We all make jokes about how awful marriage is, and there’s a lot of reason to! Anytime you put two people together, there’s going to be clashes of one sort or another... or all kinds. But we keep doing it! Even though the rate of legal marriage is going down, people still seek a committed cohabitating partnership. Some folks do it over and over again, hoping to get it right this time. Why? Because when all is said and done, having someone to talk to, to sleep with, and to grow old with beats doing it all by yourself.

 
How Men Talk to their Wives. (via Bits and Pieces)

Were you checking her out?

A marriage made in ... World of Warcraft?

You would think that a role-reversal would give men and women some insights into each other’s struggles, but human nature sometimes trumps intelligence or empathy.

She thinks like a woman, he thinks like a man. That can cause problems.

SHORTIES

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%!!! Its called wedding cake.

A man inserted an advertisement in the classified. In read: "Wife Wanted" The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: You can have mine.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

MISSING

Last month, a man placed a 911 call to his local police station and calmly reported to the police operator, "My wife, Gertrude, is missing."

The switchboard officer asked, "Sir, how long has your wife been gone?"

The husband replied, "I think about one month."

Why did you wait so long to report it?" asked the policeman.

The husband replied, "Well . . . Until yesterday, I thought it was just a dream."

ANGEL

(Thanks, Jan!)
A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.

He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

WIDOW

(Thanks, Evajane!)
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"  

She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."

The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"

She says, "That he did, Father."

The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"

She says, “He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...' “

THE FIGHT

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees.

"Really," said Charles, "Now that's a switch! What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."

The Wedding Ring Curse

(Thanks, Jan!)
A businessman boarded a plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond
ring he had ever seen. He asked her about it.

"This is the Klopman diamond," she said. "It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it."

"What's the curse?" the man asked.

"Mr. Klopman."

Previously at Miss Cellania: Marriage and the Mars and Venus Series.

Thought for today:  I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

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