According to David Levy’s book Love and Sex With Robots: The Evolution of Human-Robot Relationships, robot sex will become normal by the year 2050. The publicity this statement, and the book, received last year was all over the net... after all, people who use the internet are, by definition, into geeky technical stuff more than the population at large. So of course, there was funny stuff to follow. You won’t find anything in this post about existing sex dolls (Google is your friend if you want that), and I haven’t delved much into science fiction stories (although there are a couple here), but I found some pretty entertaining material onthe subject of robot sex.



Don’t Date Robots!

Bill Maher's New Rules for Robot Sex and Marriage.

A Russian robot called Cyberlover flirts with men on the net and takes their personal information. They can’t tell its a robot!

Ten Reasons to Marry a Robot. That “off” switch trumps all other advantages. And disadvantages.

Robot Love

Interview with David Levy, author of Love and Sex With Robots. (via Boing Boing)

Of course, there are consequences to robot sex. Meet Noelle, the pregnant robot.

Make Love Not War. The Kama Sutra for Terminators. NSFW. (via Ectoplasmosis)

How to determine if your robot is male or female.

The Robot and the Baby. A scifi story story I enjoyed. (via Metafilter)

Exterminator City. A robot has gone insane and has to kill all of the large breasted women he can find.

Robotard. A completely awful game, but it made me laugh.

Vintage Robot Porn.

ROBOT SECRETARY

Two friends meet in the office of one of them, a notorious techo-geek.

"Hey, bud, how are ya?"

"I'm good. Congratulations, that new secretary of yours is beautiful!"

"Well, I'm glad you like her. Believe it or not, she's a robot!

"No way, how could that be?"

"Way! She's the latest model from Japan. Lemme tell you how she works. If you squeeze her left tit, she takes dictation. If you squeeze her right tit, she types a letter. And that's not all, she can have sex, too!"

"Holy shit! You're kidding, right?"

"No, she's something, huh? Tell you what, you can even borrow her"

So, his friend takes her into the restroom and is in there with her for a while. Suddenly, he hears him screaming "Eeeeyaaaaa! Heeelp" Ooooooh! Aaaaaaah! Eeeeeeeeeeeaaargghhhh!"

The guy says, "Shit! I forgot to tell him her ass is a pencil sharpener!"

Selecting a Robot Wife

Computer Sex

(Thanks, Rich!)
Micro was a real-time operator and dedicated multi-user. His broad-band protocol made it easy for him to interface with numerous input/output devices, even if it meant time-sharing.

One evening he arrived home just as the Sun was crashing, and had parked his Motorola 68040 in the main drive (he had missed the 5100 bus that morning), when he noticed an elegant piece of live ware admiring the daisy wheels in his garden. He thought to himself, "She looks user-friendly. I'll see if she'd like an update tonight."

Mini was her name, and she was delightfully engineered with eyes like COBOL and a PR1ME mainframe architecture that set Micro's peripherals networking all over the place.

He browsed over to her casually, admiring the power of her twin, 32-bit floating point processors and inquired "How are you, Honeywell?". "Yes, I am well", she responded, batting her optical fibers engagingly and smoothing her console over her curvilinear functions.

Micro settled for a straight line approximation. "I'm stand-alone tonight", he said, "How about computing a vector to my base address? I'll output a byte to eat, and maybe we could get offset later on."

Mini ran a priority process for 2.6 milliseconds, then transmitted 8 K. "I've been dumped myself recently, and a new page is just what I need to refresh my disks. I'll park my machine cycle in your background and meet you inside." She walked off, leaving Micro admiring her solenoids and thinking, "Wow, what a global variable, I wonder if she'd like my firmware?"

They sat down at the process table to top of form feed of fiche and chips and a bucket of baudot. Mini was in conversation mode and expanded on ambiguous arguments while Micro gave the occasional acknowledgments, although, in reality, he was analyzing the shortest and least critical path to her entry point. He finally settled on the old 'Would you like to-see-my-benchmark routine', but Mini was again one step ahead.

Suddenly she was up and stripping off her parity bits to reveal the full functionality of her operating system software. "Let's get BASIC, you RAM", she said. Micro was loaded by this; his hardware was in danger of overflowing its output buffer, a hang-up that Micro had consulted his analyst about. "Core", was all he could say, as she prepared to log him off.

Micro soon recovered, however, when Mini went down on the DEC and opened her divide files to reveal her data set ready.
He accessed his fully packed root device and was just about to start pushing into her CPU stack, when she attempted an escape sequence.

"No, no!", she cried, "You're not shielded!"

"Reset, Baby", he replied, "I've been debugged."

"But I haven't got my current loop enabled, and I can't support child processes", she protested.

"Don't run away", he said, "I'll generate an interrupt."

"No, that's too error prone, and I can't abort because of my design philosophy."

Micro was locked in by this stage, though, and could not be turned off. But Mini soon stopped his thrashing by introducing a voltage spike into his main supply, whereupon he fell over with a head crash and went to sleep.

"Computers!", she thought, as she recompiled herself. "All they ever think of is hex!"

Humping Robot

Previously at Miss Cellania: Robots

Thought for today: Love and sex with robots are inevitable. -David Levy

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