If I were following my usual habit of short straightforward post titles, this would be named "Penis". I thought about how someone who might stumble across this site for the first time would react, and decided to be a little circumpect. I said a little. Then I had to reconcile my massive file of material with my self-imposed rule of no nudity on this site, so a lot of what I would have printed directly is merely linked to other sites, where the nudity is. You can assume all the links in today’s post are Not Safe For Work. If you are underage, go away now.

 
The Freakin’ Brothers. (Thanks, Whitesnake!)

The Penis Genius, featuring the Penis Name Generator, Great Moments in Penis History, and the Dickorator. And more! (via YesButNoButYes)

The Penis Song, from Monty Python.

The history of penis worship.

Sometimes, a corporate logo ends up looking like something that wasn’t quite intended. Take a look at the B3ta Phallic Logo Awards.

Penises can be a great advertising aid. I mean really, you’re gonna remember this one. Uh, what were they advertising again? (Thanks, Scaramouch!)

Dick on fire. Why would anyone DO that?

Sex isn’t the only purpose for a penis.

Musikdude had some real problems there involving surgery over the last couple of months. He used the above video to announce that everything is turning out all right finally.

Jean Claude VanDamme danced with some hot ladies on a Brazilian TV show. The real show started when he developed a boner.

How to hide an erection.

In the opposite direction, Do It Yourself Crotch Bulges.

Puppetry of the Penis is the premier penis show. Its a bit hard to explain, so here are three short clips of the show. And an interview with Puppetry of the Penis actor.

I wonder why men get serious at all.  They have this delicate, long thing hanging outside their bodies which goes up and down by its own will.  If I were a man I would always be laughing at myself. -Yoko Ono

I Love My Penis refridgerater magnet.

I Love My Penis gum.

You can make an exact vibrating rubber copy of your penis with the Clone-A-Willy kit! “Keep that special someone home, even when he's far away.” Also available: Chocolate, candle, and female versions.

Famous penises.

Umbrella

OVERHEARD

Two businessmen are at the urinals.

The first one says, "I'm going home for the day. Take care. You have a good one."

And the second one says, "Thanks. I didn't know you were looking."

INTERNET

(via Holtie’s House)

The Internet is like a Penis.

It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done.

In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.

It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own devices, it will just do the same damn dumb things it did before.

It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take this interaction very seriously, others treat it as a lark. Sometimes it's hard to tell what kind of person you're dealing with until it's too late.

If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures, it can spread viruses.

It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.

We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.

If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you in big trouble.

It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how good your intentions, it will warp your behaviour. Later you may ask yourself "why on earth did I do that?"

Some folks have it, some don't.

Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. They think that those who don't have it are somehow inferior. They think it gives them power. They are wrong.

Those who don't have it may agree that it's a nifty toy, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it. Still, many of those who don't have it would like to try it.

Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop.

Some people would just play with it all day if they didn't have work to do.

You say you have a large penis? Now we can reliably measure!

Size Matters: The light version.

Size Matters: The heavy version.

At times, small is better.

Is your penis healthy? Healthy Penis hopes so! (Thanks, Ed!)

THE DOCTOR

(via Bits and Pieces)
"Don't laugh!" said the patient, Ed.

"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," Ed said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest penis the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger than the size of a AAA battery.

Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.

"I'm so sorry," said the doctor. "I really am. I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now...what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," Ed replied.

Previously at Miss Cellania: Manliness, Men, Male Sexuality, Mr. Right, Man Things, and Manly Men.

Thought for today: Ladies have come up with all these expressions to reassure men. "Oh, honey, it's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean." That may be true, but it takes a long time to get to England in a rowboat. - Jeff Foxworthy

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