Gender differences have always fascinated me. I've collected a lot of funnies about the subject, so here's another chapter in a recurring series. Now, before you read the rest of this, remember I LOVE men. I also have a high respect for women. The stereotypes can by funny, though, and you probably need a laugh. You've probably noticed than men and women do things differently. Taken to extreme, it can be just plain funny.

When I first posted this in 2005, only about 6 people read this site. Now there's a different half-dozen people coming around, so I didn't think it would be any shame to repost. These procedures, whether real or stereotyped, are still funny!

BANKING

 
THE ATM
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.

MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
 8. Insert card.
9. Reinsert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
 12. Press cancel and reenter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Recheck makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty handbag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

HOW TO SHOWER

The first time I published this post, you had to scroll through this entire routine. Now thanks to YouTube, you can just watch the video. How to Shower, for both men and women.


HIS and HERS Road Trip

HERS:
Pulls off at wrong exit.

opens window

asks directions of a knowledgeable police officer

Arrives at destination presently.

HIS:
Pulls off at wrong exit absolutely positive it's the correct one.

Drives five miles into wilderness, still thinks he's right.

Drives an extra 5 miles just in case.

Finally rolls down window just to get fresh air

 Pulls up to a 7 -11

Gets three hot-dogs, a large slurpee, and beef jerky

Asks person behind counter how to get back onto the highway.

Gets back into car.

Laughs at the idea of looking at a map as he pulls away from the 7-11.

Drives down a dirt road with no street lights insisting this is the way back because guy from 7-11 said it was.

Almost hits a deer

Curses the night

Curses you

Curses the large slurpee

Drives and fiddles with radio.

Yells at you for suggesting the map again

Admits he didn't want to go to Thanksgiving at your sister's anyway.

He hates your sister.

 Ever since she called him a pernicious weasel

He had to look up pernicious.

Couldn't find a dictionary.

Finally found a dictionary

Couldn't spell pernicious.

Seethes at the memory of it all

But she is laughing inside...

And of course you're still lost.

If you enjoyed this post, there's more like it in the Mars and Venus section, and more saved from the old site.

Thought for today: According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is her eyes. Women say the first thing they notice about men is that they're a bunch of liars.

This post originally appeared on November 21, 2005.

male female humor gender man woman funny

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