The latest news story about death is about environmentally-friendly corpse disposal. No need to bury someone and lock up land use. No need to cremate and fill the air with smoke and noxious fumes. You can just dissolve the remains with lye! The process is called alkaline hydrolysis, and it’s not yet offered at funeral homes, but may be someday soon. It will at least save money on cemetery plots and tombstones. I just don’t see people requesting this much... at least for themselves. Still, when you check out the collection of “restless corpse” links just ahead, having your body dissolved might not seem like such a bad idea.



Wake Gone Wrong

The Internet Commenters at a Funeral.

6 Restless Corpses. True stories of dead bodies that stick around with the rest of us.

6 MORE Restless Corpses.

6 Restless Corpses: Heads of State Edition.

Coffins to die for. When you absolutely, positively must have the most fashionable funeral ever.

The Top Ten Weirdest Rock and Roll Deaths. Or nine, really, since Cass Elliot’s entry was the rumor about her death.

The 5 Historical Figures Who Died The Weirdest Deaths. Stomach-churning weird, for the most part, but the best was the one who died when a turtle fell from the sky.

Funeral Blues. This is sad.

Things your body can do after you die.

Dad’s Funeral

(Thanks, Rich!)
Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill."

Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense.

Bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, and finally the man called his brother again to find out what was going on.

"Well," said the other brother, "you said to do something nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo."

THE CEMETERY

(via It Occurred to Me)
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

"One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery.

He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."

He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls."

The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.

Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."

The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord."

Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all... Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done."

They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the kid on the bike.

Previously at Miss Cellania: Death, Death Warmed Over, Death and Dying, Funeral, Murder, Jack the Ripper, Divorce or Murder? and Ghost Stories.

Thought for today: According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy. -Jerry Seinfeld

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