A couple were being interviewed on their Golden Wedding Anniversary. "In all that time -- did you ever consider divorce?" they were asked.

"Oh, no, not divorce," one said. "Murder sometimes, but never divorce." Ha!

The upshot is that they never did either, they are now trying to outlive each other. Most folks, being taught that murder is wrong, would try divorce first. But even when you are no longer married, the urge to strangle someone doesn’t automatically go away. When the story is really murder, there is usually a lot of money involved, which is a totally foreign concept to me, since I was never married to anyone who had any. And chalk up another reason its great to be broke -no one will kill you for your money!

The Divorce Song -Stephen Lynch

Not quite a divorce story,  but a breakup, and that’s close enough. Home Base. (language NSFW)

Facebook News Feed of the Worst Day Ever.

The Ten Most Expensive Celebrity Divorces.

The Twenty most expensive divorces ever.

Give your marriage the proper burial with the Wedding Ring Coffin.

Wendell, the Evil Taxidermist.

THE SISTER

Dan married a woman with an identical twin. Less than a year later, he was in court filing for a divorce.

"Tell the court why you want a divorce," said the judge.

"Well, your honor, every once in a while my sister-in-law would come over for a visit, and because she and my wife looked exactly alike, every once in a while I'd end up making love to her by mistake," said Dan.

"Surely there must be some difference between the two women." the judge said.

"You'd better believe there is a difference, your Honor. That's why I want the divorce."

GOLF

(Thanks, Phil!)
Dave stood over his tee shot on the 450 yard 18th hole for what seemed an eternity. He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his back swing.

Finally his exasperated partner asked, "What is taking so long?"

"My wife is watching me from the clubhouse balcony," Dave explained. "I want to make a perfect shot."

"Good lord," his companion exclaimed. "You don't have a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here."

SWEET REVENGE

(Thanks, April!)
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked.

People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.

He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving companies pack everything to take to their new home.........

And to spite the ex-wife; they even took the curtain rods!!!!!!

Previously on Miss Cellania: Divorce or Murder? and Mars and Venus: the Breakup.

Thought for today: I still miss my ex, ....but my aim is getting better.

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