The presidential campaign season started awfully early this time around. It’s because the race is wide open, since Bush can’t run again and Cheney isn’t going to. So everyone thinks they have a chance, including a lot of people who don’t have a chance, and even those who don’t want the chance. You know the candidates who are campaigning for the republican and democratic party nominations, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Granted, it’s the tip that’s above water, but there are others below the surface. Some may surprise you. I’ve divided these into people you’ve heard of, bloggers, people you’ve never heard of, and people who don’t exist at all.



But first, here’s a word on the 2008 race from Chris Rock.

NON-POLITICIANS YOU KNOW

Bill Gates for president. It was a draft campaign, but they eventually gave up.

Steve Jobs for President t-shirt.

Christopher Walken for president.

A draft petition for Jeff Bridges for president.

The Useless Men are handicapping a presidential race between Steven Seigal and David Hasselhoff.

Chuck Norris’ campaign promises, IF he were to run for president. From Grow-A-Brain’s post on Fringe Candidates, with lots more goodies.

Oprah Winfrey has a loyal base and a head start on everyone else, but the problem is, she doesn’t want to run.

Pornographer Al Goldstein is running. (NSFW)

BLOGGERS

Mike Ashley of It Occurred to Me is running for office on premise of “Why not? Everyone else is doing it!”

Skunkfeathers is taking time away from stormchasing and scambaiting to run for president on the National Barking Spider Resurgence Party ticket. He’s pretty serious about it -he even started a campaign blog!

Actor212 of Simply Left Behind is running for something called “(not) president.” Which is a shame, since he’s the Blogosphere’s Great Liberal Hope. I suppose it’s because if worst came to worst and he won, he may have to actually serve.

CANDIDATES YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF

 Grover Cleveland Mullins, from Harlan County, Kentucky (where I was born).

Jonathon Sharkey, Vampire, Witches and Pagan Party candidate for president.

Ron for president.

Vermin Supreme (more here)

Paul Ding is running for the nomination of the Whig Party. His campaign promises include 1. to bathe regularly. At least once a month in the winter, and in summer, as often as once a week! 2. to die in office. To this end, he promises to disband the secret service.

FICTIONAL CHARACTERS

 Cthulhu for president.

General Zod for president

Lisa Simpson for President. (via Grow-A-Brain)

Lambchop is pissed that he can’t vote, but he has a dream.

I also ran into a couple of political parties you’ve never heard of; the Ezenhemmer Plastic Bags and Child Rearing Utensils Party and The Official Monster Raving Loony Party (based in Britain).

THE PRIEST AND THE POLITICIAN

(via Bit and Pieces)
A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner.

He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession  I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, and taken illegal drugs. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."...

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession."

Thought for today: Don't get mad. Don't get even. Just get elected, then get even. - James Carville

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