The more I drive, the more tired I am of driving. A woman at church was trying to explain to me where she lived. She couldn’t believe that I drove on such-and-such street several times a week and didn’t know where the blue house with the black shutters is. Of course, she was familiar with all the houses in the neighborhood, because half the time, she was riding in the passenger seat. I never do. Never. There’s a house in our neighborhood that was for sale for several months. The kids could describe the appearance, the driveway, the garden, even the pool in the backyard. I couldn’t even tell you what house it was, since it’s in a curve where I can’t even glance to the side while driving. I feel this deprivation most in October, when the mountains are blazing with color, but I’m focused on getting to point B without being hit by a coal truck. Is there any wonder I love a subway?

Car-Bike Accident

This one surprised me. You really only need to watch the first 12 seconds or so.

The Traffic Cone Preservation Society. (via Say No To Crack)

How to navigate a multi-mini roundabout. Relax, it’s in England.

More vanity plates, both clever and moronic.

The Ugliest Cars. At least the opinion of some folks.

The 50 Worst Cars of All Time.

Who says you can’t paint your own car? It helps if you know what you’re doing. The $50 Paint Job.

5 Cars That Became Metaphors.

What roads signs really mean. (via the Presurfer)

The 10 worst drivers caught on video. (via the Presurfer)

Microsoft Live Derby 2007. I managed to crash my way across New York for quite a while.

Don’t do a victory dance til you’ve crossed the finish line!

Big rig and truck accidents. The bigger they are, the harder they fall.

Ferrari

A hip young man goes out and buys a 1997 Ferrari GTO . It is the best and most expensive car available in the world, costing about $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and while stopping for a red light, an old man on a moped (both looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?"

The young man replies, "A 1997 Ferrari GTO. They cost about a half million dollars!"

"That's a lot of money," says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?"

"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly.

The moped driver asks, "Can I take a look inside?"

"Sure," replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.

Leaning back on his moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right!"

Just then the light changes so the guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 320 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoooossshhh! Something whips by him, going much faster!

"What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?!" the young man asks himself. Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whoooooosh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And it almost looked like the old man on the moped!

"Couldn't be," thinks the guy. "How could a moped outrun a Ferrari?!" Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whooooosh Ka-BbblaMMM! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end. The young man jumps out, and it IS the old man!!! Of course, the moped and the old man are hurting for certain. He runs up to the dying old man and says,

"You're badly hurt! Is there anything I can do for you?"

The old man moans and replies, "Yes, Unhook my suspenders from your side-view mirror!"

Heavenly Cars

Three guys died and when they got to the pearly gates, St. Peter met them there.

St. Peter said, "I know that you guys are forgiven because you're here. But before I let you into heaven, I have to ask you a couple of questions.Make sure you tell the truth because if you don't, we'll have to ask you to visit the beast below. Your answers will also determine what kind of car you will get.You have to have a car here in heaven because it is so huge!"

St. Peter asked the first man, "How long were you married?"

The guy replied, "24 years."

St. Peter then asked, "Did you ever cheat on your wife?"

The guy said, "Yeah, about 10 times... but you said I was forgiven."

Peter said, "Yes, but that's not too good. Here's a Pinto for you to drive."

The second guy got the same questions from Peter to which he replied, "I was married for 41 years and cheated on her only once, but that was during our first year and we worked it out. I was faithful thereafter."

Peter said, "I'm pleased to hear that. Here's a Mercedes SUV for you to drive."

The third guy said, "Peter, I know what you're going to ask. I was married for 63 years and didn't even look at another woman!I treated my wife like a queen!"

Peter said, "Now that's what I like to hear!Here's a Jaguar for you to drive."

A little while later, the two guys with the Lincoln and the Pinto saw the guy with the Jaguar crying on the golden sidewalk, so they went to see what was the matter. When they asked him what was wrong he tearily said, "I just saw my wife and she was on a skateboard!"

Thought for today: Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it. -Ellen DeGeneres

humor jokes video funny driver automobile car driving traffic