The file I’ve been keeping on the presidential campaign was started about a year ago. It’s been brewing so long that I had to dump some of the links because they didn’t even work anymore. I had to rework some stuff I’d written because it was hopelessly outdated. And now Thompson and Kucinich have dropped out. That totally wrecks the trophy wife jokes. If I waited any longer on this, there would be no jokes left... except for the one that is the American election campaign system itself. So, just for grins, we are going to pretend for the sake of this post, that Kucinich and Thompson are still in the race. And anyone else that may drop out from the time I write this until it gets on the net. OK?



The Big Issue for Voters is Bullshit

The living embodiment of an informed democracy.

Some people explain to Bill Maher why they are voting for a particular candidate.

The big question is: Which candidate has the hottest wife? Or husband?

The Stars Wars Guide to the Candidates. The 2008 presidential candidates are each linked with his/her Star Wars equivalent. (via the Presurfer)

Hero Builders has several action figures ready for the 2008 presidential campaign. You can now have your very own Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama (speaking or non-speaking) figure. They join Rudy Guilinani and other political action figures you are familiar with. Those are the only three candidates available so far... but the other possibilities aren’t nearly as interesting.

Get your very own Hillary Clinton Nutcracker. (via Everlasting Blort)

Presidential Pong.

Rudy Guliani. In drag. With Donald Trump.

Get the Obama t-shirt!

The Legend of Barak Obama. (via J-Walk Blog)

The 12 Worst Candidate Websites.

12 (more) Candidates to Keep Your Eye On. Just in case you need to call the authorities. (Research help for this article was provided by my favorite candidate for president  and my favorite candidate for not-president.)

Candidate Fred Thompson is now busy defending his much younger wife. In a recent interview, he said all criticism of his wife should be directed at him. As a result, conservative groups told Thompson he’s been showing too much cleavage. -Conan O’Brien (via Bits and Pieces)

5 Nastiest U.S. Presidential Elections in History.

Game: Kung Fu Election! (via Neatorama)

Serious political link: Electicker, a news aggregator where you can find all kinds of political headlines anytime. (via Metafilter)

If you don't like this post, you can always protest. It's the American Way.

DEMOCRATS AND REPUBLICANS

A man wearing a Democratic pin walks into a bar and sees a picture of President Bush hanging behind the bartender. He calls the bartender over and says, "You should take that picture down. George Bush is a blight upon this nation. He should be impeached."

The bartender, a life-long Republican, is completely offended. "Why you liberal piece of garbage. How dare you come into my bar and tell me how to run my business!"

"Listen, I'm the customer, so I'm always right." the man says. "That picture offends me, so I want you to take it down."

That tears it," the bartender says, "How would you like it if I came into your bar and told you what to do?"

"Well, you'd be the customer, so you'd be right," the man says.

"Fine, then let's switch places," the bartender says.

So, they do. The man takes the bartender's place behind the bar, and the bartender walks outside, waits a moment, and then comes back inside. The bartender sits at the bar and says to the bar, "You should take that pin off. The Democrats are destroying our country with their liberal agenda."

"Sorry," the man says, "but we don't serve Republicans here."

THE JOURNALIST

At a news conference, a journalist said to the politician running for the presidency, "Your secretary said publicly that you have a small penis. Would you please comment on this."

"The truth is," replied the politician, "that she has a big mouth."

THE HAIRCUT

(via Simply Left Behind)
One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week. " The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week." The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week." The professor is very happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen different books, such as "How to Improve Your Business" and "Becoming More Successful."

Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week." The Congressman is very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

Changes (via Sadly, No!)

Thought for today: If you do kiss a politician, remember this: You are not only kissing him, you are kissing every butt that he has kissed in the last eight years. -Jay Leno

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