I have what some call "East Kentucky Chalk Teeth". When your teeth are hereditarily built this way, you can brush six times a day, floss, avoid sweets, use fluoride, and see a dentist regularly, and they will still fall apart. So I have extensive dental work collected over quite a few decades. I technically have all my teeth, but every one is filled, repaired, capped, or crowned in some manner.

When I moved back to Kentucky after many years away, I tried more than one dentist. They all had the same technique. "You have a cavity. Ya want me to pull that tooth?" I was shocked, but most folks here would just have the tooth pulled. Its much cheaper than repairing it. My current dentist has my loyalty because 1) he wants to try and save each tooth, and b) he lets me have all the laughing gas I require. He charges an arm and a leg, but I still have all my teeth! (at least technically)

DIAGNOSIS
A man walks into a dentist's surgery and says, "Excuse me, can you help me. I think I'm a moth."

Dentist: "You don't need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist."

Man: "Yes, I know."

Dentist: "So why did you come in here?"

Man: "The light was on..."


Investigating the Tooth Fairy.

If your name was Toothaker, wouldn't you feel pressured to go to dental school?

Lucy's recent dental experience.



EATING
A man went to his dentist because his mouth felt funny. The dentist examined him and said, "That new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?"

The man replied, "All I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious. Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything - meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything."

"Well," said the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time I'll use chrome."

"Why chrome?" asked the patient.

To which the dentist replied, "It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"

The Dentist number from Little Shop of Horrors.

THE REUNION
Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking,
"Surely I can't look that old?" Read on:

I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.
I noticed his DDS diploma which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a
tall, handsome dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school
class some 40-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush
on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. Hmmm...or could he????

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.

"Yes, yes, I did! I'm a Mustang," he gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

He answered, "In 1969. Why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely. Then that ugly, old, wrinkled son-of-a-bitch asked, "What did you teach?" (Thanks, Linda!)

Previously at Miss Cellania: Dental Work and Teeth

Thought for today: Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. -Johnny Carson

This post first appeared on April 5, 2006.

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