Entries from June 1, 2007 - July 1, 2007
Little Boys
Just ask anyone who has both boys and girls, there is a world of difference between them from the day of birth. My family had three little girls in a row. Then my nephew was born , and all the parental knowledge my generation had gleaned was tossed on its ear. I recently read an essay where a mother (an engineer) calculated that her son was 15.3 times as likely to do something extremely dangerous as her daughter... at age 16 months! So lets take a look at the world of little boys.
THINGS TO LEARN AND REMEMBER
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq.ft . house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few a times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jelly you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jelly.
15. VCR's do not eject sandwiches.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in petrol tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odour is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. Raw eggs and semi digested cheese stick to walls and ceilings very well.
25. 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
MORE STORIES
The stuff little boys get into! Here�s the Boys Guide to Spelunking.
The Radioactive Boy Scout.
This boy will have some explaining to do!
THE PHONE CALL (lifted from Wulfweard the White)
The call came through at about 3.30pm.
"Which emergency service do you require?"
"Police please," whispered the tiny voice on the other end of the phone. "Please tell them to come quickly."
"Can you tell me where you live?"
Again the whisper.
"246 Charles Street. The house is on fire."
"Do you need the fire men as well?"
"No they're already here."
"Are you OK?"
"Yes," came the whisper again, "well I am at the moment. Please ask the police to hurry. I'm really frightened."
"Are your parents there? Are they safe?"
"Yes."
"Are they with you?"
"No. They're searching for me with the firemen," the voice whispered again."They don't know where I am."
"Why aren't you with them? Where are you?"
"I'm hiding under the bed with the box of matches."
Andi Buchanan wrote a book about raising boys called It's a Boy: Women Writers on Raising Sons
Thought for today: I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy ...I'd have nothing to play with. - Rodney Dangerfield
How about your boys? Whats the wildest story you have?
This post originally appeared on January 23, 2006.
Miss Cellania
9 Comments
EmailJune 30 Links
News Flash: Congratulations to Scaramouch (webmaster at YesButNoButYes) and Cindy on the arrival of their littlest blogger, born at 1:00AM today! Boy or girl? He didn’t say, but you can see a picture here.
You probably haven't noticed (there's no reason you should) that I haven't posted "May's Best Links" or "June's Best Links". That idea was useful in its time, but now it is way too much trouble. I started doing it to make finding old links in the archives easier (mainly for myself). But now I finally have the archives in this blog almost cleaned up, sorted, and categorized. Near the top of the right sidebar, you'll see "Topics". That takes you to an alphabetical listing of post titles. I try to begin a title with the topic, but it doesn't work that way every time. Way down on the sidebar, under "Archives", you can get posts by month or category (such as "cats" or "Star Wars"). So if you need some jokes or material, check it out. It's not completely cleaned up, but I'm getting there.
Speaking of needing material, if anyone has a great idea for my Mental Floss posts (photo-intensive collections of anything interesting), I'd like to hear it! I don't mind doing the research, but inspiration is tough.
Hey There Delilah -Josh Romea
For waiting in line, no one on earth can beat the Japanese. I think.
Russian Sparta. This is too funny! Scenes of Russian life, many from viral videos you’re familiar with, set to the soundtrack of the trailer for the movie 300. (Thanks, Jan!)
Josh Blue
of last season’s Last Comic Standing uses his Cerebral Palsy as a source of material instead of a disability.
Another Neatorama trifecta: Couchmoflage, Catmoflage, and Carmoflage. Bonus: See if you can spot the British soldiers in this picture.
Attractors, a time-wasting bit of fun from The Cleverest. (Thanks, Actor212!)
ICE FISHING
(via Bits and Pieces)
There were two bubbas from Alabama who love to fish, and they wanted to try some ice fishing.
They'd heard about it up in Canada, and they took off for up there. The lakes were frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to a lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. One of them said, "We're going to need an ice pick."
So they got that, and they took off. In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, "We're going to need another dozen ice picks."
Well, the fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but he didn't. He sold him the picks, and the the guy left.
In about an hour, he was back. "We're going to need all the ice picks you've got."
The bait man couldn't stand it any longer. "By the way," he asked, "how are you fellows doing?"
"Not very well at all," he said. "We don't even have the boat in the water yet."
Who is this man? I recognized him!
The Hello Kitty Psycho Test. (via Hello Kitty Hell)
Guyliner, the scourge of masculinity. Jack Sparrow gets a pass, though.
LOL80s. Most are about as funny as the 80s were, meaning not at all, but there’s an occasional gem like this one to the right. (via Grow-A-Brain)
A cost breakdown of iPhone ownership.
Advice for the class of 2007.
How to get a better deal at Starbucks.
THE OUTHOUSE
(via Old Horsetail Snake)
Ma came in the house and yelled, "Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse."
He says, "There ain't nothin' wrong with the outhouse."
Ma yells back, "Yes there is! Now get out there and fix it!"
So Pa moseys out to the outhouse, looks around, and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nothin' wrong with the outhouse!"
She replied, "Stick yer head in the hole."
To which Pa responded, "I ain't stickin' my head in the hole."
But she insists: "You gotta stick yer head in the hole to see what's wrong."
So now, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around, and yells to Ma, "There ain't nothin' wrong with this outhouse, I tell ya."
"Now," she yells back, "take yer head outta the hole!"
Pat proceeds to back out of the hole, but then starts yellin', "Ma! Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!"
To which Ma replies, "Hurts, don't it?"
Thought for today: There is nothing so horrible in nature as to see a beautiful theory murdered by an ugly gang of facts. -Benjamin Franklin
Stumble this! 
Little Furballs
I’ve spent the last few weeks trying to convince my kids that we don’t need any more pets. Gothgrrl thinks a home with two cats would be a perfect place for mice, hamsters, and birds. I’m not telling her we have plenty of mice in the basement. Ha! Enough is enough. But I still like to look at cute little furballs, as long as I don’t have to clean up after them! You get pictures in your email every day full of sweet little animals that make you go “awww”. I’ve got more of those, and some that are not-so-sweet. I hope you’ll enjoy them.
Mocha the baby hamster loves his broccoli! (via Arbroath)
If that’s not cute overload, I don’t know what is. You can see Mocha as a three-day-old in this video.
You’ve seen the dramatic prairie dog. Now keep up with all the imitations, remixes, and merchandise with the Dramatic Prairie Dog Blog!
Although it only gets updated every few months, Lets Be Friends has cute pictures of unlikely animal buddies.
Watch a baby porcupine being fed.
The tiniest animals.
Rabbit Reattachment (via Wendell Wit)
A ferret’s first jalapeno. (via Gorilla Mask)
The best otter video ever. (via Everlasting Blort)
Don't interupt a hamster when he's eating popcorn at the piano.
Rare lemur triplets born at Palm Beach Zoo. With priceless picture. (via Fark)
DEAD BUNNY
After a long day at the office, Chris came home one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit was obviously dead.
Chris panicked!
"If my neighbors find out my dog killed their bunny, they'll hate me forever," he thought.
So he took the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house, gave it a bath and blow-dried its fur.
Chris knew his neighbors kept their back door open during the summer, so he sneaked inside and put the bunny back into the cage, hoping his neighbors would think it died of natural causes.
A couple of days later Chris and his neighbor saw each other outside.
"Did you hear that Fluffy died?" the neighbor asked.
"Oh. Uhmm... Sorry to hear that. What happened?" Chris mumbled.
The neighbor replied, "We just found him dead in his cage one day. But the strange thing is that the day after we buried him, we went out to dinner and someone must have dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage!"
MOUSES
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
'Here Kitty, kitty, kitty'!
How do you save a drowning mouse?
Use mouse to mouse resuscitation!
What is a mouse's favorite game?
Hide and squeak!
What do you call a mouse who can pick up a horse?
Sir!
How do mice celebrate when they move home?
With a mouse warming party!
Who has large antlers, a high voice and wears white gloves?
Mickey Moose!
FERRET RULES
1. If you have to go to the toilet the best place is next to the litterbox. Your human will appreciate if you do not get it all messed up, now that it has used time on cleaning it. If you can not do it there, the second best place is right in front of the door.
2. Do not allow closed doors in any room. To open a door, you must dig wildly in the carpet in front of the door. You human might have placed a carpet protection, DO NOT RUIN THE CARPET PROTECTION. Dig in the carpet next to the carpet protection. When the door opens, do your best to imitate a lightning.
3. If a guest seems afraid of you, first examine him, then try to crawl up his pants, to let him get to know you better. If you get stock, it helps to dig.
4. If a guest says something about how sweet you are then bite him in the nose to demonstrate that you also have a playful side.
5. Go with the guests in the bathroom, this is the best time to examine their cloth.
6. If one of your humans is working, sewing, knitting or writing and the other human is doing nothing. Stay with the busy one, crawl into the work, this is called to be helpful.
7. If your human is reading, it is helpful to crawl over the pages of the book. Try to put your head in between the pages to see how far your human is.
8. When you supervise the cooking, you must be right behind the legs of your human. Here you will not bee seen and will therefore easily bee stepped on, only to be picked up and be comforted. If this is done right it causes a tidbit from the guilty human.
9. It is very importent that you sleep during the day, so you are fresh in the best play hour between 02:00 and 04:00 in the morning. It is best if it is in your human's bed so it can play too.
10. Most importent is to start early on the training of your human. Humans can be hard to train, but they will learn if you begin early and are consistent.
Skunk Prank (Thanks, Louise!)
Previously at Miss Cellania: Lots of Critters.
Thought for today: Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
humor jokes video funny pets hamster otter ferret bunny mouse
Stumble this!
Traffic Problems
People worry about shark attacks, but shouldn’t. People worry about terrorist attacks, but the odds are still extremely low. Lots of folks are afraid of flying, but it’s still one of the safest methods of travel. Of all the things we should worry about, driving ranks up there at the top. If you aren’t elderly, it’s the mostly likely way to die. Yet we jump in our vehicles and roar around like we own the roads and never think about it. We should. I told my kids they will NOT be learning to drive until they know the rules of the road and how to find their way home. And they won’t know those things well until they are tall enough to ride in the front seat (yeah, I’m concerned about airbags, too). So I try to explain traffic to them while we’re in the car, but there are so many things to learn, it’s a wonder I ever learned them! I mainly reinforce the basics. Rule #1: do not hit anything with your car. Rule #2: avoid getting hit by other cars. Please.
This security camera footage is of a traffic intersection in St. Petersburg, Russia. There seems to be twelve lanes of traffic intersecting with no stoplights. At least I don’t see any lights. Apparently the drivers don’t, either! (via Arbroath)
A whole slew of dancing traffic cops from around the world.
Spot the Speed Trap game. Find the hidden cameras. (via Everlasting Blort)
Incomprehensible intersections. Also known as malfunction junctions. (via Neatorama)
A 19-year-old man was supposedly trying to commit suicide when he drove his car into a (closed) shopping mall in Florida. The car continued down the hallway, took out a perfume kiosk, then proceeded to the lower level via the escalator route. Security cameras were there to catch all the action for your entertainment. The driver was taken to the hospital for treatment of injuries and a psychiatric evaluation.
The signs on the Lincoln Tunnel clearly state that clearance is 13 feet. The rig Gilberto Cantu was driving was 13 feet, 6 inches. Still, he drove all the way through the tunnel before he realized he’d not only lost the top of his truck, but also took out the tunnel’s ceiling tiles! You’ll love the picture.
If you’re driving in Taiwan, and you see a traffic light that is both red and green, what do you do?
| Your Driving Is is: 49% Male, 51% Female |
 |
Pictures of strange accidents pictures, part one and part two. Makes you wonder how they did that!
Scariest accident ever! Be sure to look at all three pictures. Don’t be afraid to click the link, there’s no blood and guts, just... fear. (via Cynical-C)
NTSB
(via Bits and Pieces)
The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had funded a project with the US auto makers for the past five years. The NTSB covertly funded a project whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.
They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2% of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Shit!"
Only the state of Texas was different, where 89.3% of the final words were, "Hey Y'all, hold my beer and watch this!"
Tips on where the driver is from
One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: New York
One hand on wheel, one finger out window: Chicago
One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston
One hand on wheel, cradling cell phone,brick on accelerator: California
With gun in lap: L.A.
Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California.
Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy
One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game: Seattle
One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonalds bag out the window: Texas city male
One hand on wheel, one hand hanging out the window, keeping speed steadily at 70mph, driving down the center of the road unless coming around a blind curve, in which case they are on the left side of the road: Texas country male
One hand constantly refocusing the rear-view mirror to show different angles of the BIG hair, one hand going between mousse, brush, and rat-tail to keep the helmet hair going, both feet on the accelerator, poodle steering the car, chrome .38 revolver with mother of pearl inlaid handle in the glove compartment: Texas female
Both hands on steering wheel in a relaxed posture, eyes constantly checking the rear-view mirror to watch for visible emissions from their own or another's car: Colorado
One hand on steering wheel, yelling obscenities, the other hand waving gun out the window and firing repeatedly, keeping a careful eye out for landmarks along the way so as to be able to come back and pick up any bullets that didn't hit other motorists so as not to litter: Colorado resident on spotting a car with Texas plate.
Four wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: West Virginia male.
Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level, driving 35 on the interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on: Florida "seasoned citizen" driver, also known as "no-see-um"
What does a yellow light mean?
Thought for today: Please don't do any unnecessary driving unless it's absolutely necessary -radio announcer commenting on hazardous driving conditions.
humor jokes video funny games auto cars traffic commuting
Stumble this!