Improved Words
Wednesday, 02.03.10 @ 12:02AM 
The following list of words was generated by Washington Post Style Section readers along about 2005 in response to a call for contest entries. The rules were to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing of one letter, and supply a new definition.
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
2. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
12. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
14. Glibido: All talk and no action.
15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
I don't know how many people have sent me this list over the years. I always think, "Yeah, I've posted that before." But I haven't. I put that list in my old jokes newsletter that predated the blog (and I didn't keep copies). I had to do a thorough search before I realized that. Anyway, the latest person to send this to me is Bryant Woods of My Thoughts Inexactly. He went so far as to add his own contributions to the list:
Words I would add that seem to catch the spirit of the thing:
limbit (n): the farthest out on a tree branch one can crawl before the branch breaks off
procrastilate (adj): used to describe a project past its deadline because one has continued to put it off
gagazine (n): publication devoted to the celebration and advancement of nausea (or devoted to a contemporary female vocalist, which some might say would be the same thing?)
shypothesis (n): timorously advanced explanation for bashfulness
Please feel free to propose your own in comments.
(Thanks, Bryant!)
Giraffiti by artist Nick Walker. Photograph by Flickr user Luna Park.
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