It’s easy to find humor in barnyard animals because people have always lived so close to them. You have to laugh at the whole idea of caring for animals, then eating them (or else you would cry). Also, putting together different species (plus humans) in one home when they would naturally have nothing to do with each other leads to some strange stories. I’m not just talking about sex here. Unlike ethnic groups, livestock will not object to being characterized as dumb. Because they are. So the three little pigs, Chicken Little, and Clarabell are fair game!

 
Purina brings you the Grand Ole Opry

Cowscapes. (via Everlasting Blort)

If you underestimate the stupidity of farm animals, check out Plutos the Bubblemans' and his sheep.

See the Barnyard Freak Show at Sideshow World. 

Build your own cow!

Hang Stan is like Hangman, except with Stan. He’s a pig, but the game is addicting. (via Mad Baggage)

MIRACLE

(via Phil's Phun)
The devout cowboy lost his favourite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a cow walked

up to him carrying the Bible in it's mouth.

The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised is eyes heav

enward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle !"

"Not really," said the cow. Your name is written inside the cover."

Butch the Rooster

(via When I Grow Up)

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets" and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs.

The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot

of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.

The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, and a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate.

The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would ru

n for cover. But to Farmer John's amazement, Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of Butch, he entered him in the Boone County Fair and Butch became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result...

The judges not only awarded Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well. Clearly Butch was a politician in the making: who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

PURCHASE

A farmer goes to a livestock dealer and buys an anvil, a bucket, two chickens, and a goose. The farmer looks at his purchases and says, "Damn, I WALKED here. How am I gonna carry all this home?"

The livestock dealer said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"

"Hey, thanks!" the farmer said, and off he went.

While walking home he met a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1515 Mockingbird Lane?"

The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live just down the road from there. Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."

The little old lady said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?"

The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

She replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket ... and I'll hold the chickens." 

Sumo Cow

Previously on Miss Cellania: Cows, More Cows, Pigs, Year of the Pig, Chickens, Horses, and Sheep.

Thought for today: All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others. -George Orwell, Animal Farm

PS: Today is the 30th anniversary of the opening of the first Star Wars movie. In honor of the occasion, I have a post at YesButNoButYes entitled The First Time I Saw Star Wars, where a dozen writers share their memories. You can add yours in the comments!

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