My father wanted me to study physics. At the time, I didn’t even know what physics was. These many years later, I’m still not sure. Its some kind of science, so I’ll do a post on it. I found a lot of physics jokes at Science Jokes, but I didn’t understand hardly any of them. I bet physics professors would laugh their asses off. But I managed to scare up a few physics things that appeal to those of us with a somewhat limited understanding of science.

Ask A Ninja: Physics

You’ve heard the phrase “like nailing jelly to the wall” to describe a difficult task. Graeme Cole decided to find out exactly how difficult it was to nail jelly (or Jello for Americans) to a wall. He chronicled his experiment step-by-step with pictures. (via the Presurfer)

Send an Einstein ecard!

The Order of the Science Scouts of Exemplary Repute and Above Average Physique.

Ten Laws of Physics that Don’t Apply in Hollywood.

Cartoon Physics.

Women and their contribution to physics.

Found in a college physics text. Yep, thats whats in the mind of a physicist.

Galileo said that objects will drop to the ground at the same speed, no matter their weight. A hammer and a feather should land at the same time. However, objects on earth are affected by air resistance, causing the feather to float around. In July, 1971, Apollo 15 astronaut David Scott put Galileo’s theory of gravitational pull to the test on the moon. (via Grow-A-Brain)

LAWS OF PHYSICS

Law of Selective Gravity: An object will fall so as to do the most damage.

Jenning's Corollary: The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

Truth decays into beauty, while beauty soon becomes merely charm. Charm ends up as strangeness, and even that doesn't last, but up and down are forever.

Conan O’Brien and Jim Carrey on Quantum Physics

 

Prof. Jacobs's Definitions

CHROMOSPHERE: Reflective globe found hanging in dance halls.
ORION: An Irish constellation of Winter in northern latitudes.
FLU SEASON: Time of year associated with Orion, Leonids and CMaj.
FLU: Disease directly proportional to seeing conditions.
TELESCOPE: Device designed to ensure a profitable flu season.
DARK MATTER: A morbid subject
DIAGNOSTIC: One who believes 2 may neither be proved nor disproved
ASTRONOMER: One who watches and catalogues nocturnal emissions; see VOYEUR.
METEORITES: Pending legislation permitting meteors to traverse U.S. air space.
QUARK:  Sound made by duck with speech impediment.
MESON:  Member of secret sub-atomic society.
MU MESON:  Bovine member of above society.
RELATIVITY: A gathering of family members.
ASTEROID BELT:  Used to keep the asteroids in place.
RARIFACTION: First indication a species may be endangered.
PARADIGM: Twenty cents.
NUCLEOTIDE: Effect of moon on an atom.
MAX PLANCK: The biggest board you can find.
PLANCK CONSTANT: A board of uniform dimensions.
LIGHT YEAR: The opposite of a HEAVY YEAR.
TACHYON: A sticky particle.
PERISCOPE: Close approach to instrument used for viewing periwinkles.
GLUONS: Little stickers featuring cartoon characters you find all over the
   fridge, front door, bathroom walls, library books, etc. Origin, unknown.

SHEER POETRY: Schroedinger’s Cat

(via The Straight Dope)

Dear Cecil:

Cecil, you're my final hope
Of finding out the true Straight Dope
For I have been reading of Schroedinger's cat
But none of my cats are at all like that.
This unusual animal (so it is said)
Is simultaneously live and dead!
What I don't understand is just why he
Can't be one or other, unquestionably.
My future now hangs in between eigenstates.
In one I'm enlightened, the other I ain't.
If you understand, Cecil, then show me the way
And rescue my psyche from quantum decay.
But if this queer thing has perplexed even you,
Then I will and won't see you in Schroedinger's zoo.

--Randy F., Chicago

Dear Randy:

Schroedinger, Erwin! Professor of physics!
Wrote daring equations! Confounded his critics!
(Not bad, eh? Don't worry. This part of the verse
Starts off pretty good, but it gets a lot worse.)
Win saw that the theory that Newton'd invented
By Einstein's discov'ries had been badly dented.
What now? wailed his colleagues. Said Erwin, "Don't panic,
No grease monkey I, but a quantum mechanic.
Consider electrons. Now, these teeny articles
Are sometimes like waves, and then sometimes like particles.
If that's not confusing, the nuclear dance
Of electrons and suchlike is governed by chance!
No sweat, though--my theory permits us to judge
Where some of 'em is and the rest of 'em was."
Not everyone bought this. It threatened to wreck
The comforting linkage of cause and effect.
E'en Einstein had doubts, and so Schroedinger tried
To tell him what quantum mechanics implied.
Said Win to Al, "Brother, suppose we've a cat,
And inside a tube we have put that cat at--
Along with a solitaire deck and some Fritos,
A bottle of Night Train, a couple mosquitoes
(Or something else rhyming) and, oh, if you got 'em,
One vial prussic acid, one decaying ottom
Or atom--whatever--but when it emits,
A trigger device blasts the vial into bits
Which snuffs our poor kitty. The odds of this crime
Are 50 to 50 per hour each time.
The cylinder's sealed. The hour's passed away. Is
Our pussy still purring--or pushing up daisies?
Now, you'd say the cat either lives or it don't
But quantum mechanics is stubborn and won't.
Statistically speaking, the cat (goes the joke),
Is half a cat breathing and half a cat croaked.
To some this may seem a ridiculous split,
But quantum mechanics must answer, "Tough @#&!
We may not know much, but one thing's fo' sho':
There's things in the cosmos that we cannot know.
Shine light on electrons--you'll cause them to swerve.
The act of observing disturbs the observed--
Which ruins your test. But then if there's no testing
To see if a particle's moving or resting
Why try to conjecture? Pure useless endeavor!
We know probability--certainty, never.'
The effect of this notion? I very much fear
'Twill make doubtful all things that were formerly clear.
Till soon the cat doctors will say in reports,
"We've just flipped a coin and we've learned he's a corpse."'
So saith Herr Erwin. Quoth Albert, "You're nuts.
God doesn't play dice with the universe, putz.
I'll prove it!" he said, and the Lord knows he tried--
In vain--until fin'ly he more or less died.
Win spoke at the funeral: "Listen, dear friends,
Sweet Al was my buddy. I must make amends.
Though he doubted my theory, I'll say of this saint:
Ten-to-one he's in heaven--but five bucks says he ain't."

--CECIL ADAMS

Physics in the Real World

Thought for today: The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology. -Stanislaw Ulam

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