Did you survive April Fool’s Day? We are into the third day of a ten-day spring break, and we’ve already packed away the winter clothing, sorted the summer clothing, potted up more plants, attended a party, and mowed the lawn. The girls have asked for years to mow the lawn, and I told them maybe when they are bigger. Now they are finally taller than the mower handle, so I let them try it. That didn’t last long. The mower is much heavier and harder to push than they imagined! I don’t suppose they will be bugging me about that anymore. Oh, well, maybe next year.

A four-minute fight scene in one take. If you aren’t amazed enough by watching it, read the story behind the scene.

Lisa B is walking for women’s cancer research on May 5th. Read all about it and you might want to sponsor her!

Mamacita has a new domain! Visit her now at Mamcita.tv.

I’m sure you have always wondered what the Useless Men looked like naked. I’m sorry to say that we have found out about at least one.

UFO porn. From Finland, where Miss Cellania is more popular than here in the States. Because I post stuff like this.

How a Roomba will affect your life.

Several celebrities have been banned for life from Saturday Night Live. See why!

Anti-War videos: Flashback time!

Michael Jackson wants to erect a huge robot of himself that would wander the desert near Las Vegas. Really. This could cause some design quandaries... which Michael jackson would it look like? How would YOU design this robot? 

Comedy Football (or Soccer Montage, for Yanks)

Tropix. Swap the fruit to make rows of three or more, but hurry before the ice freezes your fruit! (via Ursi’s Blog)

Shelly’ comparisons between music sites Pandora and Fine Tune.

What Google looked like ten years ago.

KINKY

(via Wulfweard)
Steve and Fiona were making passionate love in Steve's VW Van when suddenly Fiona, being a bit on the kinky side, yelled out "Oh fatboy, whip me, whip me!"

Steve, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips to hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opened the window, snapped the antenna off his van and proceeded to whip Fiona until they both collapsed in sado-masochistic ecstasy.

About a week later, Fiona noticed that the marks left by the whipping session were starting to fester a bit so she went to the doctor. The doctor took one look at the wounds and asked, "Did you get these marks having sex??"

Fiona, embarrassed to own up to having kinky sex, eventually admitted that, yes, she did.

Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor said, "I thought so, because in all my years of doctoring it's the worse case of van aerial disease I've ever seen."

Lory Yazurlo became a quadraplegic in a work-related accident. Afterward, she started a sanctuary for pigs in Florida. Over 700 pigs make their home at Pig Tales. When Pigs Fly is a new documentary about Lory and her pigs, currently making the rounds of film festivals. Its a fascinating story. (via YesButNoButYes)

Animators The Brothers McLeod, who brought you the Fist of Fuggy, are selling original art on eBay. Check out the work entitled “What have I done with my hair straightners” and maybe make a bid.

Unfortunate sawmill accident involving genitals. Wonderfully written story about it and a picture.

The next wave of alarm clocks for heavy sleepers.

Bad Sex Education. (NSFW)

Cartoon time! BillGates vs. Steve Jobs.

<  I love this headline! (via Scanner)

Screenvader has plenty of multimedia treats, IF you can catch a link! (via All-Night Surfing)

Sock Puppet Porn.

Cyborg Fish. I don’t know what you are supposed to do here, but I spent a lot of time playing with it. (Thanks, Bill!)

The West Virginia Mountaineers won the National Invitational (basketball) Tournament (NIT) by beating Clemson 78-73. There’s only one thing missing...

Bush Approval Chart.

THE CALLER

A lady is sitting at home when the phone rings. "Hello," she says.

"Hello," says the male voice at the other end. "I bet you'd really like it if I came around, ripped off your blouse and bra and
panties, then threw you to the floor and made hot, sweaty love to you"

The lady replies, "From one 'hello,' you can tell all this?"

THE BOOK

In a small town in Texas, the local madam operated a telephone service. The police finally arrested her and seized her big black book in which her talent was listed.  Each officer on the force was assigned a group of the names in it and told to check them out. After a week, the Chief called a meeting to get their reports. 

When it became the turn of Constable Ralph to tell what he had found, he said, "I'm sorry, Chief, but I think I should disqualify myself. One of the ladies on whom I called is an eighty-four-year-old woman. She is so charming that I have to tell you that I have fallen in love with her."

"Holy Ewings!" exclaimed the Chief. "I'm sure surprised at you, Ralph. You've been a policeman almost all your life -- and here you are, falling for the oldest trick in the book!"

My Perfect Post Award for March goes to The Frog Blog for the Mensa Initiation Day post. Karl pontificates on the wisdom of dropping trou and saying “shoot me” to a guy with his finger on the trigger. I was in stitches! You can see all the March Perfect Post Awards at Petroville and Suburban Turmoil. You can sign up to give out your own Perfect Post Award next month, too! And if you are looking for something good to read, check out all the previous awards here.  

The Best of the Fruitcake Lady

Thought for today: Masturbation is not illegal, but if it were, people would probably take the law into their own hands. -George Carlin

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