About a year ago, two events conspired to change my life. I gave up on men, and I became a professional blogger. Blogging doesn't pay much, so I find myself working three jobs and putting in ridiculous hours sitting at the computer. There's not much keeping me away from the caramels and chocolates in my desk drawer... after all, everyone's got to have a little joy in their lives! As a consequence, I have become incredibly fat. I keep telling myself "this is temporary, I can lose this weight". Sure I can, all it takes is MORE self-denial MORE sacrifice, MORE willpower. Reminds me of the old joke where the man asks the doctor how long can he expect to live. The doctor asks, "Do you eat healthy food, avoid smoking, drinking, and wild sex, go to bed at a decent time, and exercise?" When the man answers yes, the doctor says "Then why do you care?"

Honestly, the main thing I need is to get out of the house (and away from the desk drawer) and get a life. It would probably help my blogging in the long run. But who has the time with post requirements and deadlines?

Cheesecake

See amazing things made of candy at Sugart.

Cuppycake Gumdrop Snookums. You need to have your insulin ready for this one.

Virtual Ice Cream Cone Generator.

Pie blogging, for pie fans.

Red Velvet Cake does not taste like velvet. Devil's Food Cake does not taste like hell. So what about Urinal Cakes?

Indulge online at The Candy Addict. Don't miss the Top Ten Candy Urban Legends.

THE BAKE SALE

(Thanks, Wendy!)

Have you ever told a white lie? You are going to love this.... Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church ladies' group bake sale in Tuscaloosa, but she forgot to do it until the last minute. She remembered it the morning of the bake sale!

After rummaging through cabinets she found an angel food cake mix and quickly made it while drying her hair, dressing and helping her son Bryan pack up for Scout camp. But when Alice took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured. "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another cake."

This cake was so important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church, and in her new community of new friends. So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake. Alice found it in the bathroom -- a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and then covered it with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect!

Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter Amanda and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened at 9:30, buy that cake and bring it home. When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found that the attractive perfect cake had already been sold. Amanda grabbed her cell phone and called her Mom.

Alice was horrified. She was beside herself. Everyone would know, what would they think? She would be ostracized, talked about, ridiculed. All night Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing their fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.

The next day, Alice promised herself that she would try not to think about the cake and would attend the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a friend of a friend and try to have a good time. Alice did not really want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at the fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa, but having already RSVP'd she could not think of a believable excuse to stay home.

The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old South and to Alice's horror, the CAKE in question was presented for dessert.

Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake, she started, out of her chair to rush to tell her hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor's wife said, "What a beautiful cake!" Alice, who was still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, Thank you, I baked it myself."

Alice smiled and thought to herself, "GOD is good."

Previously at Miss Cellania: Chocolate, Chocolate Candy, Chocolate and Coffee, Christmas Treats, Halloween Candy, Peeps, Easter Eggs, and Bunnies, Coffee and Chocolate, and Fruitcake.

Thought for today: Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Coincidence? I think not!

The original version of this post appeared on April 4, 2006. It once included a plug for the Sexiest Male Blogger Contest, which is why the comments make no sense.

humor jokes video funny games dessert funny cake pie cookies