Yesterday, I got two things done before work. I donated a pint of blood, and I dyed my hair. Guess which one was more traumatic? The hair, of course. See, Clairol has apparently discontinued the dye I'd been using for years, probably because it was cheap and had a low profit margin. Now I know why old people don't take to change very well. Having to start over with a new product took me out of my comfort zone. So I told myself, its JUST HAIR, no matter how bad it is, it will grow back eventually. So I picked something that said 'blonde' and 'permanent' for about $8. Thats a lot more than I used to spend. (edited two years later to add: and I spent even less on my looks now that I no longer have a "real" job! Now I just go as long as I possible can before I even look in the mirror.)

I don't think I will buy the same product next time. The color was not comparable to the box front, and it fried my scalp pretty good. I can just imagine the chemicals seeping into my brain cells. But the job is done, and I don't have to worry about it for quite some time. See, it will be a few weeks before I am even back to the Official East Kentucky Hairstyle, as pictured here.

At the Beauty Salon

WHILE getting my hair cut at a neighborhood shop, I asked the barber when would be the best time to bring in my two-year-old son. Without hesitation, the barber answered, "When he's four."

WHEN a new permanent turned out to be a disaster, I phoned my husband and issued a one-line warning: "Don't say anything about my hair." During dinner, we discussed the weather, his day at the office � anything but my hair. I began to feel uneasy. Finally, when we were washing the dishes, he said in a serious tone, "You'd better go now. My wife will be here any moment, and she wouldn't like to find me with a strange woman."

The International Ginger Kids Foundation works to achieve equality, understanding, tolerance, and acceptance for Redheaded Kids all over the world.

A site celebrating the Monobrow.

How to look like Kenny Rogers.

You are gonna giggle at this video of women getting a Bikini wax!

Photos of women with extremely long hair.

Hair History: A blog of vintage hairstyles.







THE BLONDE JOKE

A blonde walks into a beauty salon to get a hair cut with headphones on. The hairdresser asks her to take them off for the haircut and she replies, "I can't, I'll die." She proceeds to cut her hair and it looks awful.

Six weeks later the same blonde comes in for another haircut. The hairdresser pleads with her, "Please take your headphones off - I can make your hair look beautiful." Once again the blonde replies, "I can't, I'll die". So she receives another awful haircut.

Six weeks later the blonde show up at the salon and once again the hairdresser says, "Please take your headphones off - I can make your hair beautiful if you would just take off the headphones". And once again the blonde replies, "I can't, I'll die".

The hairstylist proceeds to cut her hair. While doing so the blonde falls asleep. The hairstylist quickly thinks to herself - I will remove the headphones and replace them before she wakes up, I'll make her hair beautiful. Seconds after doing this the blonde falls off the chair. The hairdresser checked her and she wasn't breathing.

Dying to know what was keeping her alive with the headphones on, The hairsytlist places them on her head. And she hears............

"Breathe in, breathe out - breathe in, breath out - ........"

Your Hair Should Be Blue

Wild, brilliant, and out of control. You're a risk taker with an eye to the future.

Previously at Miss Cellania: Haircut, Beauty, Body Hair, Bald Men, and Real Beauty.

Thought for today: Never purchase beauty products in a hardware store. -Miss Piggy

This post originally appeared on March 15th, 2006.

humor links video funny hair beauty grooming salon

You might guess that I do have one particular favorite brand of brassiere. I never understood why I should cross my heart (is that a pledge to tell the truth?), I’m not going to wear any bra for 18 hours, and the very idea of a living bra is too creepy. Playtex is fine for Grandma, Bali is pretty for those who are already perfect, but give me a Wonderbra anyday. For many years, all I wore was $10 discount store bras, and made jokes about my flat chest. Then ye olde bra fitter at the fancy schmancy department store opened my eyes to the way it could be. A $40 bra? You betcha... it makes me look that much better as to be worth its weight in gold (as if I could afford that). But is it just an illusion? The standard joke about the Wonderbra is that when you take it off, he wonders where it all went. Believe me, it’s still there, it’s just wandered off to wherever gravity deems. But as long as the bra is on, it’s magic!

Fan-made Wonderbra Ad (via YesButNoButYes)

The Wonderbra site. They are showcasing the new Variable Cleavage style that has an adjustable slider in the front, allowing you to rachet up the cleavage illusion. Yes, it’s magic. 

Wonderbra vs. Cadbury Gorilla. Which do you prefer?

Another clever Wonderbra ad.

The Wonderbra Hills.

24 Unusual Bras. (via the Presurfer)

Underwear Tug of War.

The Cardrona Bra Fence in New Zealand.

The Bikini Butt Bra. (via GiggleSugar)

On the importance of boobs.

Q: Whats the difference between a Wonderbra and the French World Cup squad?
A: A Wonderbra has decent support and a cup.

The Magic Bra

A woman went to the doctor asking for larger breasts. The doctor gave her the choice of either having implants or wearing a magic bra. "When you flap your arms up and down, the bra inflates," the doctor explained. Of course, the women chose the bra.

The next day she was out at a bar with girlfriends and noticed an attractive man sitting at the end of the bar. Flapping her arms, she strolled over to flirt with the man and he started flapping his legs.

"I see we have the same doctor," the man said.

BOOBICONS

 
(o)(o) Perfect breasts

( + )( + ) Fake silicone breasts

(*)(*) Perky breasts

(@)(@) Big nipple breasts

oo A cups

{ O }{ O } D cups

( ^ )( ^ ) Cold breasts

(o)(O) Lopsided breasts

(Q)(O) Pierced Breasts

(p)(p) Hanging Tassels Breasts

\ o /\ o/ Grandma's Breasts

( - )( - ) Against The Shower Door Breasts

| o | | o | Android Breasts

($)($) Martha Stewart's Breasts

And of course,

(oYo) Wonderbra breasts.

Previously at Miss Cellania: Bras, Bras 2,  Breasts, Underwear, Underthings, Underwear and Lingerie, and Fresh Underwear. 

Thought for today: In the last couple of weeks, I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra. Is that really a problem in this country? Men not paying enough attention to women's breasts? -Jay Leno

humor jokes video funny games breasts brassiere breasts lingerie Wonderbra underwear

 

Remember when we were kids, and you wanted to make friends? The first questions were "Whats your name? How old are you?" Later on, in college, the questions were more refined to elicit meaningful information, "Where are you from? What's your major?" Now, people meet without even seeing each other, but we still try to ask the questions that give us some idea of what kind of person the other may be. One of the first is "Do you have any tattoos or piercings?" Then you draw your own conclusions from the answer. Every tattoo has a story. So do piercings. You'll either get a simple "no" (or a simple "just pierced ears"), or else you'll get a story that will reveal.. something or other.

I do not have any tattoos yet. At the radio station a couple of months ago, one of my co-workers was showing off her new tattoo. Everyone else had to compare their tattoos. I was the only one without a piece of body art. I don't regret that, but it made me feel old. I always thought life had enough pain in it, without paying for more. Here are some links and pictures of tattoos, as well as piercings and other body modifications.

Tattoo Removal

See lots of tattoos at Every Tattoo.

Masonic tattoos.

Its hard to hide your identity when you have your name tattooed on your back!

THE ROSE
Two elderly women were in a beauty parlor getting their hair done, when in walked a young chick with a low-cut blouse that revealed a beautiful rose tattooed on one boob.

One woman leaned over to the other and said, "Poor thing. She doesn't know it, but in 50 years she'll have a long-stemmed rose in a hanging basket."

Taking body modifications to the next level. This ain't real (note the date at the bottom), but its sure weird!

Some push the body mod envelope with tongue splitting.

Here we see an example of a tattoo AND a body mod. However, I don't think the finger was removed on purpose. I would wager money that the missing finger has a "L" tattooed on it. Take it as a warning against trusting in luck.

The Tattooed Banana. Art made by scratching the peel of a banana, so that it turns black. I am aware this is off-topic. So sue me.

DENNIS RODMAN

A woman is picked up by Dennis Rodman in a bar.  They like each other and she goes back with him to  his hotel room. He removes his shirt revealing all his  tattoos and she sees that on his arm is one which  reads, "Reebok." She thinks that is a bit odd and  asks him about it.

Dennis says, "When I play basketball, the cameras  pick up the tattoo and Reebok pays me for  advertisement." A bit later, his pants are off and she  sees "Puma" tattooed on his leg. He gives the same  explanation for the unusual tattoo. Finally, the  underwear comes off and she sees the word "AIDS"  tattooed on his penis. She jumps back with shock.

"I'm not going to do it with a guy who has AIDS!"

He says, "It's cool baby. In a minute it's going to say  'ADIDAS'...

TATTOO AT AGE 70
The doctor noted with astonishment a tattoo of a bluebird on the shoulder of his 70 year old patient, who was in his office for her annual check up.

"I just got it last week," she explained. "I've wanted a tattoo all my life, and I finally got one!"

"But why did you wait all these years if you really wanted one?" the doctor asked. 

"Until now," she replied, "I was afraid of what my mother would say!!!"

Previously at Miss Cellania: Bodymods, Tattoo Types, and Plastic Surgery. 

Thought for today: Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

PS Some stuff aimed at the usual suspects: More than one person has asked me recently about putting more personal content in this blog. When I started this project, the purpose was to give people something to enjoy; something to laugh at, or at least smile. At the time, my personal life was crap and I couldn't come up with anything that wasn't whiney, depressing, or angry. And I could never believe that anyone would be interested in my everyday life, opinions, or feelings anyway. I wouldn't know where to start. I've thought about starting a second blog for such things, but I don't think there's enough material to keep it going, or to keep it interesting. There is a struggle between sharing and privacy that I haven't settled yet. So what do you think? I can share a bit more of my life here IF there is any interest... and I will still include the jokes. What would you like to hear about? Give me a question and I will probably answer it. I might give you more than you asked for. Just let me know what I should write about and I will give it a try. Thanks!

 This post originally appeared on March 5, 2006.
******************************

humor jokes video funny tat tattoo tramp stamp bodymod piercing body art

My older daughter constantly needs new shoes because she is growing, and my younger daughter has more than she can wear. Gothgrrl doesn’t outgrow shoes before she gets more. She has a steady supply from her sister, so she feels no need to keep up with her shoes at all. Princess never has more than one pair of tennis shoes and one pair of Mary Janes that fit, but does that cause her to keep up with them? Noooo! She’s at a point now where she can wear my shoes, and its easier for her to take a pair of mine than look for hers. And she’s noticed I have several pair...  seven pairs of shoes and three pairs of boots. Why? because I never outgrow shoes. Some of those are twenty years old, and some are secondhand. But I take care of them.  



Taking the boots off. (via Dark Roasted Blend)

iShoes. Roll your way to work at 15 mph. (via Unique Daily)

Lots of weird shoes. (via the Presurfer)

The Virtual Shoe Museum.

I dreamt (sic) I had a lot of toes. (via the Presurfer)

A waitress in China has refused a disability pension even though she was born with feet that face backwards. She says she can work fine, and can run faster than you can!

How to paint your shoes. (via Everlasting Blort)

A kitten, a mirror, and a pair of shoes.

Modern priorities.

This looks like some kind of apparatus for shoe fetishists, but its a real shoe tester, in an article from 1938. (via Scribal Terror)

Art made from recycled shoes.

NEW BOOTS

A young man bought a new pair of boots, of which he was very proud. So he decided to go dancing and give them a try. After dancing with one lady for a few minutes, he said, "I bet you I can guess the color of your panties."

"Okay," she replied. "What color do you think they are?"

"Blue," he answered.

"How did you know that?" she asked.

"I saw the reflection in my shiny new boots," he said.

"Here," she said, "dance with my sister and tell her what color she has on."

After dancing a while, the young man started rubbing his toes on his pant cuffs, then started to dance again. After a few minutes he asked the second lady, "What color panties do you have on? I can't seem to make them out."

To which she replied, "I don't have any panties on."

With a sigh of relief the young man said, "Oh good. For a minute I thought I had a crack in my new boots."

SWOLLEN FEET

(via Phil’s Phun)
A man goes to the doctor with a swollen foot. After a careful examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to choke a horse.

"I'll be right back with some water," the doctor tells him.

The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience. He hobbles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat.

He hobbles back into the examining room.

The doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water.

"Ok,after the tablet dissolves, soak that leg for at least 30 minutes.

Bigfoot. Size 13.5

Thought for today: Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

humor jokes video funny games shoes boots footwear feet