Squirrels Gone Bad
Friday, 03.23.07 @ 12:09AM 
It’s enough to give you nightmares. Or at least the Willies, which is almost as bad as the heebie-jeebies. Consider how we’ve treated squirrels. We hunt them, eat them, fling them, erect barriers against them, exterminate them, and make fun of them on the web. I’ve been guilty of at least the last one. The most common Google search term that brings people to this site is “drunk squirrel”. How can they help but have revenge on their puny little minds? Individual acts of warfare by squirrels against humans have already begun. Sooner or later, they are going to band together. When that happens, mankind is doomed.
Drunk Squirrel (va Bits and Pieces)
See this video again with the squirrel’s commentary dubbed in. NSFW! (via b3ta)
Many tales of squirrels gone bad.
Burglar squirrel ransacks house. 
The Useless Men have advice for dealing with troublesome squirrels.
Musical ode to a pet squirrel.
This squirrel has nuts.
Squirrel attacks a deer!
What is it? A bald squirrel? Why? (via Arbroath)
Scary Squirrel World Travel Alerts. So you’ll know ahead of time where the evil squirrels lurk.
Here’s a music video starring a squirrel! Lets all dance!
See Pikku Orava, the guitar-playing squirrel! If you can’t read Finnish, at least you’ll recognize the “video” button. (via Everlasting Blort)
My favorite squirrel is Scrat from the Ice Age movies. See him (still chasing an acorn) in his own animated short.
Mississippi Squirrel Revival
A bizarre squirrel vs. bike incident leaves a Finnish opera singer with a broken nose.
The case has been cracked! Who stole all those American flags from a cemetary in Wisconsin? Blame the squirrel! 
Beware of Tufty, the Traffic Safety Squirrel. If that weren’t bad enough, check out the naughty b3ta version. (NSFW audio)
The burning question is: How lethal is squirrel saliva?
Twirl A Squirrel! This device is activated by a squirrel’s weight, and slings him off a birdfeeder.
More anti-squirrel devices.
A town in England is considering building a bridge exclusively for red squirrels. Grey and black squirrels must find another route.
Scotland is overrun with gray squirrels. Official must decide whether to give them contraceptives or “cranial dispatch”.
REVENGE
There's a man trying to cross the street. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him. The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him.
So the man turns around to go back, but the car changes lanes again and is still coming at him.
By now, the car is so close and the man so scared that he just freezes and stops in the middle of the road. The car gets real close, then swerves at the last possible moment and screeches to a halt right next him.
The driver rolls down the window.
The driver is a squirrel.
The squirrel says to the man says, "See, it's not as easy as it looks, is it?"
Previously on Miss Cellania: Squirrels
Thought for today: You can't be friends with a squirrel! A squirrel is just a rat with a cuter outfit. -Sarah Jessica Parker (Sex and the City)
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Reader Comments (18)
*Squirrels United Against Human Depravations
Where do the fantods fit into that continuum?
Boo squirrels!!!
By the way, MissC, see if you can track down the scene from Scrubs in which the Janitor holds his nightly stuffed squirrel convention...
I remember one day when Angus was young, and I caught him barking like crazy at a tree in our backyard. Looking up in the tree, I saw a squirrel on a branch, and I thought he was just barking at it for fun. Then I saw that squirrel pick up an acorn, take very careful aim with both hands, and throw it down at Angus' head.
I let him bark away.
How about a post on straws? The symbol for suck it up. You know everyewhere you go almost in NYC you get straws. Like how you only get sweet tea in the south, Coke in Atlanta and Pepsi in Winston-Salem.
I just had to think of something you haven't covered. How about Dr. Pepper.
http://www.roadsideamerica.com/attract/WALONsquirrelbridge.html
Hail to the squirrel.