Teenage Boys

No, I don't have any teenage sons. I will be on the lookout when my daughters get a bit older. From what I hear, I'll need to buy a much larger refrigerator if I want them to hang here at the house instead of taking my girls out of my sight. I ran into the son of a friend a couple of weeks ago. I hadn't seen him since he was 14 and a little bit taller than me. Now he's 16 and stands about 18 inches over me! It takes a lot of cheeseburgers to achieve such stature. Can you imagine trying to exert your will over someone twice your size? I'm sure a lot of you moms can and do, but just the thought of doing it without a  large father to help  frightens me.

I Want It That Way


THE LETTER
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to se the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed.

It was addressed, "Dad".

With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad, It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice - even with all her piercings, tattoos, and her tight motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion dad, she's pregnant and Joan said that we will be very happy. Even though you don't care for her as she is so much older than I, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. She wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams, too. Joan taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your son, John

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

Boys, the girls have you figured out better than you realize!

Worth a re-post: Crystal’s prank on her teenage son.

Butthole bottle rockets. What? Adults don’t do this!





THE CAR (lifted from The Happy Catholic)
A boy had just gotten his driver's permit and inquired of his father, an evangelist, if they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we'll talk about the car." Well, the boy thought about that for a moment, and decided that he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks they went in to the study, where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud. You've brought your grades up, and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, and participating a lot more in the Bible study groups. But, I'm real disappointed, since you haven't gotten your hair cut."

The young man paused a moment, and then said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair also."

To this his father replied, "Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?"

The Exam (lifted from Wulfweard the White)
A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family - but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever."

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

POETRY
My little boys are growing up...
The baby's five-foot three!
It's great, but must they take such pride
In looking down on me? - Susan D. Anderson

Previously at Miss Cellania: Teenage Daughter

Thought for today: No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.

This post first appeared on January 13, 2006.

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Comments

[FTS]

The fine art of misdirection. Like the teen-aged girl who told her parents she was prgnanat, then when they recovered told them she was kidding, that she'd merely dented the fender of the family car.

You can change the outcome by changing the perspective, eh?

[Wulfweard The White]

My lad has hit teenage yet (only 11) but had me speechless tonight. For more details see "First embarrassing father/son mome" on my blog.....

[Skunkfeathers]

Having once been a teenage boy, I am duly thankful that I am not a father today, in that had I a daughter, she'd not be allowed to date before she was 30, if then. I was the kind of teen yo' mama warned you about... ;)

[Miz UV]

That was fun! Actually I don't find that the teen boys who hang out here eat that much -- and they're not always wanting to bake something and mess up my kitchen either. But they do get LOUD, and sometimes they do inexplicable things like leap over the furniture. And if you have anything that resembles a ball, they WILL start throwing it around in the house.

[OldGuy]

LOL. My favourites were the report card and the minister's son.

Seriously though, I boys stop thinking when they turn 13 then start again when they turn 20. Or never.

[Chris]

You never fail to amuse, Miss C.

My favorite was The Exam:)

(Sorry if my spelling is bad....I'm only using one hand!)

[Walt]

I love kids, but I'm glad I don't have to worry,and lucky I'm not a father. I was a horny little bastard when I was a teenager.