Sometimes I’m confused. As the mama to two young ladies, I am supposed to frown upon fart jokes and teach them how to be ladylike. At the same time, they come out with some of the funniest jokes and songs I’ve ever heard, and I can’t help but laugh. In a perfect world, their daddy would laugh while I run to the kitchen, or at least hide my face. Then after I pulled myself together, I’d explain why this is inappropriate. As it is, they are watching for my reaction. They’ve got a lot to learn. Grandma asked them if they  knew any new songs.. of course they did... “Beans, beans, good for your...” Who taught you that? "Mama!" Fart jokes are funny, and in the worst context, they are funnier than ever. Remember Saur’s Christmas Fart? Or Musikdude’s story Christmas -What A Gas! Sometimes you just can’t help but laugh!

Japanese scientists tackle the problem of smelly farts. This video is ten minutes long, but it gets funnier along the way. Would someone please add subtitles to this?! (via TV in Japan)

Facts on Farts.

Pull My Finger.

The Fart Farm has files of fart sounds. Warning: May be loud.

CreateFarts lets you design a fart and send it to a friend.

Five great fart-lighting videos.

In Tilde’s Fart Game, the object is to fart on as many rats as possible in 90 seconds.

The Japanese Firefox logo has a gas problem.

Captain Kirk is kidding himself.

Flatulence can get you beat up in jail! (via Look At This)

A word from our sponsor, Glade Plug-Ups. Audio NSFW! (via Everlasting Blort)

Fart Techniques.

The professional farter. (Thanks, Admin!)

THE COW

(via Holtie’s House)
Ole is a farmer in Minnesota. He is in need of a new milk cow and hears about a nice one for sale over in Nordakota (that would be 'North Dakota' for you non-Scandahoovians out there).

He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow.

Ole reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the teat and pulls...the cow farts.

Ole is very surprised.

He looks at the farmer who is selling the cow, then reaches under the cow to try again. He grabs another teat, pulls, and the cow farts again. Milk does come out however, so after some discussion with the cow's current owner, Ole decides to buy the cow and take it home.

When he gets back to Minnesota, he calls over his neighbor, Sven, and says, "Hey, Sven, come and look at dis here new cow I yust bought. Pull her teat, and see vat happens."

Sven reaches under, pulls the teat - and the cow farts.

Sven looks at Ole and says, "You bought dis here cow in Nordakota, didn't yah?"

Ole is very surprised since he hadn't told Sven about his trip. "Yah, dats right. But how did you know?"

Sven says, "My wife is from Nordakota."

JET FUEL

(Thanks, Eva!)
Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft  mechanics in Philadelphia. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"

Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?"

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get  completely smashed. The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings. It's Jim. Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"

Bud says, "I ! feel great. How about you?"

Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"

Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."

"Yeah, well there's just one thing."

"What's that?"

"Have you farted yet?"

"No "

"Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in Denver."

Belgian Farting Pig. I love how they felt it neccessary to subtitle the fart sound.

Thought for today: I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different. -Kurt Vonnegut

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