A Fark thread (so long ago, I can’t find the link) talked about the five questions men don’t want to answer. We’ve discussed these before, here, and pretty much came to the conclusion that women shouldn’t ask those questions, because what men think is what one Farker admitted:
1. What are you thinking about? You. Me. Bed. Soon.
2. Do you love me? Yes. Now get me a beer.
3. Do I look fat? Only when you have clothes on.
4. Do you think she is prettier than me? Is this a trick question?
5. What would you do if I died? What was your sister's name again?
But what happens in real life is that the questions just provoke anxiety in men because they are trying to think of the aswer women want to hear. If you list the questions they REALLY dread, it would be these (supplied by another Farker):
1. Do you wanna get married or not?
2. How do you feel about children?
3. You call that a penis?
4. Is it in yet?
5. What part of restraining order” do you not understand?
So, the question I’m most likely to ask a man (from my many years of marriage) is, “where would you like to go for dinner?”

Its a Great Day to Be a Guy -Cletus T. Judd meets Naruto

What do men think about when they aren’t thinking about sex?

The Man Song.  (via the Presurfer)

The Top 20 Manliest Movies of All Time.

The most masculine name EVER. A trifecta!

Put Another Log on the Fire. (Thanks, Reader!)

In a study of how people see the internet, researchers find that women look at faces, whereas men’s eyes are drawn to crotches. And they don’t even have to be human.

Intimidation displays in the human male.

HOW-TO SECTION

Far be it for me to tell you what to do! But there’s always someone else who will. Instructions for men, collected from all over the net.

How to be Manly.

Dressing Guide for Men.

Fashion for Nerds is one cool site! Here’s their Top Ten Fashion Suggestions. (via the Presurfer)

How to remove a bra with one hand. (via Bits and Pieces)

Wanna find out if you were good in bed? Give her this form to fill out.

How to Give a Great Man-To-Man Hug.

Dance moves: An Emergency guide for Men (via Arbroath)

BECAUSE I AM A MAN

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has set in. AAA is not an option. I will win.
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Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm
looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of Holy
Communion.
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Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.
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Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. (F.Y.I. guys cumin is a spice and not a bodily
function)
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Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
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Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss an entire show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator..applies to engineers mainly).
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Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
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Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother too.
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Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.... and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
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Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
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Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2007, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest... like looking for my socks, or like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.

The Cock

(Thanks, Eva!)
An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that under your arm?"

The old farmer said, "That's my pet rooster Chucky. Wherever I go, Chucky goes."

"I'm sorry, sir," said the ticket agent. "We can't allow animals in the theater."

The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two widows named Mildred and Marge.

The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unzipped his pants so Chucky could stick his head out and watch the movie.

"Marge," whispered Mildred.

"What?" said Marge.

"I think the guy next to me is a pervert."

"What makes you think so?" asked Marge.

"He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out," whispered Mildred.

"Well, don't worry about it," said Marge. "At our age we've seen 'em all."

"I thought so too," said Mildred, "but this one's eating my popcorn!"

Previously on Miss Cellania: Manliness, Men, Male Anatomy, Male Sexuality, Mr. Right, and Manly Men.

Thought for today: In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. -John Adams (Thanks, Liz!)

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