My little scientist Princess has always been fascinated by stars. One of her first English words was star, although it came out “ta”. Her favorite shape. Later, planets were her thing, and she was devastated when Pluto was downgraded. She wanted to be an astronomer for a while, til she left the telescope out in the yard one day too many and it was stolen. Now she is back to geology. Oh well. We still enjoy a cloudless night trying to identify the constellations.

This post was scheduled today because of the lunar eclipse on Saturday. Write yourself a note about it. I will, because I always have trouble remembering these things before they are over. But of course, there is the Lisa Nowak story, so I’ll have to address that before we go any further.

The Jealous Astronaut

Doesn’t this look like it could be the intro for a sitcom? Sort of an updated version of I Dream of Jeannie.

Late night jokes about astronaut Lisa Nowak.

Keep up with all the cool astronomy news with the Bad Astronomy Blog.

The Wikipedia knockoff of the day is Slackerpedia Galactica, factual pages on astronomical topics, but loaded with humor, jokes, cheesieness and the absurd.

Deep Space is an enchanting multimedia trip in photographs and music from millions of light years in deep space to our own small planet Earth. (via the Presurfer)

The case for downsizing the Solar System.

Start your day with the beauty of the cosmos at Astronomy Picture of the Day.

Looks like our friend Mike Ashley (also known as the pointmeister) has landed on Mars!

George and Loretta Whitesides will be the first couple to honeymoon in space. They have tickets to fly on Richard Branson’s Virgin Galactic Spaceline and it will be a childhood dream come true for both of them!

Yep, you can find the dumbest people on the internet making comments at YouTube. Thats a broad subject, but this particular comic from Xkcd belongs here. (Thanks, Bill!)

You Are From Neptune

You are dreamy and mystical, with a natural psychic ability. You love music, poetry, dance, and (most of all) the open sea. Your soul is filled with possibilities, and your heart overflows with compassion. You can be in a room full of friendly people and feel all alone. If you don't get carried away with one idea, your spiritual nature will see you through anything.

The European Space Agency launched the Rosetta space probe in 2004 to study the comet 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko. It should reach the comet by 2014. Rosetta has just passed Mars, and sent back some beautiful photographs.

The redneck astronomer.

Water found on Mars!

THREE ASTRONAUTS

Once upon a time NASA decided to send 3 astronauts to space for 2 years. NASA allowed each of them to take 200 pounds of baggage each. The first astronaut decided to take along his wife, the second decided to take along books to learn how to speak German, while the third astronaut decided to take along cigarettes.

Two years later, when the space shuttle landed, there was a big crowd waiting to welcome them home.

First came the first astronaut and his wife and each of them had a baby in their arms.

Next, out came the second astronaut speaking fluent German.

They both gave their speeches and got a rousing applause.

Suddenly out came the third astronaut with a cigarette in his mouth. He walked up to the podium and snarled to the crowd and asked, 'Has anyone got a friggin' match?!?'

ASTRONOMERS ONLINE

In the early days of the internet, astronomers were always getting booted from newsgroups (forums) by moderators who weren’t astronomers.

More years ago than I care to think about, back in the early days of on-line activity, there was a group of us that discussed astronomy on the old, old version of Prodigy (I still see some of their names here once in a while).  In those days, every posting was read by a censor prior to allowing it on-line......we had some real arguments over rejected postings because the censor that covered the "Outdoor Hobbies" area, where astronomy was covered, was _!!REALLY!! dumb!  She wouldn't allow any posting regarding Uranus (she once told me that she KNEW there was no planet with that obscene name), rejected any discussing about Saturn (no commercials were allowed, and our efforts to discuss Saturn were "thinly veiled attempts to promote automobile sales"), and when we tried to refer to Saturn as the "ringed" planet, she rejected those postings also as 'inappropriate".  She suggested that it would be "more appropriate" to talk about 'rings' on the jewelry making board. -Wayne Howell

Well, after all, astronomers do post messages along the lines of:
1) "Exactly how long is your tube?"
2) "I need a friend to help me grind this thing..."
3) "I want to get in a little naked-eye action."
4) "What's the closest anyone's ever gotten to Uranus?"
5) "You need a bigger unit so you can go deeper..."
6) "What's the best way to mount a Short-Tube?"
7) Reasons why smaller apertures are better...
8) Are you going to shoot the Virgin tonight?
9) She kept observing it as it rose higher and higher
10)  "Mine is bigger than yours"
11)  "Who says aperture doesn't count?"
12)  "We do it in the dark"
13)".....and all night long"
14)  EYEGASMS!
15) "I use shower caps over the end of my 10 and 6 inch..., you will need the extra large size for your 12.5 inch."
16) "Do you have your angle of the dangle correct?"
17) "Viagra kept me going all night long!"
18) "I love going deep ...."
19) "The deeper the better"
20) "Aperture always wins"

I Only Have Eyes for You (Thanks, Walter!)

Previously on Miss Cellania: Pluto

Thought for today: Astronomy's much more fun when you're not an astronomer. -Brian May

My Perfect Post Award for February goes to Big Shot Bob in Texas for not only a funny post, but the best headline ever: Supreme Court Strips Al Gore of Oscar; Declares George W. Bush Winner. This came out on Monday, right after Gore won an Oscar for the documentary An Inconvenient Truth. I wish I’d thought of that! You can find all the Perfect Post Awards for February listed at Petroville  and at Suburban Turmoil. If you want to give out your own award for next month, you can sign up at either site.

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It's a short month, so I'll try to keep this post short. Relatively. The most popular post of the month was Valentine’s Day , followed by Valentines. The world is full of romantics and cynics. Fart and New York, New York were popular, too, but overall traffic was way down in February. My extracurricular activities have been keeping me busy! I started using my old blogspot site as a linkdump. Its now named Miss C Recommends, and you can find fresh links there every day or two. I am proud to have also started part-time posting at Mental Floss this month! You can see a post from me there every Tuesday and Thursday. And although my personal life is still quite restricted, I received a dozen roses for Valentine's Day. From a man. One I'm not related to. Its the first time that has ever happened!

VIDEOS AND CARTOONS

Monty Python-Star Trek mashup.

How to Shower: Men vs. Women.

Baby Got Back, Gilbert and Sullivan style.

The best of the worst winter driving videos.

Ninja animal videos.

Pig wishes for 2007.  

Video games in the real world.

The classic Robert Tilton Fart Video. 

What do Do with Your Dead Hooker.

The March of the Sinister Ducks. 

March of the Librarians.

Science tackles the fart problem. 

In This World.

How to wash your cat. 

GAMES AND QUIZZES

Down the Drain. 

Plumber’s Butt.

You don’t know Jack.

Monty Python’s Spamalot game.

Are You A Real New Yorker?

The Famous Leader Test.

What secret superhero are you?

Spiderman game.

Smart or Stoopid? 

Tangerine Panic!

WEBSITES

NEWSFLASH: Mike Ashley of It Occurred to Me and Serena Joy of Parenthetically Speaking have unveiled a new blog called Verbicidal Tendencies, which takes a cockeyed look at words and the way we use and misuse them. They would love your input and submissions!

Ten Awesome Sports Destinations.

The world’s awfulest Valentines. 

Up Yours, Cupid!

The Weirdest High School Team Names.

Kiss My Ass, George.

Best doormat ever. 

The first YesButNoButYes podcast. 

The Worst Valentines gifts.

I LOVE these singing horses!

Real world Calvin and Hobbes snowmen.

Human Cursor. 

Periodic Tableware. 

LED and Resistor Circuits Sex Positions.

Rubber Duck Collection!

I need a Bahamavention. 

TOOLS

The Star Wars Quote Generator. 

Portrait Illustration Maker. 

Design your own kaleidoscopic snowflake. 

The Valentine’s Love Poem Generator. 

The Alien Limerick Generator.

Design your own romance novel cover!

Make an M&M that looks like you! 

SUBJECT INDEX

A Galaxy Far Away
Aliens From Outer Space
Books
Dangerous Old People
Ducks
Eyes
Fart
February 3 Links
February 10 Links
February 17 Links
February 24 Links
From the Comments #3
Groundhogs and Other Critters
Hollywood
Horses
Mardi Gras
Mars and Venus: He Said, She Said
Mars and Venus: Procedures
New York, New York
Plumber
Snowman
Superhero Roundup
Tech Funnies
Valentines
Valentine’s Day
Winter
Year of the Pig

On another note, I'm still collecting pictures of people wearing groucho glasses for my Flickr gallery. Send them in if you got 'em! 

Thought for today: For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they like. -Abraham Lincoln 

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I love Star Wars. Build a fictional world, populate it with interesting people who have fantastic adventures, then make fun of them. Life is good.

So here’s another collection of Star Wars stuff. If you haven’t been keeping up with this site for long, you might want to check out the previous Star Wars posts, too: Darth Vader, Dath Vatter, Sith Happens , Muppet Wars, Jedi Film Festival, and Take a Walk on the Dark Side (adult).

If you enjoyed the Monty Python-Star Trek mashup, you’ll love this encounter between King Arthur and Darth Vader.

 
TROOPS is a spoof of COPS set in the Star Wars Universe. Ten minutes.

Astromech.com, The Official Website of the R2 Builders Club. (via Grow-A-Brain)

The George Lucas Appreciation Society presents Star Wars shortened part one (episodes 1,2, and 3) Star Wars shortened, part Two (episodes 4, 5, and 6)

Plutos the Bubblemans shortened the Star Wars story to the ultimate.

Samuel L. Jackson lines edited out of Star Wars. Warning: Samuel L. Jackson lines.

What if Star Wars had been created during the silent film era?

Truly awful Star Wars merchandise. (via Neatorama)

Star Wars Gangsta Rap. Audio NSFW, but clever!

Wookieepedia, the Star Wars wiki.

Worth 1000 cast other celebrities as Star Wars characters. I honestly don’t recognize most of these celebritiees, but the ones I do are funny!

The Star Wars Quote Generator. The first quote that came up on me was “Look at the size of that thing!”

“Handy” Star Wars scene.

Its the final scene from Episode Four, the attack on the Death Star. When you’ve got a really low budget, you have to use your imagination! (via Neatorama)

Two Jedi Knights are campaigning at the UN for The Force to be recognized as a world religion.

The Chopped-Off Hands of Star Wars. The only site on the internet devoted to all the hands that got chopped off in the Star Wars saga. There’s enough of them.

Injuries of Darth Vader is a webpage detailing the physical infirmities suffered by Darth Vader.

WHY DARTH VADER MAKES A BAD ROOMMATE

10. Claims those long-distance calls to the Death Star aren't his.

9. Uses Jedi powers to shake up your root beer right before you open it.

8. He's always accusing you of hiding his asthma inhaler.

7. Claims he paid you the rent "a long, long time ago."

6. Dances around in nothing but cape and cowboy hat while doing "Darth Brooks" routine.

5. For once he could use the Force to lift his wet towel off the couch.

4. That scary music that plays when he enters a room gets old real fast.

3. You feel like an idiot saying, "No, Darth isn't here. He's on the ice planet Hoth."

2. It's not easy cleaning burnt Ewok fur off the barbecue grill.

1. He's constantly doing his lame James Earl Jones impression.

Star Wars scenes set to We Will All Go Together When We Go, a nuclear-age ditty from Tom Lehrer. (via Skippy the Bush Kangaroo)

Thought for today: I imagine a world of love, peace, and no wars. Then I imagine myself attacking that place because they would never expect it!

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My advice to young people: carpentry, electrical, and plumbing. Learn them. Those are things anyone can do, but few can do well. Those who do it well can make a ton of money and will never be out of work. There’s a dearth of competent tradespeople in my area, so getting a competent plumber to the house is a chore. The good ones are terribly busy, and the others make enough money so that they don’t really need your piddly little job, so they may show up or not. After much trial and error over the years, I’ve found a partnership of plumbers who know what they are doing, show up when they say, and who charge me less than they could. Together, that’s a rare and wonderful thing.

Peter tried to do his own plumbing once, and just about killed himself.

In the game Down the Drain, you must draw a path for the drop of water to find its way through. Fascinating when you get to the higher levels! (via Dump Trumpet)

Make this guy sing in the shower with Shower Song. He’s not bad! (via b3ta)

The Shower Test. I always wash my hair first.

He had all the right parts, he just lost the assembly instructions.

SONS

A proud father was showing a fellow worker a picture of his five grown sons. His friend asked what they did for a living. The father said the older two are doctors and the youngest two are lawyers. The friend asked about the middle son and the father said, "Oh, he's a plumber. Someone had to pay for all the others educations."

He’s the Plumber

Josephine the plumber.

Famous plumbers.

And now a word from our sponsor, Plumber’s Butt Caulk.

In the game Plumber’s Butt the object is to give a long-tail T-shirt to each plumber. In a hurry!

MENS ROOM

(via Bits and Pieces)
In the men's room at work, the boss placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it, "THINK!"
The next day, when he went to the men's room, he looked at the sign and right below it, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone  had carefully lettered another sign which read, "THOAP!"

THE PROFESSOR

(via Joanne Jacobs)
A professor of mathematics noticed that his kitchen sink at his home leaked. He called a plumber. The plumber came the next day and sealed a few screws, and everything was working as before.

The professor was delighted. However, when the plumber gave him the bill a minute later, he was shocked.

“This is one-third of my monthly salary!” he yelled.

Well, all the same he paid it and then the plumber said to him, “I understand your position as a professor. Why don’t you come to our company and apply for a plumber position? You will earn three times as much as a professor. But remember, when you apply, tell them that you only got through seventh grade. They don’t like educated people.”

So it happened. The professor got a job as a plumber and his life significantly improved. He just had to seal a screw or two occasionally, and his salary went up significantly.

One day, the board of the plumbing company decided that every plumber had to go to evening classes to complete the eighth grade. So, our professor had to go there too. It just happened that the first class was math. The evening teacher, to check students’ knowledge, asked for a formula for the area of a circle. The person asked was the professor. He
jumped to the board, and then he realized that he had forgotten the formula. He started to reason it, and he filled the white board with integrals, differentials, and other advanced formulas to derive the result he needed. He got “minus pi times r squared.”

He didn’t like the minus, so he started all over again. He got the minus again. No matter how many times he tried, he always got a minus. He was frustrated. He gave the class a frightened look and saw all the plumbers whisper: “Switch the limits of the integral!!”

Thought for today: The society which scorns excellence in plumbing as a humble activity and tolerates shoddiness in philosophy because it is an exalted activity will have neither good plumbing nor good philosophy: neither its pipes nor its theories will hold water. -John W. Gardner

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