Chemistry was one of the two classes in high school that scared just about everyone (the other was trigonometry). But my father insisted on more science, less vocational training, so there I was. It wasn’t so bad, since the class was very small. I looked forward to blowing things up! And we did! My teacher was a woman who was so well-liked that she was elected mayor a few years later (when she had enough former students of voting age). We learned as much math as anything else, computing atomic weights and moles and stuff. I never quite “got” the periodic table, at least not as well as some folks I know, but I know enough to appreciate how fascinating chemistry can be. And if I want to, I know how to blow stuff up.

The Periodic Table of Rock

If you thought the periodic table was just for elements, you haven’t seen nothin’ yet! People have adapted this fine chart for use in classifying food, drinks, music, and more.

Sure wish I had this in time for the Mental Floss article, but it's fairly new. Wellington Grey has produced the Periodic Table of the Internet. This makes me wonder what kind of compounds you could produce by combining these “elements”! (via the Presurfer)

Never doubt the power of science! Two New Zealand schoolgirls did a science fair project and proved that a GlaxoSmithKline lied about the vitamin C content of a product. The pharmaceutical company  admitted the charges in court. (via Boing Boing)

Scale model of a hydrogen atom. (via Dump Trumpet)

How not to conduct a science experiment.

Enjoy this collection of 16 chemistry experiments from the Journal of Chemical Education. You can read an explanation of each video, or just watch things bubble, burn, or explode! (via Dump Trumpet)

Chemistry jokes. I didn’t get most of these.

A Gummie Bear in Potassium Chlorate

TALES OUT OF SCHOOL

On a chemistry test at Midpark High School in Middleburg Heights, Ohio, one question concerned how to clean the floor after a chemical-powder spill. In detail, I described the liquid I would combine with the powder in order to dissolve it with chemical bonding and electron transfer. I was pleased with my grasp of molecular structure until the exams were handed back. 

Our teacher asked another student to read her answer. She suggested a broom and a dustpan to sweep up the spill -- and got full credit.

***
During my freshman biology class at North High School in Springfield, Ohio, our teacher was lecturing on the conditions in which bacteria exist.

Elaborating on the acidic environment where certain bacteria thrive, he suggested a simple experiment. "I want you to drop a nail into a glass of Coke or Pepsi, and then observe the acidic reaction on the nail," he said.

The girl sitting next to me raised her hand and asked in all seriousness, "Do you mean a real nail, or a press-on?"

***
During class, the chemistry professor was demonstrating the properties of various acids. "Now I'm going to drop this silver coin into this glass of acid. Will it dissolve?"

"No sir," one student called out.

"No?" queried the professor. "Perhaps you can explain why the silver won't dissolve in this particular acid."

"Because if it would, you wouldn't have dropped it in!"

***
This was a story told to us by our chemistry master at school. A female student wished to make some potassium hydroxide solution (aqueous) and decided to throw a large lump of potassium into a bucket of water. Her professor observed what she was about to do, out of the corner of his eye and hurried towards her, and after confirming this was what she was intending to do, asked her first to stir the water in the bucket for five minutes before adding the potassium. She was puzzled and ran after him to ask the purpose of this action.

"It will give me time to get away' said the professor.

New Element Discovered by Scientists

A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the densest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Bushcronium".

Bushcronium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311.

These particles are held together by dark forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. The symbol for bushcronium is "W".

Bushcronium's mass actually increases over time, as morons randomly interact with various elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons in a Bushcronium molecule, forming iso-dopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Bushcronium is formed when morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "critical morass."

When catalyzed with money, Bushcronium activates Foxnewsium, an element that radiates orders of magnitude and more energy, albeit as incoherent noise. Foxnewsium has 1/2 as many peons but twice as many morons.

Thought for today: When chemists die, we barium.

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