Miss Cellania

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Overheard

And this, fellow readers, is why Miss Cellania is probably the best writer we've ever had. A thing of beauty. -YesButNoButYes

...Miss Cellania who’s wonderfully funny and knowledgeable and also happens to write for Mental Floss. Her personal blog is updated as often as any multi-contributor blog site and has some wonderful gems... -Infinite Well

Miss Cellania has links, doctored-up photos staring Miss C. herself and YouTube videos from anywhere and everywhere on the internet. If it's funny, you'll probably see it first on her blog. -Suzanne Broughton

Miss Cellania has a site that is to die for. Whenever it’s time for a bit of a smile, interspersed with a gaffaw or two, I head on over there. -Compass Points

If you’re jonesing for more links you may want to visit Miss Cellania’s blog. Or should I say blogs. She’s like the blogosphere’s version of that Jamaican family from In Living Color. She has more blogs than they had jobs. If she starts contributing to one more blog I’m going to stage an intervention. -Cynical-C

I could never in a million years come up with half the wonderful facts, news, links et al that pepper every post she creates. -Mad Baggage

It’s a fantastic set of funny and interesting links, jokes and pictures that she compiled *every day*! -Neatorama

She finds the coolest, funniest stuff day after day. How on earth she does this I have no clue. -NYC Educator

I don't even know how I found Miss C, but I remember the first time I was there, I burned my chocolate chip cookies. I just couldn't stop browsing! Fun stuff over there. -Boomer Chick

If you're not regularly heading over and reading her well compiled, link-filled-goodness posts already, then maybe you should take a step back and do some self reflection and introspection to make sure your life is headed the direction it needs to be and that you're on a path that is fulfilling to you and your fellow man, as a person and as an American. -Hoodlumman

Funniest woman alive. -Pixie

It is quite possibly one of the most extensive sites I have seen for links to humourous content. It is a virtual encyclopedia for a myriad of different jokes on different topics and still growing. So a good site and worth checking out, theres definitely something for everyone, or anyone whos up for a laugh that is! -Mr. Joe Blog

BTW - you quite possibly put together the best, most well researched content on the web, bigtime kudos to you! -Anita B

One place I keep going back to is Miss Cellania. She really has it going on over there. Her posts are chock full of stuff I've never seen before, along with a few old favorites I had forgotten about. Anyone that can consistently come up with that much good stuff deserves kudos. -Blue Beaver Beer

Miss Cellania - is a great read, and there’s more than enough laughs to kill an evening with, on any given day. Miss C has her fingers on the pulse of every joke on the web that you haven’t seen yet. -Saskboy

(Funny, if a tad lowbrow) -Utopia Moment

Fabulous as usual..I appreciate all of the effort..and I am truly humbled. -Homo Escapeons

I'm not even sure why I thought her post is funny, but it is. That's all you're getting from me. Go read it. -konagod

YAY! Miss Cellania knows I'm alive!! -Fuzzy Dave

Gifts

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« September 30 Links, 2007 | Main | Dogs and Puppies »
Saturday
29Sep2007

Adam and Eve

What a wonderful story, full of symbolism (apple, snake, fig leaves), the struggle of good vs. evil, a beautiful garden for a setting, and nudity! What else could you ask for? With this as a first story, the Bible just grabs you and sucks you right in. A guaranteed best seller. And when you start peeling the layers back (like Shrek), you find more layers of meaning.


Tish published an Interview with Adam, part one and part two.

Hoss on the Garden of Eden.

Many different theories of Creation.

Belief-O-Matic -- A personality quiz about your religious and spiritual beliefs.

CREATION OF WOMAN
One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to God, 'Lord, I have a problem.'

'What's the problem, Adam?', God replies.

'Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy'

'Why is that, Adam?', comes the reply from the heavens.

'Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely.'

'Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a 'woman' for you.'

'What's a 'woman', Lord?'

'This 'woman' will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for you.', replies the heavenly voice.

'Sounds great.'

'She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam.'

'How much will this 'woman' cost me Lord?', Adam replies.

'She'll cost you your right arm, your right leg, an eye, an ear, and your left testicle.'

Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought and concern on his face. Finally Adam says to God, 'Ehhh, what can I get for a rib?'

The rest, as they say, is history.

ALTERNATE VERSION (Thanks, Wendy!)
Eve chats with God. "Lord, I have a problem."

"What's the problem, Eve?"

"I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, as well as that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy."

"And why is that Eve?"

"Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."

"Man? What is that Lord?"

"A flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and be vain; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But he'll be bigger, faster and will like to hunt and kill things. I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and hitting a ball about. He won't be as smart as you, so he will also need your advice to think properly."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with ironically raised eyebrows, "but what's the catch Lord?"

"Well ...you can have him on one condition."

"And what's that Lord?"

"As I said he'll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring.....so you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. And it will have to be our little secret........ you know, woman to woman."

UNRULY CHILDREN
Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.

And the first thing he said was, "DON'T!"

"Don't what?" Adam replied.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit.." God said.

"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!"

"No Way!"

"Yes way!"

"Do NOT eat the fruit! " said God.

"Why?"

"Because I am your Father and I said so! " God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants.

A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!

"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit? " God asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you? " said the Father.

"I don't know," said Eve.

"She started it! " Adam said.

"Did not! "

"Did too! "

"DID NOT! "

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.

Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

Thought for today: In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created man, and rested. Then God created woman. Since then neither God nor man have rested.

This post originally appeared on February 20, 2006.

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Reader Comments (11)

I love your post, and your pictures.
02.20.06 @ 02:51AM | Unregistered CommenterGodknows
Those were so funny and the comics are great. Thanks for the giggles.

Have a great day!
02.20.06 @ 08:42AM | Unregistered CommenterKaren
The "Creation of Woman" gave me my morning smile. The "Alternate Version" had me chuckling out loud.
02.20.06 @ 10:54AM | Unregistered CommenterSimply Coll
bah, it was the flying spaghetti monster that created the universe and everythhing else in it, http://www.venganza.org/ - seriously check it out, stuffs hillarious
02.20.06 @ 10:54AM | Unregistered Commenterel
Congratulations for your success on the smoking front. That is quite an accomplishment, and something to feel really proud of.

BTW, great blog as usual.
02.20.06 @ 11:41AM | Unregistered CommenterEd Bremson
What is this "God" thing? I thought there were lots of them: God, Lord, Yaweh, Thor, Zeus, Mohammad of the Turban Bomb Temple, Mrs. God, goddamit, and so on.
02.20.06 @ 01:25PM | Unregistered CommenterOldHorsetailSnake
Thanks for the laugh.
02.20.06 @ 08:02PM | Unregistered Commenteroopseedaisee
Excellent alternate views of A&E!
09.29.07 @ 10:31AM | Unregistered CommenterJean-Luc Picard
Those were good. I can understand the guy buying his Eve a birthday gift.
09.29.07 @ 06:41PM | Unregistered CommenterDick
Snake or no snake, I would still be happy to eat Miss Cellania's apple.
09.29.07 @ 06:54PM | Unregistered CommenterWalt
I lke some others dont know how I found MS C but i am glad I did. Thank you for all theinfo and humor you help make thi old mans day. JACK
04.03.08 @ 03:11PM | Unregistered Commenterjack

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