It ‘s such an old cliche: I don’t know art, but I know what I like. Sure, you feel that way yourself. There’s really no reason to argue about what is art and what is not, because if enough people like it, it becomes art, whether you agree or not (and whether any talent is involved or not). But that doesn’t mean we can’t make fun of it anyway. 

My Perfect Post Award for the month of January  goes to Old Guy’s
Treehouse for the story of The Little Red Shoes. He was inspired to write this when he saw the picture of an antique glass knicknack shaped like shoes. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it... it’s a work of art. You can see all the Perfect Post Awards for January at Petroville and at Suburban Turmoil. And you can sign up to give your own award next month!



Men on Art

The Museum of Bad Art. (via b3ta)

25 Secrets of the Mona Lisa.

Watch a digital artist at work.

Chopper Reed evaluates art. Audio NSFW.

Who painted this picture, and artist or an ape? I only scored 67% on this quiz! (via the Presurfer)

What would those classical sculptures look like in color? Surprise, many of them were probably in color when they were unveiled! Listverse has photos of ten classical statues as they are, and as they have been recreated in color. (via Cynical-C)

B3ta Photoshop Challenge: Extending Album Art.

The drawing of a face that survived all these years. Be sure to read all three parts of this, because it just gets better as you go.

Da Vinci’s The Last Supper has been rendered as a 16 billion pixel digital image. It may take a while to load, but you can really zoom in on this one!

Evolution of an Artist.

16 Post-It Note art projects. It’s amazing what you can do with too much free time and a closet of office supplies.

THEFT

(via Phil’s Phun)
A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and the make such an obvious error, he replied,

"Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings. I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

(And you thought I didn't have De Gaulle to tell you this one!)

Well, I figured I have nothing Toulouse.

Three Black Men

At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black willies, but the one in the middle had a pink willie.

The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment.
He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of black men in a predominately white, patriarchal society. 'In fact,' he pointed out, 'some serious critics believe that the pink willie also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.'

After the curator left, an Irishman, approached the couple and said, 'Would you like to know what the painting is really about?'

'Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?' asked the couple.

'Because I'm the guy who painted it,' he replied. 'In fact, there are no black men depicted at all! They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch.'

Previously at Miss Cellania: Art, Art Class, and Art Show.

Thought for today: I put my heart and my soul into my work, and have lost my mind in the process. -Vincent van Gogh

humor jokes video funny art artist painting

Princess only gets more cat-nutty as she gets older. She has such a loving heart that she spends her allowance on cat toys and cat treats. The cats are just as happy without them. They have quilted cat beds, but sleep in a box, or in bed with the kids at night. They have more combs and brushes than I do. But they are not only spoiled materially; they also get more than their share of cuddling and petting and catering. Gothgrrl is overly competitive, so she is working to pay more loving attention to  Gogo than Princess pays to Biscuit. What we’ve ended up with are the two most spoiled cats in town. Maybe the whole world!



Alaska Wants to Stay Outside (via Arbroath)

2007: The Year in Cats.

A collection of 38 pictures of cats caught in mid-pounce, just ripe for captioning. (via Cynical-C)

The folks at Metafilter took the opportunity to caption a member's cat. (via Grow-A-Brain)

You owe me a cat!

Happy little Cat Costumes. Guaranteed to make your cat sad. (via Cynical-C)

Snoring Cat.

South Korean scientists have produced cloned cats that produce RFP (Red Fluorescent Protein). The two Turkish Angoras glow in the dark when exposed to ultraviolet rays. This should make walking to the bathroom in the middle of the night a bit easier. (via Metafilter)

Story of an adorable kitten rescue. (via b3ta)

Missing Cat Found in Wrong Suitcase.

Have you ever wondered about Joel Veitch’s cat? Wonder no more!

VINDALOO

(via Phil’s Phun)
Gavin was walking along the High Street of his shire when a right English rain began to tumble down. Ducked he himself into a pub, whereupon friends he met, quaffed a number of pints, and then a few more, and began the long slow stagger home in the midnight hour.

Meandering in the cold, Gavin decided it was time to get himself an Indian curry, so he stepped into the nearest New Dehli Deli take-away and ordered an extra hot vindaloo. Getting home at long last, Gavin put the curry on the kitchen table while and went to the bathroom to freshen up.

Now it would come to pass that the house cat closed in on the curry and, hungry and bored, decided to take the temptation to task. Nom nom. Nibble nibble. Chow chow. Lick lick. The vindaloo vanished.

Sure enough, Gavin returned and was shocked to find his felis domesticatus fully immersed, whiskers in the sauce, licking the tin clean.

Gavin grabbed his cat by the scruff of its neck, and carried him out to the trash bin. "You horrible little floor mop. Now you've done it! Good riddance!" he shouted. Filling a trash can with water, he tossed the cat into it and slammed the lid down, keeping it weighted down with bricks.

Returning to his abode, Gavin started to feel very sorry for himself. A few minutes later he heard a knock on the window, and sure enough, when he looked there, he saw his cat.

The cat looked at him and asked,

"You wouldn't happen to have any more water, would you?"

UGLY THE CAT

by Lori (via Fark)
Everyone in the apartment complex I lived in knew who Ugly was. Ugly was the resident tomcat. Ugly loved three things in this world: fighting, eating garbage, and, shall we say, love.

The combination of these things combined with a life spent outside had their effect on Ugly. To start with, he had only one eye and where the other should have been was a hole. He was also missing his ear on the same side, his left foot appeared to have been badly broken at one time, and had healed at an unnatural angle, making him look like he was always turning the corner.

Ugly would have been a dark gray tabby, striped type, except for the sores covering his head, neck, and even his shoulders. Every time someone saw Ugly there was the same reaction. "That's one UGLY cat!!!"

All the children were warned not to touch him, the adults threw rocks at him, hosed him down, squirted him when he tried to come in their homes, or shut his paws in the door when he would not leave. Ugly always had the same reaction.

If you turned the hose on him, he would stand there, getting soaked until you gave up and quit. If you threw things at him, he would curl his lanky body around your feet in forgiveness. Whenever he spied children, he would come running, meowing frantically and bump his head against their hands, begging for their love. If you ever picked him up he would immediately begin suckling on your shirt, earrings, whatever he could find.

One day Ugly shared his love with the neighbor's dogs. They did not respond kindly, and Ugly was badly mauled. I tried to rush to his aid. By the time I got to where he was laying, it was apparent Ugly's sad life was almost at an end. As I picked him up and tried to carry him home, I could hear him wheezing and gasping, and could feel him struggling. It must be hurting him terribly, I thought.

Then I felt a familiar tugging, sucking sensation on my ear. Ugly, in so much pain, suffering and obviously dying, was trying to suckle my ear. I pulled him closer to me, and he bumped the palm of my hand with his head, then he turned his one golden eye towards me, and I could hear the distinct sound of purring.

Even in the greatest pain, that ugly battled scarred cat was asking only for a little affection, perhaps some compassion. At that moment I thought Ugly was the most beautiful, loving creature I had ever seen. Never once did he try to bite or scratch me, try to get away from me, or struggle in any way. Ugly just looked up at me completely trusting in me to relieve his pain.

Ugly died in my arms before I could get inside, but I sat and held him for a long time afterwards, thinking about how one scarred, deformed little stray could so alter my opinion about what it means to have true pureness of spirit, to love so totally and truly.

Ugly taught me more about giving and compassion than a thousand books, lectures, or talk show specials ever could, and for that I will always be thankful. He had been scarred on the outside, but I was scarred on the inside, and it was time for me to move on and learn to love truly and deeply. To give my total to those I cared for.

Many people want to be richer, more successful, well liked, beautiful, but for me...

I will always try to be Ugly. 

Previously at Miss Cellania: many posts on cats.

Thought for today: Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.  ~Joseph Wood Krutch  

humor jokes video funny pussy cats kittens feline

The file I’ve been keeping on the presidential campaign was started about a year ago. It’s been brewing so long that I had to dump some of the links because they didn’t even work anymore. I had to rework some stuff I’d written because it was hopelessly outdated. And now Thompson and Kucinich have dropped out. That totally wrecks the trophy wife jokes. If I waited any longer on this, there would be no jokes left... except for the one that is the American election campaign system itself. So, just for grins, we are going to pretend for the sake of this post, that Kucinich and Thompson are still in the race. And anyone else that may drop out from the time I write this until it gets on the net. OK?



The Big Issue for Voters is Bullshit

The living embodiment of an informed democracy.

Some people explain to Bill Maher why they are voting for a particular candidate.

The big question is: Which candidate has the hottest wife? Or husband?

The Stars Wars Guide to the Candidates. The 2008 presidential candidates are each linked with his/her Star Wars equivalent. (via the Presurfer)

Hero Builders has several action figures ready for the 2008 presidential campaign. You can now have your very own Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama (speaking or non-speaking) figure. They join Rudy Guilinani and other political action figures you are familiar with. Those are the only three candidates available so far... but the other possibilities aren’t nearly as interesting.

Get your very own Hillary Clinton Nutcracker. (via Everlasting Blort)

Presidential Pong.

Rudy Guliani. In drag. With Donald Trump.

Get the Obama t-shirt!

The Legend of Barak Obama. (via J-Walk Blog)

The 12 Worst Candidate Websites.

12 (more) Candidates to Keep Your Eye On. Just in case you need to call the authorities. (Research help for this article was provided by my favorite candidate for president  and my favorite candidate for not-president.)

Candidate Fred Thompson is now busy defending his much younger wife. In a recent interview, he said all criticism of his wife should be directed at him. As a result, conservative groups told Thompson he’s been showing too much cleavage. -Conan O’Brien (via Bits and Pieces)

5 Nastiest U.S. Presidential Elections in History.

Game: Kung Fu Election! (via Neatorama)

Serious political link: Electicker, a news aggregator where you can find all kinds of political headlines anytime. (via Metafilter)

If you don't like this post, you can always protest. It's the American Way.

DEMOCRATS AND REPUBLICANS

A man wearing a Democratic pin walks into a bar and sees a picture of President Bush hanging behind the bartender. He calls the bartender over and says, "You should take that picture down. George Bush is a blight upon this nation. He should be impeached."

The bartender, a life-long Republican, is completely offended. "Why you liberal piece of garbage. How dare you come into my bar and tell me how to run my business!"

"Listen, I'm the customer, so I'm always right." the man says. "That picture offends me, so I want you to take it down."

That tears it," the bartender says, "How would you like it if I came into your bar and told you what to do?"

"Well, you'd be the customer, so you'd be right," the man says.

"Fine, then let's switch places," the bartender says.

So, they do. The man takes the bartender's place behind the bar, and the bartender walks outside, waits a moment, and then comes back inside. The bartender sits at the bar and says to the bar, "You should take that pin off. The Democrats are destroying our country with their liberal agenda."

"Sorry," the man says, "but we don't serve Republicans here."

THE JOURNALIST

At a news conference, a journalist said to the politician running for the presidency, "Your secretary said publicly that you have a small penis. Would you please comment on this."

"The truth is," replied the politician, "that she has a big mouth."

THE HAIRCUT

(via Simply Left Behind)
One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week. " The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week." The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week." The professor is very happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen different books, such as "How to Improve Your Business" and "Becoming More Successful."

Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week." The Congressman is very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

Changes (via Sadly, No!)

Thought for today: If you do kiss a politician, remember this: You are not only kissing him, you are kissing every butt that he has kissed in the last eight years. -Jay Leno

humor jokes video funny games politics election primaries president politician

Grammar Nazis on the web often just voice what a lot of us think inside, but my experiences at Neatorama help me to bite my tongue. One little typo is guaranteed to bring out someone who’s only too willing to point it out to you (and everyone else). More than once, I’ve felt the need to point out that the particular author of this item uses English as a second, or third, or even fourth language. When I have wrong tense or a disagreeing plural, it’s usually because of overediting and poor proofreading, but we all need to lay off criticizing those who put out the effort to write in a non-native language. This realization made me more forgiving. I still cringe when native speakers confuse lose and loose, or there, their, and they’re, but I don’t say anything anymore... UNLESS it produces a really funny joke worth sharing!



Grammar Slammer

Go and enjoy this YouTube video. It’s just pretty pictures and music, but you really should read the story in the description, about learning English as a second language.

Improve your vocabulary with these 20 weird English words.

A mathematical formula shows why some English words change and others remain the same. (via Scribal Terror)

The world’s smallest crossword. For the answer, go to Russell Weekes' site and see the original. (via J-Walk Blog)

Nine Words that Don’t Mean What You Think. I would add “penultimate”. And “deceptively” is an adverb which should always modify a verb, not another adjective.

Words and phrases that you should hate, according to Holy Juan.

Are you gooder at grammar?

What they said, and what they MEANT to say.

Marina the philologist is Hot for Words. (via the Presurfer)

14 Signs of a Deficient Intellect. (via Dark Roasted Blend)

VOCABULARY

 
Stressing the importance of a good vocabulary, the teacher told her young charges, "Use a word ten times, and it shall be yours for life."

From somewhere in the back of the room, came a small male voice chanting, "Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda."

TWO LETTER ENGLISH WORD

(Thanks, Jeanine!)
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP."

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?

We call UP our friends, we brighten UP a room, we polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.

At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special. And this UP is confusing:

A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions .

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets UP the earth. When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP for now my time is UP, so it's time to shut UP!

Oh...one more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night?
U P

(I think this was George Carlin)

ODD ENGLISH WORDS

"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right. (Bet you tried this out mentally, didn't you?)

Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable. (I'll bet you're going to check this out.)

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt". (Are you doubting this?)

The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet. (Now, you KNOW you're going to try this out for accuracy, right?)

The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes). (Yep, I knew you were going to "do" this one.)

There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous (You're not doubting this, are you?)

There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious." (Yes, admit it, you are going to say ...... a e i o u)

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. (All you typists are going to test this out)

English is the Lingua Franca par exellence!

Previously at Miss Cellania: More posts on Language.

Thought for today: Grammar has gots to be one of the most importantest things ever?

humor jokes video funny games English language grammar syntax linguist