I have nothing against preachers as a whole. I love my minister; he’s a humble caring man who strives constantly to spread the love of Jesus. There are a lot like him, but you don’t hear much about them. Then there are those who are convinced they are ordained to lead their church and the entire world in whatever direction they choose. You hear a lot about them; they make headlines, and often they give the rest of us Christians a bad reputation. And of course, there are many who fall somewhere between these extremes, because after all, preachers are human, too. As the rest of this post will illustrate.

Nobody’s Perfect

Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church is an extreme unto himself. I’ve posted about him elsewhere. Beware the hate.

Blog of the Day: Peacebang’s Beauty Tips for Ministers. You don’t have to be a minister to thoroughly enjoy the writing on this one! (via the Presurfer)

Two-Faced Preacher (mp3). (via Boogie Woogie Flu)

Posted before, but worth another look: Church Sign Smackdown.

LAST MINUTE

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. "Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."

The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."

KKK

(Thanks, Evajane!)
The Alabama preacher said to his Congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."

No one moved.

The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression. "

Again all was quiet.

Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends you were a wizard under the sheets."

The preacher fainted, and the congregation roared.

CHURCH

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "It was a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theater seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now."

The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued, "And you told me adding a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock'n'roll gospel choir. Now our services are consistently packed to the balcony."

"Thank you, Father," answered the young priest. "I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth."

"All of these ideas have been well and good," said the elderly priest, "but I'm afraid you've gone too far with the drive-thru confessional."

"But, Father," protested the young priest, "my confessions and the donations have nearly doubled since I began that!"

"Yes," replied the elderly priest, "and I appreciate that. But the flashing neon sign, 'Toot 'n Tell or Go to Hell' cannot stay on the church roof.

ORDERS

A young man is thinking of becoming a Catholic priest, so he goes to talk to his pastor about the different religious orders.

What can you tell me about the Dominicans?" he asks.

"Oh, they were formed in the Thirteenth Century to combat the Albigensian heresy," the priest replies.

"And the Jesuits?"

"They formed in the Sixteenth Century in response to the Protestant Reformation."

The young man looks puzzled. "So what's the big difference between them?"

"When was the last time you met an Albigensian?"

THE SIGN

A local priest and a pastor were fishing on the side of the road. They thoughtfully made a sign saying, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" and showed it to each passing car.

One driver who drove by didn't appreciate the sign and shouted at them, "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!"

All of a sudden they heard a big splash, looked at each other, and the priest said to the pastor, "You think maybe we should have just said 'Bridge Out' instead?"

WHY GETTING OLD ROCKS

(Thanks, Ed!)
Toward the end of the service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"

80% held up their hands.

The Minister then repeated his question.

All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.

"Mrs. Jones? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any," she replied, smiling sweetly.

"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"

"Ninety-eight," she replied.

"Oh, Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?"

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said: "I outlived the bitches."

Thought for today: Didja hear? Jimmy Swaggert has written an impressive new book.  It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."

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