Mothers Day is a big holiday in my family, one that I am not in the least bit prepared for yet. There are all kinds of mothers to remember. My mother, of course, and my mother-in-law, and that's also two grandmothers for the kids. Then there's me, and I feel responsible for making sure the kids can afford a proper gift for me. At the same time, I try to make sure it's something I might actually like and/or could use. Besides the gifts, I have to work out some kind of schedule to spend time with both sides of the family, since they don't live in the same town. We also try to remember two birthmothers and a foster mother in some way during the holiday. But despite all the hassle, it's kinda nice. Fathers Day is completely different. We don't even mention it anymore, since there are no fathers to be found around here. We will even be out of town for Fathers Day this year, which will make it easier.

Find a really different Mothers Day ecard at WrongCards, like the one in today's title picture.

Hot Mom

If Mom offers you advice on sex, you may want to die inside, but listen to her. (may be NSFW)

Triplets, quadruplets, quintuplets, and more may seem almost commonplace now compared to years past, at least to those of us who just read about them. But they are anything but commonplace to parents who find themselves suddenly leading a large family!

Mom, I know you're there. (via Look at This)

Ask any man when he last phoned his mother, and he will pull a guilty face.

French author Michel Houellebecq vented a lifetime of anger at his mother in a novel. Now she’s writing a novel of her own to pay him back!

Editors' Picks: Mother's Day Photos. (via Dark Roasted Blend)

THE MOMMY TEST

(Thanks, Jeanine!)
I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth.

I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my daughter asked.

"Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied.

At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Mommy, how do you know all this stuff?"

"Uh," I was thinking quickly. "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.

"OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy."

"Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face and joy in my heart.

Motherhood vs Prison

In prison, you get three square meals a day.

At home, you cook three square meals a day and try to get your kids to eat it. You eat their leftovers.

In prison, you get an hour each day in the yard to exercise and mingle.

At home you get to clean the yard up so you can mow it so your kids can spread more toys all over it so that you can go out and clean it again because little Jr. can't sleep without his latest lego creation.

In prison, you get to watch TV, cable even.

At home, you get to listen to your children fight over the remote control and get treated to hours and hours of mindless cartoons thanks to cable.

In prison, you can read whatever you want and attend college for free.

At home, you get to read weekly readers starring Dick, Jane, and Spot and worry about how to send Jr. to college and still be able to eat for the next twenty years.

In prison, all your medical care is free.

At home, you have to pawn your mother's silver and fill out trillions of papers for insurance and hope the doctor will see you before you die.

In prison, if you have visitors, all you do is go to a room, sit, talk and then say good-bye when you are ready or your time is up.

At home, you get to clean for days in advance and then cook and clean up after your guests and hope that they will one day leave.

In prison, you can spend your free time writing letters or just hang out in your own space all day.

At home, you get to clean your space and everyone else's space, too, and what the heck is free time again?

In prison, you get your own personal toilet.

At home, you have to physically hold the bathroom door shut in order to keep from having someone standing over you demanding to know how long till you're done so you can do something for them.

In prison, the prison laundry takes care of all your dirty clothes.

At home, you get to take care of them yourself, plus everybody else's, and get yelled at because somebody's favorite shirt isn't clean.

In prison, they take you everywhere you need to go.

At home, you take everybody else where they need to go.

In prison, the guards transport all your personal effects for you and make sure nothing is missing.

At home, you have to lug around everybody else's stuff in your purse and then wonder who went in it and took your last dollar.

In prison, there are no screaming or whining children or spouses asking you to do something else for them, or screaming at you because you didn't. Doesn’t that make you want to go out and do something illegal?

 

 

Previously at Miss Cellania: Motherhood and Mother's Day

Thought for today: A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.  ~Tenneva Jordan

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