So often I get comments or emails from people from around the world who say “Excuse me, my English is not good...” and all I can respond with is “Your English is much better than my German (or Portuguese, or Chinese, or whatever).” The rest of the world should be commended on learning several languages as if its the most normal thing in the world. And maybe it is. The biggest drawback of English becoming the world’s default language is that most native English speakers never learn anything else. I was reminded of this again recently when Mark Boyle gave up his quest to walk to India without any money. He made it as far as the other side of the English Channel. In Calais, he found that the people spoke French and did not understand him! They thought he was a freeloader! Of course, they were right. Not only a freeloader, but one who expected everyone else in the world to speak more languages than he does.



Ken Lee (via Arbroath)

A contestant on Bulgarian Idol thinks she is singing in English.

Franglais is the term for what happens when English speaker attempt to speak French when they don’t know it. Its rules are simple. Insert as many French words as you know into the sentence, fill in the rest with English, then speak it with absolute conviction.

La Petite Lesson En Franglais. I know just enough French to find this hilarious.

Go ahead and order from the menu, it’s in English. (via Damn Interesting)

Amazing Linguistic Coincidences.

How a certain word (that I don’t use on this site) became so prevalent in Chinese signs in the English translations. Contains NSFW examples.

ACROSS THE LANGUAGE GAP

(via Phil’s Phun)
Mr Goldberg, from Pinsk, coming to America, shared a table in the ship's dining-room with a Frenchman. Mr Goldberg could speak neither French nor English; the Frenchman could speak neither Russian nor Yiddish.

The first day out, the Frenchman approached the table, bowed and said, "Bon appetit!''

Mr Goldberg, puzzled for a moment, bowed back and replied "Goldberg.''

Every day at every meal the same routine occurred. On the fifth day, another passenger took Goldberg aside. "Listen, the Frenchman isn't telling you his name. He's saying `Good Appetite,' that's what `Bon appetit!' means.''

At the next meal, Mr Goldberg, beaming, bowed to the Frenchman and said, "Bon appetit!''

And the Frenchman, beaming, replied: "Goldberg!''

PSYCHIC

(Thanks, Rich!)
A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother.

The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering, her voice begins warbling, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?"

The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, "Grandmother? Is that you?"

"Yes granddaughter, it's me."

"It's really, really you, Grandmother?" the woman repeats.

"Yes, it's really me, granddaughter."

The woman looks puzzled: "You're sure it's you, Grandmother?"

"Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me."

The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother, I have just one question for you."

"Anything, my child."

"When did you learn to speak English"?

Spanish for your Nanny

It’s important to be able to communicate with the help. Particularly if you didn’t feel the need to pay attention in high school Spanish class. (Thanks, Jan!)

Previously at Miss Cellania: More posts on Language.

Thought for today: Boy, those French: They have a different word for everything! – Steve Martin

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