Horses
Thursday, 02.22.07 @ 12:06AM 
This started when I moved to Missouri to attend college, and I run into it no matter where I go out of state. As soon as someone hears my voice, they are distracted from what I’m saying and immediately ask where I’m from. “Kentucky, huh? I bet you ride horses.”
No. I don’t. I have, but that was just a few occasions many years ago. This state is bigger than Churchhill Downs. But the northern half of the state (where I don’t live) is the breeding grounds of the finest horseflesh the world has ever seen. When we try to decide the most famous Kentucky athlete ever, its a “horse race” between Muhammed Ali and Man O’War. Still, about all I know about horses is that there’s some funny ones on the internet.
I posted about Patches, the Amazing Horse before, but now he’s on YouTube.
In the wake of Barbaro’s passing, Bonanza Jellybean talks about when to put a horse down or not.
PAgent spent some time horseback riding on his vacation. And feeling sorry for the horse.
MommaK’s first riding lesson.
Meet Thumbelina, the world’s smallest horse. (via Arbroath)
Miniature Horses as aids for blind people. (via Look at This)
Waterskiing Horse
The iJoy Ride is supposed to be an exericize machine. I look at it (especially the video) and see a mechanical horse!
I LOVE these singing horses! Click each horse to make him/her start or stop singing.
I’m not too sure about the point of this film. Its an advertisement for a German company. Its beautiful, though! (via Ursi’s Blog)
CLASS
(via Old Horsetail Snake)
To set the parameters for the class, the professor began by asking some questions.
To a female student: "What is the opposite of joy?"
Student: "That would be sadness."
To another female student: "What is the opposite of depression?"
Student: "That is elation."
To a male student: "And you, young man, what is the opposite of woe?"
Student: "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."
RACING
Three racing horses were hanging in the bar, trying to impress each other.
The first said, "Well, I've raced 25 times and won 17 of them."
The other one, "Uh, that's nothing man, I've started 54 times and was the winner 45 of them."
The third laughed and said, "You're a couple of losers. I have done 84 races and I won 76!"
Suddenly a voice from below was humming and a Greyhound Wippet was going "Hrrrm, hrrrmm... I just would like to say that I have raced 150 times and won all of them!"
The horses were stunned ...and couldn't say anything at first. At last one of them cried out,
"HEY GUY's, A TALKING DOG!"
Snowball Fight
THE RACETRACK
One day while he was at the track betting on the ponies and nearly losing his shirt, Mitch noticed a priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.
Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race!
Mitch was most interested to see what the priest did the next race. Sure enough, the priest stepped out onto the track as the 5th race horses lined up, and placed a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses. Mitch made a beeline for the window and placed a small bet on the horse.
Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race.
Mitch collected his winnings and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest would bless for the 6th race.
The priest showed, blessed a horse, Mitch bet on it, and it won! Mitch was elated! As the day went on, the priest continued blessing horses, and they always came in first.
Mitch began to pull in some serious money, and by the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick stop at the ATM, withdrew his savings, and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.
True to his pattern, the priest stepped out onto the track before the last race and blessed the forehead, eyes, ears, and hooves of one of the horses.
Mitch bet every cent, and watched the horse come in dead last. Mitch was dumbfounded. He made his way to the track, and when he found the priest,he demanded, "What happened, Father? All day long you blessed horses and they won. The last race, you blessed a horse and he lost. Now, thanks to you, I've lost all my savings!!"
The priest nodded wisely and said, "That's the problem with Protestants--you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and the Last Rites!"
When a a horse is born to race, he’ll race anyone. (via the Presurfer)
Horses Racing Today
The lineup:
1. Passionate Lady
2. Bare Belly
3. Silk Panties
4. Conscience
5. Jockey Shorts
6. Clean Sheets
7. Smooth Thighs
8. Big Johnson
9. Heavy Bosom
10. Merry Cherry
And they're off!
Conscience is left behind at the post.
Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry!
Heavy Bosom is being pressured.
Passionate Lady is caught between Smooth Thighs and Big Johnson in a very tight spot.
At the halfway mark it's Bare Belly on top!
Smooth Thighs open up and Big Johnson is pressed in.
Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets.
Passionate Lady and Smooth Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly!
Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Johnson!
At the stretch Merry Cherry cracks under the strain.
Big Johnson is making a final drive.
Passionate Lady is coming!
At the finish it's Big Johnson giving everything he's got and Passionate Lady taking everything Big Johnson has to offer!
It looks like a dead heat but Big Johnson squirts through and wins by a head!
Heavy Bosom weakens and Smooth Thighs pulls-up the rear.
Clean Sheets never had a chance.
Thought for today: You know horses are smarter than people. You never heard of a horse going broke betting on people. ~Will Rogers
PS. Happy Birthday today to Jules at Theater of the Absurd! Y'all should go visit her site; she's a hoot!
humor jokes video funny games horse pony horse race equine
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Reader Comments (8)
I heard that Utah has more horses per capita than any other state; due to having more horses on smaller pieces of land. Don't know if it's true but I thought it was interesting. Studding horses are allowed here, believe it or not. LOL
Have a great day!
Being sore after riding is the best feeling, because you just know you've used every muscle in your legs and rear!
Kentucky on the other hand was ok. My wife went to Asbury.
So to sum up: Kentucky "good"; Horses "bad."
Also, this is very dark humor but here's the url for the "Horse hater" site: http://horsehater.blogspot.com/