Football 2

This past Saturday, I witnessed what football fever can be. It was the day of the annual UK vs. Louisville game, and I woke up in Lexington at the UK Medical Center. The tailgate parties started early in the morning, right at the entrance to the parking garage. I thought it would be easy leaving town, since everyone else was coming in. But even four hours before game time, there were miles-long lines of SUVs with blue flags making their way to campus. Every law enforcement officer around was directing traffic, helping funnel vehicles to the stadium. If you were trying to get anywhere else, you could just wait. If you were going to commit a crime in Lexington, that would be the time to do it. I made my escape, and was glad to hear that UK won the Governor’s Cup, 40-34, for the first time in five years!

 
Samuel L. Jackson in The Comeback

Great football quotes.

If you really want to see the players, you need to checkout Australian rules football!

Top ten sportscasting bloopers. Some NSFW. 

When You Gotta Go...

(via It Occurred to Me)
An Alabama teen was at the doctor's office for a routine checkup to get clearance to play football. The nurse handed him a

urine sample container and told him to fill it up in the bathroom.

He returned a few minutes later and handed the nurse an empty container. "I didn't need this after all," he said. "There was a toilet in there."

Know Your SEC teams

1) What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs?  Drool.

2) What do you get when you put thirty-two Arkansas cheerleaders in one room?  A full set of teeth.

3) How do you get a South Carolina cheerleader into your dorm room?    Grease her hips and push.

4) How do you get a Georgia graduate off your porch?  Pay him for the pizza.

5) How do you know if a Mississippi State football player has a girlfriend? There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup.

6) Why is the Kentucky football team like a possum? Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

7) What are the longest three years of an Auburn football player's life?   His freshman year.

8) How many Florida Freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?   None -- that's a sophomore course.

9) Where was O. J. headed in the white Bronco?    Baton Rouge, Louisiana. He knew that the police would never look at LSU for a Heisman Trophy winner!

AND FINALLY (drum roll and cymbal crash).....
(10) Why did Tennessee choose orange as their team color? You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week.

Top NFL Complaints

1. After shooting the blank gun to end the half, the Dallas Cowboy players start shooting back with live ammunition.

2. Calling "heads or tails" but never getting any. . . "head" or "tail".

3. Players get "the wave". . . refs get "the finger".

4. Anyone who makes a call against the Detroit Lions risks pissing off their last remaining fan.

5. With Reggie White retired, the penalty for "Illegal use of a racial slur" is meaningless.

6. Just when we thought it was safe to be an NFL Ref, we have to go back to frickin' CLEVELAND!!!

7. Thanks to instant replay, picking nose during a game is twice as risky.

8. Everyone else gets to wear their Autumn colors, but for me it's black and white week after week after week!

9. Don King only bribes boxing judges.

10. Official rule books not made in Braille.

11. I'm the one that everybody wants to kill, so where's MY helmet and pads?!

FANS

(va Bits and Pieces)
Three football fans were out for a ride when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road.

They stopped and discovered a nude female, passed out drunk.

Out of respect and propriety, the Packer fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The Vikings fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead, but with some grumbling, the Bears fan took off his cap and placed it over her girly part.

The police were called and when the first officer arrived, he conducted his investigation. First he lifted up the Packers cap, replaced it and wrote down some notes. Next, he lifted the Vikings cap and replaced it, writing down some more notes.
The officer then lifted the Bears cap, replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time and replaced it one last time.

The Bears fan was becoming annoyed and asked, “What are you, a pervert or something? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?”

“Well,” said the officer, “I am just simply surprised. Normally, when you look under a Bears cap.... you find an asshole.”

Previously at Miss Cellania: Football

Thought for today: Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein. -Joe Theismann

humor jokes video funny games football gridiron SEC NFL

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Comments

[4thdownFeathers]

It's an old line, but it works for me: there are five seasons a year, and the only one that matters is football season. Fall and winter just happen to coincide widdit.

[actor212]

Australian Rules Football is how I used to play football, only not as manly. We allowed forward passes, but couldn't kick the ball downfield.

We didn't wear pads, and we played on frozen ground if we had to.

Football, as most Americans play it, is a wimpy sport for wimpy men who can't understand why they're wimpy.

[OmegaMom]

Okay, my foggy aged brain is probably forgetting something you posted recently, but what does "I woke up in Lexington at the UK Medical Center" mean? Why were you at the UK Medical Center, and why were you "waking up" there?? Are you okay?

[Miss Cellania]

I'm OK. My mother-in-law is in the hospital after a car wreck, but she is recovering. Supposedly.