Three years ago, I had two new rooms built on the house. It took me a year to find someone who would do it. I had contacted about 20 builders, five showed up, only one got back to me with an estimate, but declined the job because he didn’t have a crew. So when a “friend” said he’d get a crew together, I gave them my life savings and a list of specs. Moe, Larry, and Curly worked for a month and left. Out of about 15 specs, they got two right. The design was bad. The doors were the wrong size and opened the wrong way. The shower leaked. The roof leaked. The heating and air were inadequate. The electricity was so screwy, you had to leave the bathroom light on to keep the alarm clock on. The closet pole wouldn’t support clothing. The stairs fell apart. The shower was installed all wrong. They forgot trim. The pipes in the sink didn’t fit together. I called one guy back to fix something, and he came and left it in even worse shape.

Since then, I’ve had plumbers, electricians, carpenters, and roofers all laugh at the job they did. So when I decided it was time to have the old bathroom remodeled, I contacted a liscenced professional with a great reputation. He said I was next on his list. A year later, I’m still waiting for him to get started. The joys of home ownership. 

 
To get started, all it takes is a catalog. (via Arbroath)

Really bad wiring jobs. Maybe my spaghetti setup isn’t so bad after all! (via Dump Trumpet)

How high your ceiling is may affect how you think! (Thanks, Ed!)

The Useless Men explain the emotional side of carpentry.

Make your home Gaytop gay! (via Grow-A-Brain)

Digital dream house.

Frightening slideshow of nail gun injury x-rays.

Is it a good thing to have a urinal in your house? I personally think a bidet would be better.

Alternative & Crazy Home Construction Materials: Beer Cans, Tires & Cardboard.

Warning!

(via Phil’s Phun)
I'm not usually one for posting warnings about potential scams but I hada close call on Sunday.

I walked into Home Depot at lunchtime and some old guy dressed in a red shirt with a green apron on asked me if I wanted decking.

Fortunately, I got the first punch in and sorted him out.

Those less suspecting might not be so lucky.

TOILET

(Thanks, Rich!)
A man decided to paint the toilet while his wife was away. His wife came home sooner than he expected, used the toilet, and got the seat stuck to her rear.

She was understandably distraught about this and asked her husband to drive her to the doctor. She put a large overcoat on to cover the seat before they went. When they got to the doctor's office, the man lifted his wife's coat to show him their predicament.

The man asked, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?"

"Well, yes," the doctor replied, "but never framed."

Do It Yourself

When Construction goes wrong. Some of these have perfectly reasonable explanations, like laziness or budgeting problems, but some will make you scratch your head.

Seven videos showing why I leave roof maintenance to the professionals.

How to build your own wall to wall bookshelves that conceal a hidden door. Made without casters.

Obscene Interiors is not an obscene site, (just funny). Justin Jorgensen took photos that men send into dating services, removed the men (they were often naked anyway), and critiqued them by what the room behind them says about their personalities. Guys, did you know that women do this all the time? Yes, we do.

Screw Asylum.

C.A.Jewett's Patternmaking Chest. If you love tools, you’ll love this story. Even if you don’t, you’ll enjoy how much this guy appreciates the treasure he found.

This Old House home inspection nightmares.

TOOLS

There was this construction worker on the 3rd floor of this unfinished building. He needed a hand saw, but was too lazy to go down and get it himself, so he tried to call his fellow worker on the ground to get it for him, but this guy could not hear a word he said.

So he started to give a sign so the guy on the ground could understand him. First he pointed at his eyes (meaning "I") then pointed at his knees (meaning "need), and moved his hand back and forth describing the movement of a hand saw.

Finally, the guy on the ground started nodding his head like he understood and dropped his pants and started to jerk off.

The guy on the 3rd floor got pissed-off and ran down to the ground and started yelling at this guy, "You idiot, I was trying to tell you I needed a hand saw."

The other guy replied, "I know, I was trying to tell you that I was coming."

Previously at Miss Cellania: Home Improvement

Thought for today: You can have any kind of a home you want to. You can even get stucco---Oh, how you can get stucco. -Groucho Marx

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