Miss Cellania

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Overheard

And this, fellow readers, is why Miss Cellania is probably the best writer we've ever had. A thing of beauty. -YesButNoButYes

...Miss Cellania who’s wonderfully funny and knowledgeable and also happens to write for Mental Floss. Her personal blog is updated as often as any multi-contributor blog site and has some wonderful gems... -Infinite Well

Miss Cellania has links, doctored-up photos staring Miss C. herself and YouTube videos from anywhere and everywhere on the internet. If it's funny, you'll probably see it first on her blog. -Suzanne Broughton

Miss Cellania has a site that is to die for. Whenever it’s time for a bit of a smile, interspersed with a gaffaw or two, I head on over there. -Compass Points

If you’re jonesing for more links you may want to visit Miss Cellania’s blog. Or should I say blogs. She’s like the blogosphere’s version of that Jamaican family from In Living Color. She has more blogs than they had jobs. If she starts contributing to one more blog I’m going to stage an intervention. -Cynical-C

I could never in a million years come up with half the wonderful facts, news, links et al that pepper every post she creates. -Mad Baggage

It’s a fantastic set of funny and interesting links, jokes and pictures that she compiled *every day*! -Neatorama

She finds the coolest, funniest stuff day after day. How on earth she does this I have no clue. -NYC Educator

I don't even know how I found Miss C, but I remember the first time I was there, I burned my chocolate chip cookies. I just couldn't stop browsing! Fun stuff over there. -Boomer Chick

If you're not regularly heading over and reading her well compiled, link-filled-goodness posts already, then maybe you should take a step back and do some self reflection and introspection to make sure your life is headed the direction it needs to be and that you're on a path that is fulfilling to you and your fellow man, as a person and as an American. -Hoodlumman

Funniest woman alive. -Pixie

It is quite possibly one of the most extensive sites I have seen for links to humourous content. It is a virtual encyclopedia for a myriad of different jokes on different topics and still growing. So a good site and worth checking out, theres definitely something for everyone, or anyone whos up for a laugh that is! -Mr. Joe Blog

BTW - you quite possibly put together the best, most well researched content on the web, bigtime kudos to you! -Anita B

One place I keep going back to is Miss Cellania. She really has it going on over there. Her posts are chock full of stuff I've never seen before, along with a few old favorites I had forgotten about. Anyone that can consistently come up with that much good stuff deserves kudos. -Blue Beaver Beer

Miss Cellania - is a great read, and there’s more than enough laughs to kill an evening with, on any given day. Miss C has her fingers on the pulse of every joke on the web that you haven’t seen yet. -Saskboy

(Funny, if a tad lowbrow) -Utopia Moment

Fabulous as usual..I appreciate all of the effort..and I am truly humbled. -Homo Escapeons

I'm not even sure why I thought her post is funny, but it is. That's all you're getting from me. Go read it. -konagod

YAY! Miss Cellania knows I'm alive!! -Fuzzy Dave

Gifts

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« Fart | Main | Aliens from Outer Space »
Tuesday
06Feb2007

Eyes

eyeballstitle.jpgMost of my life, I’ve been proud of my terrific vision. I’d take a driver’s test and see objects way beyond what was required. The tester would say “that’s enough.” Once I was told I had 20/10 vision, meaning I could see at 20 feet what most normal folks could only see at ten feet. Those days are over. My mother warned me that it would go downhill after 40, and she was right. A few years ago I finally broke down and had my first eye exam in decades, after I had trouble threading a needle. The verdict: bifocals. Now I wear them for all activities except housework and computer work. The computer is the perfect distance for my sight, but reading from paper makes me feel like they’ve change print size lately, and outside I don’t feel comfortable if I can’t see the leaves on distant trees. How about you- has age affected your sight as well?

This lady can bulge her eyes!

Peephole.

More creepy eyes.

How to protect yourself from The Evil Eye.

Your Eyes Should Be Green
Your eyes reflect: Striking attractiveness and danger What's hidden behind your eyes: A vivid inner world

What Color Should Your Eyes Be?
Funny, they got that one right. My eyes ARE green! 

Nagi Noda is a Japanese video designer who has been called “one of the most influential woman in Japan.” She was the brains behind the Poodle Exercise video entitled "FITNESS VIDEO for being appraised as an EX-FAT GIRL" we saw last year. Here is another of her many projects. (via Everlasting Blort)

Vespa illusion, a pretty neat optical thingy.

Dr. Fun’s Eyeball Humor.

A Photoshop tutorial on how to put funny eyeballs on pictures.

The Amy Sedaris Craft Challenge asks for pictures of food made cute with eyeballs. Go see whats already been submitted.

carroteyesurgerycarrot.jpg

EYE CHART

(via Bits and Pieces)
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eyesight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the guy replied, "I know the guy."

WINKING

(via Wulfweard)
A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled.

"Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry....we can't hire you."

eyesillusionnosex.jpg

"But wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!"

"Really? Great! Show me!"

So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.

"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over, the country!"

"Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"

"Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"

"Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a chemist, winking, and asked for aspirin?"

eyedoc.jpg 

THE EXAM

A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses.

The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while covering the right eye.

The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor, in disgust, took a paper lunch bag with a hole to see through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters. As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face.

"Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about getting glasses."

"I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames."

Darkness Light Darkeness by  Jan Svankmajer (1990).

Thought for today: Who are you gonna believe, me, or your lyin’ eyes?

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Reader Comments (15)

LOL..I have 20/20 vision at 5 feet. When I see six feet, I cut back on whatever's being added to my coffee...
02.06.07 @ 05:35AM | Unregistered CommenterSkunkfeathers
I had 20/10, 20/15 vision all my life too before going to the eye dude.

I got my first pair of glasses at 39. Headaches got me sent to the optometrist for an astigmatism diagnosis. I was a little bummed....but I do remember being amazed at how much better I could see with my glasses (reading/driving at night mainly);
02.06.07 @ 05:41AM | Unregistered CommenterCarlos
Sigh. Instead of bifocals, I have glasses for both reading and driving.

Aging is not for sissies!
02.06.07 @ 09:04AM | Unregistered CommenterLisaBinDaCity
The Youngest complained after his last eye test, that he felt unchallenged. After reading the last line, he said, "What? Is that all you got?? Gimme some more!" :)
02.06.07 @ 10:17AM | Unregistered CommenterSophmom
I"d repln bit O lefg mt readung glsssds at h0me
02.06.07 @ 03:02PM | Unregistered Commenteractor212
The long-time joke in my family is that my uncle, who had exceptionally good vision, was asked to read the bottom line of the eye chart. He looked at the smallest print way down at the bottom of the screen and read "made in China."

I have terrible vision. Thank goodness for contacts!
02.06.07 @ 03:27PM | Unregistered CommenterMonique
Nope. I'm at 40 years plus change, always had perfect vision.

Dad's given me the same sage warning your Mom gave you, but I know it'll never happen to me because I'm Superman.

So far.
02.06.07 @ 03:29PM | Unregistered CommenterMorgan K Freeberg
I think I know why we have so many UFOs coming to Kentucky. It's because Miss Cellania is out of this world! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3rxU8jn3Mw
02.06.07 @ 04:34PM | Unregistered CommenterReader
'bout time you got glasses....it's positively UNDIGNIFIED for a woman your age to be drinking out of a bottle! (insert evil grin here)

on the other hand, an attractive blonde with glasses...sigh...that's my weakness.

e
02.06.07 @ 04:42PM | Unregistered Commentere
I had excellent vision, too, until I turned 40. I now need glasses to read, and I read for a living, so I am not too happy. Hey, that video where the woman's eyes bulge out was really gross!
02.06.07 @ 06:29PM | Unregistered CommenterRHEA
I'm sorry. I'm still freaked out over the lady who can bulge her eyes out! YIKES!!!!!
02.06.07 @ 08:07PM | Unregistered CommenterJacq
That's weird with all the synfuel dust in Kentucky.
02.06.07 @ 09:58PM | Unregistered CommenterSenor
Where is that "eye twins" picture from ... they're so CUTE! =)
02.06.07 @ 11:25PM | Unregistered CommenterAnita
Anita, I'm pretty sure thats from a company that sells mascot costumes. I don't know if they've ever sold these or not!
02.06.07 @ 11:31PM | Registered CommenterMiss Cellania
my eyes were perfect until I hit 40, then wham, they started downhill and have been headed that way ever since (although whenever I go to the optometrist I keep hoping she'll tell me they've improved, what with my healthy diet and all) I've been using a separate pair of drug store glasses for a few years now when I'm at the computer, or when I'm browsing shelves at the library, etc. This past christmas I finally broke down and got tri-focals. Bummer.
02.07.07 @ 01:52PM | Unregistered CommenterEd

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