Food and Sex
Wednesday, 01.23.08 @ 12:00AM 
The survival of any species is dependent upon two drives: survival and propagation. In most species, the biggest part of survival is getting enough to eat, so those who are the best at it are the ones who don’t die out. Survival isn’t enough in the long run, you’ve also got to replace yourself with babies, or the species dies out. Those who want to “do it” are rewarded by passing their genes on to the next generation... or else they would also die out. So the scheme of things favors those who have the drive to eat and screw. In a time and place where there is more than enough food, and propagation is regulated via birth control, these drives are still in no danger of dying out, because they are the biggest physical pleasures in life.
Dik Dik (via Everlasting Blort)
Gingerbread Kama Sutra. (via Dump Trumpet)
Filthy Food. The most pornographic thing I’ve ever seen that has no nudity. Not for the sensitive. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Food and Beauty. Click the right arrow to see models with meat, by photographer Alex Lucka.
Sex cakes for the homeless. (via Grow-A-Brain)
Virtual Jello. (via Dump Trumpet)
When the magic fades. (via J-Walk Blog)
How many calories can you burn up during sex?
DUMB
I have a friend who insists that he recently met a girl who is so naïve that when he asked her if she knew the difference between a screw and a Caesar salad she said she had no idea.
"Did you explain it to her?" we asked.
"Hell no," said our friend. "But I have lunch with her every day."
FOOD AND SEX
(via Big Shot Bob in Texas)
When you think of it, there are only two things people need. You got to have sex. You got to have food. That's it. You don't need clothing, shelter, or TV. Okay, maybe TV, but otherwise, it's sex and food. But for some reason, some people think sex is dirty. Maybe God was a Republican.
Somebody said, "All right, you want to propagate, go ahead, but only late at night, with all the doors closed, man on top, once a week, that's it." But not only can you eat the charred decaying flesh of other major mammals, you can do it in broad daylight and invite all your friends to watch: "Hey, Chuck, why don't you come over on Sunday? We're going to kill a pig, cut him up, burn him, and eat him. Bring the kids, we'll have a hell of a time."
What if they had been switched around? What if, through a simple twist of fate, sex was clean but food was dirty? Our entire culture would change. Food would become a four-letter word.
When people got angry at you, they'd yell out "Oh yeah? Well, food you. Suck cheese you Popsicle slurper." Punks in passing cars would flip you the fork. Flashers would have pizzas strapped to their chests. "Oh my goodness. It's a pepperoni."
Locker room talk would change. "Hey, man, how'd you do this weekend?"
"Two burgers and a bag of fries. Crinkle cut."
Garlic would be illegal in most Southern states. Supermarkets would check I.D.'s and charge admission to the poultry section. Frederick's of Hollywood would feature peekaboo napkins and day-of-the-week paper plates. Foreplay would be listed as a menu selection.
Vice squads would conduct raids on backyard barbecues. "All right, put down your meat. Just back away from the buns, mister."
Vegetarians would be prohibited from becoming teachers and a lot of them would move to the Bay Area. Hookers would become cooks.
You'd be accosted on street corners by plump ladies in Day-Glo aprons. "Hey, big boy, looking for a hot meal? Wanna crack some crab?"
Fundamentalist Christians would make meat and potatoes a religious tenet.
Many sexual positions would be found to be carcinogenic.
Parents would tell their children not to play with their food or they'll go blind.
Kids would remember the first time their mother caught them marinating.
Thought for today: Don't worry about bitin' off more 'n you can chew; your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.
Reader Comments (10)
Food never says no; I can't say that about sex.
Granted, I've been known to say no to food...especially when I (over) cooked it.
I've even been known to say no to sex...but not in the past 20 years ;-)
I don't remember if I saw that pork ad while it was up in my province. Saskatchewan is ruling the blogosphere tonight though as both me and Schmutzie are up for Bloggies it seems :-D I was surprised not to see you or Jon Swift in the running anywhere though.
Love this blog! So refreshing...
We added a link to a story about Souper Fin's erotic tableware collection! Hope you enjoy it as much as we love visiting your site...
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