This is the place where I try to put some personal anecdote about the topic of the day, but I’m a bit dry on that supply for medical stuff. See, I haven’t been to a doctor in several years, and certainly not since I lost my health insurance along with my last punch-the-clock job. Self-employed people just can’t afford that kind of luxury. I know that lowers my chances of meeting an unmarried doctor, but an office call never was a great strategy for that. You’d come across as either unhealthy or hypochondriac. I have plenty of relatives with funny doctor stories, but that would violate blogger-family member confidentiality rules. As if there were such a thing.



I’m a Doctor, Not a....

A Hypochondriac's Twitter Chain.

Gynecologists say the darndest things.

Medical Confessions. Five doctors spill the beans about annoying patients, malpractice, how much they drink, and more. (via Dark Roasted Blend)

A 16th century Japanese medical text included illustrations of the mythical creatures that cause disease when they invade the body. Although the basic concept proved to be true, bacteria and viruses were not visible at the time. The fanciful depictions and descriptions are a hoot, considering what we know now! (via Everlasting Blort)

Doctor: "Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?"
Nurse: "No change yet. "

Patient: "Nurse, I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes."
Nurse: "Have you seen a doctor?"Patient: "No, just spots."

The Physical

(via Fark)
So this fella goes into the doctor's office for his annual physical. The doctor comes in, looks at him for a moment, and says,

"You need to stop masturbating".

"Why?"

"So I can do the exam."

A Short History of Medicine

I have an earache:

2000 B.C. -Here, eat this root.

1000 A.D. -That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.

1850 A.D. -That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.

1940 A.D. -That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.

1985 A.D. -That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.

2000 A.D. -That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.    

Penis Problem

(via Phil’s Phun)
This guy goes out with his buddies for a night on the town and they cap off the festivities by going to a house of ill repute.

A week later, the guy visits his doctor complaining of a large green lump on the end of his penis. The doctor does a thorough exam, then pulls down a weighty medical book and flicks through it till he finds what he's looking for.

He looks up and says, "I'm afraid this is serious. We'll have to operate!"

"Operate?", exclaims the fellow, "Why, Doc? What's the problem?"

"Well, you know how boxers can get a cauliflower ear? You've developed the same sort of thing. You've got a brothel sprout."

Anaesthetists Hymn by Amateur Transplants

Previously at Miss Cellania: Doctor, Medical Practice, Medicine, Health Insurance, and Bad Medicine.

Thought for today: When the x-ray specialist married one of his patients, everybody wondered what he saw in her.

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