First Date
Tuesday, 08.07.07 @ 12:07AM 
I make jokes about how I can’t get a date, but by now I’ve pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I won’t find a date, or serious relationship, or even a frivolous relationship, as long as I am “geographically undesirable” (thanks to Skunkfeathers for that lovely term). And even if I moved to a desirable place, my chances would only rise to about 1% because I am a middle-aged woman with minor children. The upside to that is I can pretend that my looks and personality are not to blame! So I have decided to give up my whining about my personal life, at least for now, unless I can make something really funny out of it. You can thank me later. Meanwhile, lots of other folks are having difficulty finding someone special, too, so we can continue to laugh at them.
Real Honesty on a First Date (via YesButNoButYes)
Ten More Signs You’ve Been Single Too Long. The “More” implies there were others earlier, but I couldn’t find a link to a previous article. (via Double Viking)
Date A Firefighter (UK). (Thanks, Paul!)
The Mancatcher Voodoo Kit. (via the Presurfer)
How NOT to get a date via YouTube. because, ya know, everyone loves a loser.
...or you could end up with someone like Steve.
ASTHMA
Matthew sets up Andrew to go on a blind date with a friend of his. But Andrew is a little worried about going out with someone he has never seen before.
"What do I do if she's ugly?" says Andrew, "I'll be stuck with her all night."
"Don't worry." Matthew says. "Just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't, just shout Aaaaaauuuggghhh! and fake an asthma attack."
So that night, Andrew knocks at the girl's door, and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is.
Andrew's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts, "Aaaaaauuuggghhh!"
The Freeloader does Internet Dating
Attraction theory, charted for your convenience.
Straight talk about replying to personal ads.
Sometimes relationships don’t work out. Time to move on. Then there’s this story about Darren, who paid over $100 for dinner on a first date. When they didn’t click, he asked her to fork over $50 for her dinner expenses. She declines. But he doesn’t give up! After that, the story gets really weird. A year later, the story is still fascinating, because, ya know, everyone loves a loser.
FINDING A MAN
It's not so complicated!
The nice men are ugly.
The handsome men are not nice.
The handsome and nice men are gay.
The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
The men who are not so ugly, but are nice men, have no money.
The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are
only after their money.
The handsome men without money are after our money.
The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.
The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money are pigs.
The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank GOD are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!
The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.
Thought for today: If you never want to see a man again, say, 'I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have children...' - they leave skid marks. - Rita Rudner
humor jokes video funny games dating relationships
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Reader Comments (4)
Do you have his phone number? I would like to see if his chutzpah can be bottled...
He said, "wow, she's twice the bad deal you are" or something to that effect.
Frankly, it worked out great to not have another man in the house until mine were grown- but I did miss having someone to share TV with at night (and stuff!)