Princess is having her friends over for a slumber party tonight. A week ago when we first planned this, I went into a slight panic at the state of the house. Things have piled up over the winter. Yes, we were supposed to clean during spring break, but we had no real incentive. A birthday party is a real incentive! So I worked, and got tired, and got behind on blogging, and as the week went by I realized that not as many girls are coming as I thought, and those who are have been here before. I also realized I would never accomplish all the cleaning I planned. So I am satisfied that we have plenty of food and movies and that you can walk through the house without stumbling over something.



A Word from Our Sponsor

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10 Reasons Why James Dyson Doesn’t Suck. A tribute to the vacuum cleaner man.

Q.  Why can't Stevie Wonder sort his laundry?
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HEAVY CLEANING

One afternoon, Harry Harrington walks into his supervisor's office. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."

"We're short-handed, Harry," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."

"Thanks, boss," says Harry. "I knew I could count on you!"

LAUNDRY STAIN REMOVAL GUIDE

Blood - Spill more blood around area of stain so it won't stand out as much.

Ink - Fall to knees and plead, "Why, God, why? Why dost thou test me so?"

Grass - Write the name of your liquid detergent on stain. Wash. Hold up to camera, and show off the unbelievable results.

Mud - Place large iron-on NASCAR patch over stain. Apply heat for 60 seconds.

Tomato Sauce - Take out the mook responsible for your tomato-sauce stain by executing him gangland-style in the back of the head. Capeche?

Coffee - Rub cream and sugar into stain. Apply oral suction. Enjoy rich, robust coffee-stain flavor.

Wine - Apply mixture of 1/2 rum and 1/2 Coke to self until you no longer care about some little freaking stain.

Chewing Gum - Using permanent marker, draw dotted line around stain. Cut carefully on dotted line.

Nail Polish - Nail-polish stains are actually quite lovely. Why not leave them in for a pleasing "homecrafted" look?

HANGING OUT

Three women always hang their laundry out in the backyard. Two of the women wonder why Sophie never has her laundry out on the days that it unexpectedly rains. "Say, Sophie, how come when it rains, your laundry is never out?"

"Well," says Sophie, "when I wake up in the morning, I look over at Saul. If his penis is hanging over his right leg, I know it's going to be a great day, and I can hang out the wash. If his penis is hanging over his left leg, I know it's going to rain, so I don't hang out the wash."

"What if he has an erection?" asks one of the women.

"Honey," says Sophie, "on a day like that, you don't do the laundry."

Previously at Miss Cellania: House Cleaning, Housework, and Lawn Mowing.

Thought for today: The problem with housework is that no one notices it until you DON’T do it.

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