Congratulations to Dick at RV Travels with Huggy! He’s getting married to Pat this Saturday. In honor of the blessed occasion, I rounded up some more wedding links and jokes. Now, I’ve been a widow longer than Dick has, and I have hardly even dated since then, but am I jealous? What do you think? Of course I am! But I am still happy for both Dick and Pat, and I’d be happy for anyone who finds the kind of joy they obviously have found in each other. So, best wishes to both of you, and don’t take these wedding examples today too seriously!


You Have the Ring, Don’t You? (Thanks, Jan!)

Check out this selection of amazing, if inexplicable, wedding dances.

Unique gifts for the bride-to-be at Classy Bride. Like the word “bride” on her butt.

Cajun Wedding

Blog of the Day is Wedding Heckler: Cheap Shots from the Back Pew.

Matt Wiggins started a FaceBook group to convince his fiance to have a Star Wars wedding. If he gets 10,000 people to join, he gets stormtroopers for escorts. If 20,000 people join, they’ll play The Imperial March. If you have a FaceBook account, you can help him out! The wedding is in October, and he already has over 6,000 members. No word on whether we will all be invited.

Some awesome wedding (and other occasion) cakes. This example includes the marital bed! (via Dump Trumpet)

Awful Wedding Crap. (via Everlasting Blort)

The Groom’s Guide to the Wedding. You’ve got to read the whole thing when you get time, its down-to-earth and hilarious.

The Useless Men have advice on what to wear to a wedding.

CHRISTIAN WOMAN MARRIED PERVERT!

PLANS

(Thanks, Jan!)
Erchie and Jock, are sitting in the pub discussing Jock's plans for his forthcoming wedding.

"Ach, it's all going grand," says Jock. "I've got everything organised already: the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings,the minister, even ma stag night..."

Erchie nods approvingly.

"Hivvens, I've even bought a kilt to be married in!" continues Jock.

"A kilt?" exclaims Erchie, "That's braw, you'll look pure smart in that!

"And what's the tartan?" Archie then enquires.

"Ach," says Jock, "I'd imagine she'll be in white..."

THE HONEYMOON

Mike was going to be married to Karen so his father sat him down for a little chat. He said, "Mike, let me tell you something.
On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your mother, and said, Here - try these on.'

She did and said," these are too big. I can't wear them."

I replied, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.' Ever since that night, we have never had any problems."

"Hmmm," said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try.

On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, "Here - try these on."

She tried them on and said, "These are too large. They don't fit me."

Mike said, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that."

Then Karen took off her pants and handed them to Mike. She said, "Here - you try on mine."

He did and said, "I can't get into your pants."

Karen said, "Exactly. And if you don't change your smart-ass attitude, you never will."

Theme Wedding

THE WEDDING NIGHT

(Thanks, Jan!)
Bill had always been a prankster. As each of his friends were married, Bill made sure some type of practical joke was played upon them. Now ready to be married himself, he was dreading the payback he knew was coming.

Surprisingly, the ceremony went off without a hitch. No one stood up during the pause to offer a reason 'why this couple should not be married'. His reception wasn't disrupted by streakers or strippers, and the car the couple was to take on their honeymoon was in perfect working order.

When the couple arrived at their hotel and entered the room, Bill even checked for cornflakes in the bed (a gag he had always loved). Nothing, it seemed, was amiss. Satisfied that he had come away unscathed, the couple fell into bed.

Upon waking, the couple was ravenous so Bill called down to room service and asked, "I'd like to order breakfast for two."

At that moment, a soft voice from under the bed said, "Make that five."

THE WEDDING TEST

(lifted from Holtie’s House)
I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year and so we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me ... it was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I
stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said , "We are
very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!"

And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.

The question is: Just how drunk do you have to be, to get married?

Previously on Miss Cellania: Wedding, Wedding Day Horror, and Redneck Wedding.

Thought for today: I always cry at weddings, especially my own. -Humphrey Bogart

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