Nice Crop Circles

There are some standard steps in creating crop circles, and I've found a nifty how-to site.

Crop Circle Quest has some nice pictures of crop circles seen in Canada. If you liked those, here are some more pictures of circles.

Muppet fans will love this one, even if it was photographed in 1948.

Crop circles have even been used for advertisements.

You have to start somewhere, but I'd recommend learning from and with an experienced artist, because an amateur job might give aliens a bad name. What would Jor-El or Mr. Spock think of this lousy job?

You may want to display your sense of humor in a circle.

If you seriously want to read more about crop circles, go to The Adventure. It may take all day to read, but you'll be well-informed afterward.

CROP CIRCLE MEANINGS
If crop circles are supposed to be a messages (like billboards) to UFOs, what do they mean? Top possible translations:
15. "Got Milk?"

14. "Last Planet Before the Skyway"

13. "Clean Restrooms, 12 Miles"

12. "When in Southern California, Visit Universal City"

11. "Neptune Starbucks, Open 'Til Midnight"

10. "Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity", Only at Intergalactic House of Pancakes"

9. "McDonald's Next Exit, Mothership Drivers Eat Free"

8. "Marvin the Martian Was Here"

7. "Sigourney Lives!"

6. "Honk, if You Love Shatner"

5. "For a good time, call Jolly Green Giant ... 555-NIBLETS"

4. "'Star Trek Nemesis,' 12 / 13 / 02"

3. "Gort! Klaatu barada Hooters!"

2. "Welcome to Earth: An AOL Time-Warner Company"

And the number one translation of alien crop circle signs:

"You Must Be This Tall to Invade"

Thought for today: If aliens would consider us insane when they see crop circles, what could they possibly think when they see football?

This post originally appeared on November 9, 2005.

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A curious phenomena this week: all the sudden I’m getting tons of emails from PR folks wanting to send me free samples of this and that. It’s happened a few times before, but few and far between. And they aren’t writing me because of Neatorama or mental_floss, they are wanting me to mention their product here at Miss Cellania! I don’t really understand, since I don’t have much traffic, and certainly no more than I did last year. Still, although I’ve done it before, I’m not going to make a habit of mentioning products for a little free swag. I got plenty of that in radio without having to do anything! Here, I sell advertising. If you want something on this site, it will either be entertaining enough to qualify as content, or else you’ll have to pay for it. That said, I still welcome any joke or link suggestions from anyone, even your own stuff. If it’s good, it will go up sooner or later on one site or another. If not, rest assured I appreciate the suggestions anyway. If you’re selling deodorant or soda pop, buy an ad.



Animated Graffiti (via Neatorama)

The 6 Most Frequently Quoted Bullsh*t Statistics.

7 Wizards… or are they all the same guy?

Stephen Colbert defends Bill O’Reilly on the recently-surfaced tape of him losing it on the set of Inside Edition. In solidarity with his hero, Colbert drags out a tape of the time he pulled a similar tantrum.

How to Love a Lego Lunatic. A ten point system for dealing with your significant other’s obsession.

Charles Barkley Does a Ron Burgundy. A classic TelePrompTer prank for which he fell hook, line, and sinker.

THE MAID

(Thanks, Rich!)
Olga, the maid announced to her boss, Mrs. Blanco, that she was quitting.

When Mrs. Blanco asked why, Olga replied, "I'm in the family way."

Mrs. Blanco was totally surprised and shocked, and asked who the father could be.

"Your husband and your son," replied Olga.

Mortified, Mrs. Blanco demanded an explanation.

"Well," Olga explained, "I go to the library to clean it and your husband say, 'You are in the way'. I go to the living room to clean and your son say 'You are in my way'. So I'm in the family way and I can't do the work you hired me to do so I quit."

The Idiot Test. I think I passed... does that mean I’m an idiot?

Send $10 to The Something Store, and they will send you something. You won’t know what it is until you open it, but hey, it’s only ten dollars! Free shipping!

When you put an individually-wrapped cheese slice on a barbecue grill, the plastic will inflate while the cheese melts and boils. The object of the sport of cheese racing is to see whose slice reaches full inflation first.

25 of the Strangest Collections on the Web.

How president Bush is portrayed in international advertisements.

Truth in Website Logos.

Long before internet shopping, Wile E. Coyote got all his products via mail order from the ACME Catalog. ACME sold just about anything you’d ever need! You can take a look at the catalog yourself. (via Dump Trumpet)

How to make your eye feel like it's closed, when it's actually open. This is why pirates wore eye patches, for instant night vision. Let me know if it works for you.

The weirdest news stories of the week.

TRAVELING SALESMEN

(via Phil’s Phun)
Farmer Jones lives with his tame bear in the remote country with only dirt access roads.

His tame bear had been naughty that day so he put him in the barn and said "You stay here until you learn how to behave yourself."

Shortly afterwards it begin to rain (a real heavy downpour). About an hour later a traveling salesman got stuck in the mud
and asked the Farmer for a place to stay.

The Farmer told him he didn't have room in the house, however he could stay in the barn. He told the salesman there were no lights in the barn and his tame bear was in the barn. The Farmer said the bear would not bother him. The salesman went to the barn.

Later another traveling salesman got stuck in the mud and the Farmer told him about the barn-no lights and the tame bear. The salesmen left for the barn.

One hour later a woman got stuck in the mud and approached the Farmer. He told her about the barn and mentioned the two travelling salesmen (he was so concerned about the salesmen he forgot to mention the bear).

The woman said, "I can take care of myself." and left for the barn.

Two hours later the Farmer was awakened by heavy knocking at the door. When opening the door the woman was standing there with her clothes torn and rumpled. The Farmer said, "Good heavens what happened to you?"

The woman replied,  "I give up on human nature, the first guy gave me forty dollars, the second guy gave me fifty dollars, but that cheap bastard in the fur coat never even said thanks."

Thought for today: If at first you succeed, try to hide your astonishment.

PS: Remember, you’ll have a head start on the links of the week if you check out Miss C Recommends every day!

humor jokes video funny games

You’re not going to beat a dog for utter loyalty and devotion. You’re not going to beat a dog in any way, because beating dogs is just wrong. Dogs are pack animals and are always happiest when they know their place in the hierarchy. Once that’s figured out, they will give their all happily to please the alpha dog -which is you, if you own the dog. It doesn’t matter that you are ugly, broke, obnoxious, or smelly, you are still the alpha and that’s all that matters. Just seeing you makes a dog’s day, and pleasing you makes them feel on top of the world. It’s not the way I’d want to live my life, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but that’s just the way a dog’s world is. The least we can do is treat them right. They deserve it, no matter how silly they are.



The Dog and the Door (via Bits and Pieces)

Lots of LOLdogs are at I Has A Hotdog.

Fetch!

Queenie in Trouble. A strange excerpt from The Dogway Melody circa 1930.

Dogs with Dye Jobs. (via J-Walk Blog)

A dog suffers from cervical fractures and spinal cord trauma. His name is Lucky. Yes, it’s an old joke, but it’s also the true story of a dog you’ll cheer for.

Dog Thong to iPaw: 15 Pet Products We Can't Believe Exist. The political dog chews are kid of tempting.

Relative Dog Motion. A discussion on physics with the family dog, which helps me understand relativity better than any textbook.

The Dog

by Ogden Nash
The truth I do not stretch or shove
When I state that the dog is full of love.
I've also found, by actual test,
A wet dog is the lovingest.

Violin

(via Dribbleglass)
Little Johnny was practicing the violin in the living room while his Uncle was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Johnny's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly.

His uncle listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, "For Pete's sake, Johnny, can't you play something this damn dog doesn't know?"

NEW DOG BREEDS

(via Bits and Pieces)
The following breeds are now recognized by the AKC:

Collie + Lhasa Apso
Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport.

Spitz + Chow Chow
Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot.

Pointer + Setter
Poinsetter, the traditional Christmas pet.

Great Pyrenees + Dachshund
Pyradachs, a puzzling breed.

Pekingese + Lhasa Apso
Peekasso, an abstract dog.

Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel
Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as mountain air.

Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever
Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists.

Terrier + Bulldog
Terribull, not a good dog.

Bloodhound + Labrador
Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly.

Malamute + Pointer
Moot Point, owned by…oh, well, it doesn’t matter anyway.

Collie + Malamute
Commute, a dog that travels to work.

Deerhound + Terrier
Derriere, a dog that’s true to the end.

Bull Terrier + Shitzu
You figure this one out.

GOLF DOG

A man and his friend meet at the club house and decide to play a round of golf together.

The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt, the little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs and walks in circles.

The friend is quite amazed at this clever trick and says, "Wow, that dog is really talented! What does he do if you miss a putt?"

"Somersaults," says the man.

"Somersaults?!" says the friend, "That's incredible. How many does he do?"

"Hmmm," says the man. "That depends on how hard I kick him."

Persistance (via Arbroath)

Previously at Miss Cellania: Dog Humor, Dogs, Dogs and Cats, Dogs and More Dogs, Puppy Dogs, Dogs and Puppies.

Thought for today: No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.  ~Christopher Morley

humor jokes video funny dog puppy canine pet

Honestly, the main thing I need is to get out of the house (and away from the desk drawer) and get a life. It would probably help my blogging in the long run. But who has the time with post requirements and deadlines?

Cheesecake

See amazing things made of candy at Sugart.

Cuppycake Gumdrop Snookums. You need to have your insulin ready for this one.

Virtual Ice Cream Cone Generator.

Pie blogging, for pie fans.

Red Velvet Cake does not taste like velvet. Devil's Food Cake does not taste like hell. So what about Urinal Cakes?

Indulge online at The Candy Addict. Don't miss the Top Ten Candy Urban Legends.

THE BAKE SALE

(Thanks, Wendy!)

Have you ever told a white lie? You are going to love this.... Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church ladies' group bake sale in Tuscaloosa, but she forgot to do it until the last minute. She remembered it the morning of the bake sale!

After rummaging through cabinets she found an angel food cake mix and quickly made it while drying her hair, dressing and helping her son Bryan pack up for Scout camp. But when Alice took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured. "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another cake."

This cake was so important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church, and in her new community of new friends. So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake. Alice found it in the bathroom -- a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and then covered it with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect!

Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter Amanda and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened at 9:30, buy that cake and bring it home. When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found that the attractive perfect cake had already been sold. Amanda grabbed her cell phone and called her Mom.

Alice was horrified. She was beside herself. Everyone would know, what would they think? She would be ostracized, talked about, ridiculed. All night Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing their fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.

The next day, Alice promised herself that she would try not to think about the cake and would attend the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a friend of a friend and try to have a good time. Alice did not really want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at the fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa, but having already RSVP'd she could not think of a believable excuse to stay home.

The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old South and to Alice's horror, the CAKE in question was presented for dessert.

Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake, she started, out of her chair to rush to tell her hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor's wife said, "What a beautiful cake!" Alice, who was still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, Thank you, I baked it myself."

Alice smiled and thought to herself, "GOD is good."

Previously at Miss Cellania: Chocolate, Chocolate Candy, Chocolate and Coffee, Christmas Treats, Halloween Candy, Peeps, Easter Eggs, and Bunnies, Coffee and Chocolate, and Fruitcake.

Thought for today: Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Coincidence? I think not!

The original version of this post appeared on April 4, 2006. It once included a plug for the Sexiest Male Blogger Contest, which is why the comments make no sense.

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