Miss Cellania

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Overheard

And this, fellow readers, is why Miss Cellania is probably the best writer we've ever had. A thing of beauty. -YesButNoButYes

...Miss Cellania who’s wonderfully funny and knowledgeable and also happens to write for Mental Floss. Her personal blog is updated as often as any multi-contributor blog site and has some wonderful gems... -Infinite Well

Miss Cellania has links, doctored-up photos staring Miss C. herself and YouTube videos from anywhere and everywhere on the internet. If it's funny, you'll probably see it first on her blog. -Suzanne Broughton

Miss Cellania has a site that is to die for. Whenever it’s time for a bit of a smile, interspersed with a gaffaw or two, I head on over there. -Compass Points

If you’re jonesing for more links you may want to visit Miss Cellania’s blog. Or should I say blogs. She’s like the blogosphere’s version of that Jamaican family from In Living Color. She has more blogs than they had jobs. If she starts contributing to one more blog I’m going to stage an intervention. -Cynical-C

I could never in a million years come up with half the wonderful facts, news, links et al that pepper every post she creates. -Mad Baggage

It’s a fantastic set of funny and interesting links, jokes and pictures that she compiled *every day*! -Neatorama

She finds the coolest, funniest stuff day after day. How on earth she does this I have no clue. -NYC Educator

I don't even know how I found Miss C, but I remember the first time I was there, I burned my chocolate chip cookies. I just couldn't stop browsing! Fun stuff over there. -Boomer Chick

If you're not regularly heading over and reading her well compiled, link-filled-goodness posts already, then maybe you should take a step back and do some self reflection and introspection to make sure your life is headed the direction it needs to be and that you're on a path that is fulfilling to you and your fellow man, as a person and as an American. -Hoodlumman

Funniest woman alive. -Pixie

It is quite possibly one of the most extensive sites I have seen for links to humourous content. It is a virtual encyclopedia for a myriad of different jokes on different topics and still growing. So a good site and worth checking out, theres definitely something for everyone, or anyone whos up for a laugh that is! -Mr. Joe Blog

BTW - you quite possibly put together the best, most well researched content on the web, bigtime kudos to you! -Anita B

One place I keep going back to is Miss Cellania. She really has it going on over there. Her posts are chock full of stuff I've never seen before, along with a few old favorites I had forgotten about. Anyone that can consistently come up with that much good stuff deserves kudos. -Blue Beaver Beer

Miss Cellania - is a great read, and there’s more than enough laughs to kill an evening with, on any given day. Miss C has her fingers on the pulse of every joke on the web that you haven’t seen yet. -Saskboy

(Funny, if a tad lowbrow) -Utopia Moment

Fabulous as usual..I appreciate all of the effort..and I am truly humbled. -Homo Escapeons

I'm not even sure why I thought her post is funny, but it is. That's all you're getting from me. Go read it. -konagod

YAY! Miss Cellania knows I'm alive!! -Fuzzy Dave

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« Total Eclipse of the Heart | Main | Texas Viking »
Monday
21Sep2009

Mermaid or Whale?

Recently, in large French city, a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym. It said:

¨THIS SUMMER DO YOU WANT TO BE A MERMAID OR A WHALE?¨

A middle aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.

To Whom It May Concern:

Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans).. They have an active sex life, they get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Barren Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia. Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.

Mermaids don't exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human? They don't have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them not to mention how could they have sex?

Just look at them.....where is IT ? Therefore, they don’t have kids either.. Not to mention who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store?

The choice is perfectly clear to me; I want to be a whale.

P.S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver and a piece of chocolate with my friends. With time we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room it distributes out to the rest of our bodies.

So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy.

Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, ¨Good grief, look how smart I am…¨

(Thanks, Liz Z!)

 

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Reader Comments (13)

Why "Argentinean psychoanalysts "???? It puzzles me t no end. :S
09.21.09 @ 10:38AM | Unregistered Commenteralice
Great post!

"Why "Argentinean psychoanalysts "???? It puzzles me t no end. :S"


Because psychoanalysis is very popular in Argentina (for all walks of life).

http://www.theargentimes.com/socialissues/urbanlife/cult-of-psychoanalysis-in-argentina-something-to-talk-about-/

Before asking questions that may deflect from the original meaning of the post, perhaps consider Google as an unconditional friend.
09.21.09 @ 02:05PM | Unregistered CommenterKGW
Bloody brilliant!!! I'd much rather be a whale any day! Their wonderful xxx
09.21.09 @ 03:32PM | Unregistered Commenteremasaurus
Great post! Although I believe that it is important to be healthy, I fully agree with the author of this letter.

I would like to point out, however, one minor detail that, though irrelevant to the topic, is important to know. It is not, in fact, the BARREN Sea, but rather the BERING Sea where whales frequent.

Again, thanks for the joy on this lovely Alaskan day!
09.21.09 @ 04:20PM | Unregistered CommenterKaris
This is Beautiful

Made me smile! =)
09.21.09 @ 04:57PM | Unregistered CommenterNikki R.
I absolutely love this.
Way to stand up to nonsense.
09.21.09 @ 06:38PM | Unregistered CommenterMah-g
When I was eight and trying to decide what to be when I grew up, I picked whale.

I wasn't really thinking literally, but I thought there was some way to, like, SOCIALLY be a whale. I was going to join some pod and swim all the time and eat krill and jump and stuff.

I had high hopes when I was eight.
09.21.09 @ 07:55PM | Unregistered CommenterKathleen
I completely respect people who may not have the bodies of super models and think they are gorgeous. But the accumulation of articles like this has made me feel like I, being skinny, am not beautiful.

Seriously, though. This woman has a sense of humor unmatched by any mere mortal.
09.21.09 @ 08:52PM | Unregistered CommenterSteph
i agree it is great, i think the woman is right.
but there is NO evidence that mermaids DON'T exist. i think they are real, so shoot me.
and plus i have seen beautiful mermaid paintings with full figured gorgeous medieval mermaids, so just because that mermaid in the poster is skinny, dosen't mean there aren't big, beautiful mermaids.
(and as for where their youknowwhat would be, it would be in the same place that female fish have theirs, duh.)
i love whales, but i'd be a magical, full figured mermaid any day.
09.21.09 @ 09:51PM | Unregistered Commentercupcake98
I know a lot of men who like heavy girls. I also know a lot of men who like thin girls. So why all the fuss? Although I happen to like thin girls, I also consider myself a feminist. Does that mean that I've been brainwashed? If you're heavy, be happy! If you're thin, be happy! Don't blame men for your body image.
09.22.09 @ 01:45AM | Unregistered Commentermm
Awesome post. You can betcha they photoshopped the woman who modelled for the mermaid in more ways than just sticking a tail on her too.

A response to: "Don't blame men for your body image."

I realise you call yourself a feminist so you may be a little hurt that I'm about to sound off at you about this. So can I recommend you read this post by Hugo Schwyzer before you read mine and certainly before you respond?

http://hugoschwyzer.net/2006/05/25/words-are-not-fists-some-thoughts-on-how-men-work-to-defuse-feminist-anger/

Nowhere in this post does it blame "men" for women's body image. This is about advertising and the way in which women are made to feel ugly so people can sell stuff to them! Not how "men" make women feel bad about their bodies. Good grief! Talk about projecting!

What's more, yours is a deeply egocentric and androcentric point of view. This is not about <i>men</i> and whether men want thin or fat women! Women don't only think and feel things in relation to whether they'll be able to get a man or not. They also like to be respected at work and treated well by their neighbours and feel comfortable clothes shopping and eating in public, and all sorts of other things that fat-baiting make less likely. Women exist independently of men and have thoughts and feelings which are nothing to do with man-snagging. (Some are even lesbians, that is real lesbians who don't want to sleep with men, not just porno lesbians.)

However if you want some reason why some women do blame "men" for making women feel bad about their bodies look at these: (I recommend most of the women readers of this post DON'T look at these, none of us needs this trash in our lives.)

http://funmeme.com/?tag=/fat

http://www.motivatedphotos.com/?id=26945

http://www.humorhound.com/2008/10/fat-girl-blending-in-demotivational-poster/

http://www.mrpitt.net/cgi-bin/store/cpshop.cgi/tshirts.ybiaw.229663+no-fat-chicks.html

http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1897151

http://www.cleanjoke.com/humor/FAT-JOKE.html

http://www.digitalbarbarian.com/index.php?/archives/19-Fat-women-suck.html

http://www.zazzle.co.uk/fat_chicks_poster-228942275695108789

http://www.jokeped.com/joke/23/2306/What-does-a-fat-chick-and-a-brick-have-in-common

Do you think things like this are created by women? Maybe but I doubt it. Note how many of them (like you appear to) assume that the most important thing about a woman is whether she is desirable to men.
10.23.09 @ 10:09AM | Unregistered CommenterShrugs
Mermaids lay eggs. DUH.
10.28.09 @ 06:05PM | Unregistered CommenterIvy
Dear skinny person who feels not beautiful...

I'm sorry you feel that way. But trust me when I say this....There's a lot more of the world telling you that you are worthy and beautiful than woman who are any size larger than a 14. I've never been a small girl. Always been athletic and healthy, but not skinny. And I'd give anything to live life for one day like my "skinny" friends, who are adored, bought drinks, and danced with. I'm the friend who ends up holding the purses at the table. For anyone who says I'm bitter, etc etc, I'm definitely not that. I love my skinny friends, as much as I love my size 14 pals. :) I'm college educated, well-rounded, and I've been in a beautiful loving relationship for five years now, and love my life and the way I am.

But to women who are blessed with a beautiful physique... please don't feel un-pretty because someone finally stood up for us women who aren't quite as lucky to have a body that will easily fit in a single digit jean size.
11.18.09 @ 09:32PM | Unregistered Commenterkizzywizzy

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