Today is back-to-school day for a lot of students, and teachers (my kids returned last Thursday). Parents can breathe a sigh of relief and babysitting grandparents can finally leave for Florida. But for teachers, it’s back to work. She’s gotten to know this year’s class well enough now, but the realization sinks in that she only has five months now to get them all up to speed for the next grade. Then the entire process starts over for the next group of 20, 30, or 40 kids. For the life  of me, I don’t see how they do it. I feel like I am beating my head against the wall every day just trying to get a simple concept across to two kids, who I know very well. Add onto that the diversity of students’ abilities and backgrounds, non-cooperation from parents, school boards that constantly change policies, and governmental red tape, and you see that most teachers are no less than miracle workers. 

Teachers You Never Forget -The Bronx Boys (audio NSFW)

If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home.  ~Anonymous Teacher

Teacher Survival Kit.

Survivor: The Teacher Edition.

100 women teachers who slept with their students. In case you are interested in reading about that sort of thing. (via Grow-A-Brain)

This teacher attaches a little something extra with his graded tests.

Billionaires for Educational Reform. They should know... they're billionaires!

A Modest Proposal to Fix Everything Wrong with US K-12 Education.

What the teacher says… and what she really means.

(via Bits and Pieces)
1. Your son has a remarkable ability in gathering needed information from his classmates. (He was caught cheating on a test).

2. Karen is an endless fund of energy and viability. (The hyperactive monster can't stay seated for five minutes).

3. Fantastic imagination! Unmatched in his capacity for blending fact with fiction. (He's definitely one of the biggest liars I have ever met).

4. Margie exhibits a casual, relaxed attitude to school, indicating that high expectations don't intimidate her. (The lazy thing hasn't done one assignment all term).

5. Her athletic ability is marvelous. Superior hand-eye coordination. (The little creep stung me with a rubber band from 15 feet away).

6. Nick thrives on interaction with his peers. (Your son needs to stop socializing and start working).

7. Your daughter's greatest asset is her demonstrative public discussions. (Classroom lawyer! Why is it that every time I explain an assignment she creates a class argument).

8. John enjoys the thrill of engaging challenges with his peers. (He's a bully).

9. An adventurous nature lover who rarely misses opportunities to explore new territory. (Your daughter was caught skipping school at the fishing pond).

10. I am amazed at her tenacity in retaining her youthful personality. (She's so immature that we've run out of diapers).

11. Unlike some students who hide their emotion, Charles is very expressive and open. (He must have written the Whiner's Guide).

12. I firmly believe that her intellectual and emotional progress would be enhanced through a year's repetition of her learning environment. (Regretfully, we believe that she is not ready for high school and must repeat the 8th grade).

13. Her exuberant verbosity is awesome! (A mouth that never stops yacking).

Who to Marry

Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.

The first man married a nurse. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy. Nurses are known to be hot to trot".

The second man married a telephone operator. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself,"Wow, he's a lucky one. Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top button...Va-voom.".

The third man married a school teacher. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty but teachers are just too frigid".

The next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected only the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two would call much later in the day.

At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The nurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's pajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed. Dave asked, "What happened sir?"

The man sourly replies, "Son, don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was her nagging voice saying, " You're not sanitary, you're not sanitary."

At 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again. The telephone operator's husband called for breakfast. Dave brought it as fast as possible hoping for the best. The man opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's hair and pajamas were properly combed and pressed. Dave asked," What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as their voices."

The man sourly replies "Son, don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I heard last night was her a nasal voice saying, "You're three minutes are up, your three minutes are up." Dave went back down to the desk, just knowing the teachers husband would be calling any minute.

Finally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher's husband called for breakfast. Dave can't believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couples room. The man opened the door and Dave took a step back in shock. The man waswearing only his boxers, his hair was a mess,and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and legs. Dave, fearing the worst, asked " What happened to you? Did you have a fight?"

The man smiled and happily replied, "No. Son, when you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice saying "We are going to do this over and over, until we get right."

Previously at Miss Cellania: Teachers

Thought for today: Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher.  That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number.

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