Oh, yeah, it’s easy for me to make jokes about cheating! It’s hard to cheat, or be cheated on, when you are unmarried and unattached. And can’t even get a date. When you are in my position, you marvel at how anyone can actually get TWO people to pay attention to you, much less have sex with you. Or in some cases, more than two people. That doesn’t make it right, it just makes it out of my league. Like some of the other subjects I've covered, cheating, affairs, adultery  and such can be funny, as long as it’s happening to someone else. Especially someone you don’t care about. Like the fictional characters you’ll meet here today.

 
Automated Confession (via The Rain in Spain)

The Checkmate Semen Detection Kit is not a joke. For $49.95, you can have your wife or daughter’s underpants tested. Creepy.

If you’re going to do DNA tests to see if your spouse is cheating, you might not want to do it at work. Unless you are sure you can live off the alimony. (via Metafilter)

Blog of the Day: Cheating Exposed.

The adulterer, his wife, and the tent pitched too close to a cliff. (via Fark)

INFIDELITY

(Thanks, Phil!)
An 87-year-old woman came home from bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman.

She pushed him off a balcony on the 20th floor of a seniors' apartment tower, killing him instantly.   

Brought before the court on a murder charge, the judge asked if the woman had anything to say in her defence.

"Yes, your honour. I figured that at 92, if he could have sex, he could also fly."

HAPPY AND SAD

A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine when the husband said, "I bet you can't tell me something that will make me feel happy and sad at the same time."

The wife thought for a few moments, then said, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."

SugarDaddyForMe.com  has the tagline “Sugar Daddy Dating and Personals”, but look at the header -”Extramarital Affairs, Rich Men.” Nuff said. (via YesButNoButYes)

FACIAL HAIR

A married man was visiting his mistress when she requested that he shave his beard. "Oh, James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."

James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she'd kill me!"

"Oh, please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice.

"Oh, really, I can't," he replies. "My wife loves this beard!"

The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in.

That night, James crawls into bed with his wife while she's sleeping. The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies, "Oh, Michael, you shouldn't be here, my husband will be home soon."

TESTIMONY

A salesman was testifying in his divorce proceedings against his soon-to-be ex-wife. "Please describe," said his attorney, "the incident that first caused you to entertain suspicions as to your wife's infidelity."

"Well, I'm pretty much on the road all week," the man testified. "So naturally when I am home, I'm attentive to the wife."

"One Sunday morning," he continued, "we were in the midst of some pretty heavy love-making when the old lady in the apartment next door pounded on the wall and yelled, 'Can't you at least stop all that racket on the weekends?'"

THE CRUISE

A man wanted to determine if both his wife and mistress were faithful to him. So he decided to send them on the same cruise, then later question each one on the other's behavior.

When his wife returned, he asked her about the people on the trip in general, then casually asked her about the specific behavior of the passenger he knew to be his mistress. "She slept with nearly every man on the ship," his wife reported.

The disheartened man then rendezvoused with his cheating mistress to ask her the same questions about his wife.

"She was a real lady," his mistress said.

"How so?" the encouraged man asked.

"She came on board with her husband and never left his side."

NEW SECRETARY

Two law partners hire a new cute young secretary, and a contest arises between them as to who can bed her first, even though they're both already married. Eventually one of them scores with her, and his partner is quite eager to hear how things went.

"So what did you think?" asks the partner.

"Ahh," replies the first lawyer, "my wife is better."

Some time goes by, and then the second lawyer goes to bed with the secretary. "So," asks the first guy, "what did you think?"

The second guy replies, "You're right."

HOTEL SERVICE

"And will there be anything else, sir?" the bellboy asked after setting out an elaborate dinner for two in the hotel room.

"No thank you." thegentleman replied. "That will be all."

As the young man turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful satin negligee on the bed.
"Anything for your wife ?" he asked.

"Yeah! That's a good idea." The fellow said. "Please bring up a postcard."

AFFAIR

A married business executive had to make a trip to Palm Beach alone for his corporation. After a few days, he was enjoying himself so much that he decided to stay another week as part of his vacation.

Wanting to share this newly discovered paradise, he wired his bachelor friend: "Take the next plane for a fun week on me. Bring my wife and your mistress."

His friend was quick to wire back: "Your wife and I arriving tomorrow 11:30 a.m. How long have you known about us?"

Thought for today: 65% of people say that cheating on your income tax is worse than cheating on your spouse. The other 35% were women. -Jay Leno

humor jokes video funny cheating affair adultery extramarital sex infidelity

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