They say (and you know “they” are always right) that at a certain age, a woman has to choose between her face and her butt. What that means is that you either gain weight, or show your wrinkles. Plumper women look younger, but they also look plumper. Then eventually comes a time when it all goes downhill. It’s not so bad if you have a man by your side whose eyesight is going downhill at the same rate, but there are way too many of us facing the calendar alone. The problem is that by the time a woman is wise enough to know how to be happy AND make a man happy, the men are all married, dead, or out chasing twentysomethings. There’s a reason it was your mother who told you life ain’t fair.

The Math of Love. (via Gorilla Mask)

The Blue Thong Society shows us what turning 50 SHOULD be like! Its sorta like the Red Hat Society for Baby Booomers.

Rant: Middle Aged Women complaining about sex!

Here's the 20-40-60 Rule: (via Old Horsetail Snake)
When you're 20, you are obsessed with what everyone is thinking about you; when you're 40, you stop caring about what people think about you; when you're 60, you realize that no one was ever thinking about you.

Over 50 Q and A.

The Top Ten GILFs in Entertainment.

On a related note, here’s a Field Guide to Hollywood’s Hottest Cougars.

Sometimes, you just gotta face facts and act accordingly. Or dress accordingly, like this woman doesn’t.

TAKING STOCK

(Thanks, Eva!)
After my 25th wedding anniversary, I took a look at my wife one day  and said, "Honey, 25 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde.

Now we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but  I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not  holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blonde and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, watching a black and white 10 inch TV and sleeping on a sofa bed.

Aren't older women great. They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis...... ...

10 SIGNS OF "ESTROGEN ISSUES"

(via Holtie’s House)
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

2. You're adding chocolate to your cheese omelet.

3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

5. You're using your mobile phone to dial up every car sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 0800-".

6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.

7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space".

8. You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.

9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

ONE-LINERS

Midlife is when the growth of the hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.

Midlife women no longer have upper arms; we have wingspans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts; we are flying squirrels in drag.

Midlife has hit when you stand naked in front of the mirror and can see your rear end without turning around.

Midlife is when you bounce (a lot), but you don't bounce back. It's more like splat!

Midlife is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen, honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those things will too!"

Midlife is when you realize that, if you were a dog, you would need a control top flea collar.

Midlife is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old that you have to pay someone to look at you naked.

Midlife brings the wisdom that "life throws you curves" and that you're now sitting on your biggest ones.

Midlife can bring out your angry, bitter side. You look at your latte-swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all teenager and think, "For this I have stretch marks?"

Midlife is when your memory really starts to go: the only thing you still retain is water.

The good news about midlife is the glass is still half-full. Of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it.

You know you've crossed the midlife threshold when you're in the grocery store and you hear a Muzak version of "Stairway to Heaven" in the produce department.

Midlife is when your 1970's Body-by-Jake now includes Legs-by-Rand McNally (more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of the state of Wisconsin).

Midlife is when you start to repeat yourself and your chins follow suit.

You become more reflective in midlife. You start pondering the "big" questions: what is life, why am I here, and how much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice.

Thought for today: Any woman can have the body of a 21-year-old, as long as she buys him a few drinks first.

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