September 19th is, for some unknown reason, Talk Like A Pirate Day. Which means I am gonna have to put up with my boss saying "ARRR, me matey" all day. Followed by a belly laugh at himself. I can't talk like a pirate. I've tried, but end up sounding more like a parrot than a pirate. I get more laughs, but it makes my throat hurt. The official Talk Like a Pirate Day site has a lot of info. The British version is here. If you already know what pirates sound like, you can just enjoy it. This glossary might help, but if you don't have time for a glossary, here is a simple translating program. And a video. Or you can skip all this and just say ARRR all day (like my boss).

 The Five As

Pirate Laws.

Pirate liscence plate.

Pirate art.

You Can’t Trust Pirates.

What was the pirate movie rated?
Arrrr!
Why was it rated r?
Because of all the booty!

My pirate name is:

Iron Bess Flint

A pirate's life isn't easy; it takes a tough person. That's okay with you, though, since you a tough person. Like the rock flint, you're hard and sharp. But, also like flint, you're easily chipped, and sparky. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network

There is never a new holiday invented without a lot of marketing attached. Pirate stuff you can buy includes Pirate Bath and Linens, tableware, the Jolly Roger toaster,  Pirate supplies, and Talk Like A Pirate Day T-shirts.

The Pirate Song -George Harrison

Pirate Riddles for Sophisticates

BY KEVIN SHAY
Q: What's a pirate's favorite aspect of computational linguistics?
A: PARRRsing sentences.

Q: Of which concept shared by Jungian psychology and Northrop Frye's literary theory are pirates especially fond?
A: ARRRchetype.

Q: Who's a pirate's favorite member of the creative team behind "32 Short Films About Glenn Gould"?
A: Don McKellARRR.

Q: Of all of Richard Harris's many achievements in the performing arts, which is a pirate's favorite?
A: "MacARRRthur PARRRk."

Q: What's a pirate's favorite alliance-creating diplomatic agreement from the Second World War?
A: The TripARRRtite Pact.

Q: Which ancient Greek lyric poet do pirates like the best?
A: PindARRR.

Q: If a pirate were to recite one of the Olympian odes by the aforementioned poet, which one would it be?
A: The XIth Nemean Ode, "To ARRRistagoras, the Prytanis of Tenedos, son of ARRRchesilaus."

Q: If that same pirate were then to recite a 20th-century poem about the nature of poetry, what would it be?
A: "ARRRs Poetica" by ARRRchibald MacLeish.

Q: What if he went on to recite a poem by Sir Walter Scott?
A: "LochinvARRR."

Q: Why does that pirate keep reciting poetry, anyway? Is he some sort of Nancy-boy?
A: Aye, 'tis a Nancy-boy he be. Arrr.

Q: Of the ghosts that appear to Ebenezer Scrooge in "A Christmas Carol," which do pirates prefer?
A: Jacob MARRRley.

Q: Can we replace that last one with something about Bob Marley, so we can have an additional gag about RastafARRRianism?
A: No.

Q: Whom did the pirate vote for in the Haitian election?
A: ARRRistide.

Q: Wait. Why did they let a pirate vote in the Haitian election?
A: Remember, the nation was taking its first halting steps toward democracy, and balloting procedures were rather chaotic. The pirate just slipped in somehow. Arrr.

Q: I don't buy it. Pirates care nothing for participating in the electoral process.
A: Look, can we finish this up soon? I'm having those phantom pains in my wooden leg.

Q: A phenomenon first described in the 17th century by which important contributor to the field of amputation surgery?
A: Oh, this is getting ridiculous.

Q: Just say it.
A: Ambroise PARRR�.

Q: You can go now.
A: Arrr. Nancy-boy.

For some serious historical information on pirates, look at this, this, and this. A good site for kids who want to know about real pirates can be found here. Baseball fans can look at the Pittsburgh Pirates. If baseball is the LAST thing on your mind, maybe you'll be more interested in The Pirates of Penzance. But if you just want some more pirate fun and games, look here.

Previously at Miss Cellania: Pirates, Piracy, and Pirates of the Caribbean.

Thought for today: Remember: First you pillage then you burn.

This article was first published on September 18, 2005.

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