump off.   He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man skipping along, whistling and kicking up his heels.  He looked closer  and saw this man didn’t have any arms at all.

He started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself. I still have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk happy and going on with his life.   He hurried down to the street and caught up to the man with no arms.

He told him how  glad he was to see him because he had lost one of his arms and felt ugly and useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him  again  for saving his life and he knew he could make it with one arm if that guy could go on with no arms.

The man with no arms began dancing and kicking up his heels again.

The one armed man asked, ‘why are you so happy anyway?’

He said, ‘I’m NOT happy …. my ass itches!'

Voice Talkers (via Everlasting Blort)

After decades of working in radio, this hits home. I used to dream in advertising cliches. And when I was married to another announcer, people used to comment on how weird it was to hear us speak to each other off-air. This video won second place in some YouTube contest.

Thought for today: The first day at the nudist colony is always the hardest. (via Wulfweard)

PS: Remember, you’ll have a head start on the links of the week if you check out Miss C Recommends every day!

humor jokes video funny games

It’s that time of year! Hello, bugs! All it takes is one drop of Koolaid in the floor and every ant and his brother comes to partake. The pond is full of mosquito larvae, and will be until I get a batch of goldfish that don’t immediately die on me. Yard work means turning over rocks and picking up branches that expose a variety of creepy-crawlies. But what you really notice is the caterpillars. A cherry tree next to the pond produces millions of them, and they are everywhere! My porch broom has dozens spinning cocoons. They are stuck between my tomato seedlings. I have to skim them off the surface of the pond. I occasionally see one on the floor. And I found one in my hair one night! I don’t scare easily, but cleaning up squished tent caterpillars is not my idea of fun. That’s the reason you can’t adopt them as pets, kids.



Stupid Bee Joke

Isabella Rossollini acts out the mating habits of various insects in a video series called Green Porno. It may seem explicit if you are an insect, but there’s no nudity. (via Boing Boing)

Insects look oh-so-gorgeous in the hands of the right photographer.

Do you want to see some really ugly bugs? Get up close and personal with the help of an electron scanning microscope.

The 5 Most Horrifying Bugs in the World.

A Butterfly Destroyed My Roof!

Tarantulas, grasshoppers, and scorpions are just the beginning of insects you can eat. Why do you think they call them “mealworms”?  (via Ursi’s Blog)

Evil Bee, a cool animated music video.

What happens when a bored bumblebee finds an electric razor? This is just bizarre enough that you’ll want to swallow your coffee before you look.

Wasps use venom to turn roaches into zombie slaves. Scientists can reverse the process, leading to a new defense tactic when the zombie invasion comes.

Scientists infiltrate cockroach colonies with robots. Not only were the robots accepted, they became leaders!

Francois Huber invented the modern beehive not for the honey, but to study bee behavior. But he still couldn’t observe them, because he was blind!

How romantic is it when you and your partner share flea bites?

The Largest Insects on Planet Earth. Nine bugs that you don’t want to see in your home!

Japanese Bug Fights is a website that showcases videos of different species of bugs in battle, including both insects and arachnids. Users are invited to submit videos. The rules:
1. Two Bugs to a fight
2. Bug fights go on as long as they have to
3. No outside weapons in Bug Fights
I posted this to Neatorama, and a shitstorm of comments came in, saying this is cruel and inhuman. What do you think?

Stung by a Bee

A woman runs into the golf course pro shop and screams, "I was just stung by a bee!"
The golf pro asks, "Where?"
Still screaming, the woman replies, "Between the first and second hole."
The pro scratches his head for a moment and replies, "It sounds like your stance is too wide."

POET OGDEN NASH ON INSECTS

THE TERMITE
Some primal termite knocked on wood
And tasted it, and found it good,
And that is why your Cousin May
Fell through the parlor floor today.

THE ANT
The ant has made himself illustrious
Through constant industry industrious.
So what?
Would you be calm and placid
If you were full of formic acid?

THE CENTIPEDE
I objurgate the centipede,
A bug we do not really need.
At sleepy-time he beats a path
Straight to the bedroom or the bath.
You always wallop where he's not,
Or, if he is, he makes a spot.

Previously at Miss Cellania: Insects, Insects and Bugs, Bugs, and Bugs and Insects.

Thought for today: Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

humor jokes video funny games insects bugs

Naw, this is still different. Lately, I've had a lot of fun teaching the kids how to perfectly roast a marshmallow over a bonfire and in the fireplace. We also are trying crystal rock candy, which is a hit-or-miss thing so far. They think that's adventuresome cooking, but they ain't seen nothin yet!

What happens when a bunch of geeks, mechanics, and slackers get hungry? I mean, besides calling Mom. If you don�t have a kitchen, you have to use your imagination, or whatever is lying around. There are some pretty resourceful folks out there!

Poached Salmon in a dishwasher.

Cooking chicken with a volcano.

Recipe for chili using a blowtorch.

Grilled cheese sandwich made with a steam iron.

Prison wine made in a toilet.

Beer in a coffeemaker.

Almost anything made by solar cooker.

How to cook an egg with a cellphone. Since I first published this, I found out it's an urban legend. Don't try it!

Cooking with a car engine is rather well known, thanks to the book Manifold Destiny, but I found an extra recipe thats about as odd as it gets, Manifold Stew.

A chemists recipe for chocolate chip cookies, with a critique from another chemist following. This is funny, IF you can follow it!

Here's a gallery of food that looks like other things.

This one's for the kids: How to make your own marshmallows.

For geeks who can't spare the time to even GO to the kitchen, here's an EZ Bake oven that plugs into your computer.

Recipes of the future, courtesy of the Electric Museum.

This is a great site for anyone who has read this far, Cooking for Engineers.

Recipes that make you afraid to go back in the kitchen.

This link will either scare you off microwaves, or arouse your curiosity. Remember, curiosity killed the cat. Unwise Microwave Oven Experiments.

Top Ten Signs You're at a Bad Barbecue
10. Everything on the grill has a long, thin tail.
9. To avoid burning, chicken breasts are covered in Coppertone.
8. The "cole slaw" is just mayonnaise and lawn trimmings.
7. The three-legged race is won by a three-legged guy.
6. Every couple minutes, the cook drops his pants and flips
himself with the spatula.
5. Host tells you the burgers are 20% beef and 80% critter.
4. The steaks have been sitting in marinade sauce all night,
and so has your Uncle Earl.
3. You have to sign a legal waiver before you eat the potato salad.
2. Things seem tense between your hosts, Frank and Kathie Lee.
1. The guests all have grill marks on their foreheads.

This may seem a little off-topic, but it wouldn't fit anywhere else. These recipes use normal cooking methods, but they might come in handy when you have something really strange to cook, like an alligator or armadillo or kangaroo.

Previously at Miss Cellania: Barbecue, Cooking, Cooking Food, Geek Cooking, and Recipes. Also see the Food category.

Thought for today: The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is having to eat them.

This post was originally published on November 3rd, 2005. Then I posted it again on April 7th, 2006 saying (at the time) "I said I would post reruns on Fridays until I get a date. OK, now I have a date planned. But I have not yet GONE on a date, so there is a possibility that this won't come off. Just bear with me til then. OK?" Now in 2008, I can reveal that the date was fun, nothing lasting came of it, and now I've been dateless for a year and a half. I'm only posting reruns now because I'm busy blogging for money and my inspiration is running low.

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