Miss Cellania

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Overheard

And this, fellow readers, is why Miss Cellania is probably the best writer we've ever had. A thing of beauty. -YesButNoButYes

...Miss Cellania who’s wonderfully funny and knowledgeable and also happens to write for Mental Floss. Her personal blog is updated as often as any multi-contributor blog site and has some wonderful gems... -Infinite Well

Miss Cellania has links, doctored-up photos staring Miss C. herself and YouTube videos from anywhere and everywhere on the internet. If it's funny, you'll probably see it first on her blog. -Suzanne Broughton

Miss Cellania has a site that is to die for. Whenever it’s time for a bit of a smile, interspersed with a gaffaw or two, I head on over there. -Compass Points

If you’re jonesing for more links you may want to visit Miss Cellania’s blog. Or should I say blogs. She’s like the blogosphere’s version of that Jamaican family from In Living Color. She has more blogs than they had jobs. If she starts contributing to one more blog I’m going to stage an intervention. -Cynical-C

I could never in a million years come up with half the wonderful facts, news, links et al that pepper every post she creates. -Mad Baggage

It’s a fantastic set of funny and interesting links, jokes and pictures that she compiled *every day*! -Neatorama

She finds the coolest, funniest stuff day after day. How on earth she does this I have no clue. -NYC Educator

I don't even know how I found Miss C, but I remember the first time I was there, I burned my chocolate chip cookies. I just couldn't stop browsing! Fun stuff over there. -Boomer Chick

If you're not regularly heading over and reading her well compiled, link-filled-goodness posts already, then maybe you should take a step back and do some self reflection and introspection to make sure your life is headed the direction it needs to be and that you're on a path that is fulfilling to you and your fellow man, as a person and as an American. -Hoodlumman

Funniest woman alive. -Pixie

It is quite possibly one of the most extensive sites I have seen for links to humourous content. It is a virtual encyclopedia for a myriad of different jokes on different topics and still growing. So a good site and worth checking out, theres definitely something for everyone, or anyone whos up for a laugh that is! -Mr. Joe Blog

BTW - you quite possibly put together the best, most well researched content on the web, bigtime kudos to you! -Anita B

One place I keep going back to is Miss Cellania. She really has it going on over there. Her posts are chock full of stuff I've never seen before, along with a few old favorites I had forgotten about. Anyone that can consistently come up with that much good stuff deserves kudos. -Blue Beaver Beer

Miss Cellania - is a great read, and there’s more than enough laughs to kill an evening with, on any given day. Miss C has her fingers on the pulse of every joke on the web that you haven’t seen yet. -Saskboy

(Funny, if a tad lowbrow) -Utopia Moment

Fabulous as usual..I appreciate all of the effort..and I am truly humbled. -Homo Escapeons

I'm not even sure why I thought her post is funny, but it is. That's all you're getting from me. Go read it. -konagod

YAY! Miss Cellania knows I'm alive!! -Fuzzy Dave

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« Failathon | Main | Unfortunate Juxtaposition »
Friday
13Nov2009

The Perfect Day

The Perfect Day for Her:
* 8:15 Wakeup to hugs and kisses
* 8:30 Weigh in 5lbs lighter than yesterday
* 8:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants 9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil 10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer
* 10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo and comb out
* 12:00 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
* 12:45 Notice ex-boyfriends wife, she has gained 30lbs
* 1:00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit
* 3:00 Nap
* 4:00 3 dozens roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer
* 4:15 Light workout at club, followed by gentle massage
* 5:30 Pick out outfit for dinner, primp before the mirror
* 7:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing
* 10:00 Hot shower (alone)
* 10:30 Make love
* 11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
* 11:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms

The Perfect Day for Him!
* 6:15 Blowjob
* 6:30 Massive dump while reading sports section of USA Today
* 7:00 Breakfast, Filet mignon and eggs, toast and coffee
* 7:30 Limo arrives
* 7:45 Stoli Bloody Mary enroute to airport
* 8:15 DFW - Private G4 to Augusta, Georgia (Coffee, SI and WSJ)
* 9:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club
* 9:45 Front nine at Augusta (2 under)
* 11:45 Lunch, 2 dozen oysters on the half shell, 3 Heinekens
* 12:15 Blowjob
* 12:30 Back nine Augusta (4 under)
* 2:15 Limo back to airport (Bombay martini)
* 2:30 Private G4, Augusta to Nassau, Bahamas (nap)
* 3:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female (topless) crew
* 4:30 Land World Record light tackle Marlin (1249 lbs)
* 5:00 G4 back to DFW, massage & hand job enroute by naked Kathy Ireland
* 6:45 Shit, shower and shave
* 7:30 Dinner, Lobster appetizers, Dom Perigon (1963), 20 oz. New York Steak
* 9:00 Remy Martin and Cuban Partagas cigar
* 9:30 Sex with three women
* 11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi
* 11:45 Bed (alone)
* 11:50 12 second, 4 note fart, dog leaves the room
* 11:55 Sleep

It's a wonder men and women spend any time together!

Yes, I am aware that this is Friday the 13th. Go out and make it a perfect day!

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Reader Comments (4)

Made me smile at the truth of all of it.
11.13.09 @ 01:05AM | Unregistered CommenterMohan Arun L
I could only think of how strong the stereotypes are...
11.13.09 @ 07:36AM | Unregistered CommenterTMSheik
I must be the words strangest man. None of that (except the sex with 3 women) sounds like a good time. I would rather go shopping or urban hiking than to play golf.
11.13.09 @ 01:55PM | Unregistered CommenterDemar
How sad. Even as a joke. The basis for a joke to succeed has to ultimately be that some sort of half-truth exists within it and in this one the reasoning is that a married couple ultimately wants attention / physical admiration or contact from someone else. How very sad.
I am all for guilty pleasures but this is depressing.
Not funny at all.
11.14.09 @ 01:47PM | Unregistered Commentergareth lange

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