Sunday will mark the 79th annual Academy Awards ceremony. It will be carried live on TV, of course, 8PM on ABC. As as usual, I haven’t seen any of the nominated movies. That doesn’t mean I don’t love movies, because I do! I just don’t go to the theater much anymore, and I don’t want to spend time watching videos alone. I’ve seen a few movies with the kids: Charlotte’s Web, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest, Happy Feet... I think that’s all. Still, I will watch the Oscars Sunday night, to see who’s wearing the ugliest dress, enjoy host Ellen DeGeneris’ antics, and take notes on what movies I might watch if I ever get a date.

The official site of the Academy Awards. The complete nominee list.

You’ll get all the information you ever wanted and more on the Academy Awards from Oscarwatch. This site has promoted the Oscars for seven years without incident, but is now in trouble for using the Oscar name!

Eleni’s NYC makes fantastically decorated cookies for all occassions. For the Oscars, there are several sets available: Best Actor, Best Actress, Best Picture, and Hollywood Quotes. Pricy, but they will impress the movie buffs at your Oscar-watching party! (via YesButNoButYes)

Lots more Oscar party ideas and information.

Jellio’s opinion on who should win.

You’ve been too busy reading my blog and haven’t gotten your acceptance speech ready! What if you win? Help is on the way, in the form of the Academy Award Acceptance Speech Generator!

Can you identify these quotes from Oscar-winning movies?

The Bear Wit Project (from the Muppets)

So, just how many people did die in that movie? No need to count them, the answer is at Body Counts. (via Dump Trumpet)

The Top 20 Movie Fat Guys. (via Gorilla Mask)

Actual English subtitles used in films made in Hong Kong. (via Arbroath)

There will be no smoking in this theater. Strong Bad explains what else is wrong with the theater.

Repost: My first Bollywood production.

ANY FILM CAN BE A HORROR FLICK

If the music is right.

Charlotte’s Web.

When Harry Met Sally.
The Titanic.
Mary Poppins.
Sleepless in Seattle.
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.
And as a bonus, a real horror flick remixed as a romantic comedy: The Shining.

KEY GRIPS

A Key Grip and his assistant were on location by the bay. So at lunchtime they hired a boat and went fishing. In half an hour they had a boat full of fish. The Key Grip looked at his watch and said "We had better head back now."

At which point the assistant pulls the tape roll off his belt and puts a big X in the middle of the boat.

The Key Grip gives him a weird look and says, "What are you doing?"

The assistant replies,"WELL!! This is such a good spot, we want to be able to find it again."

The Key Grip shakes his head and says,"YOU IDIOT!!!! We might not get the same boat next time."

Mother Goose Goes to Hollywood

BIGWIGS

A director, his director of photography, and a producer were stranded on a desert island.

One day a brass lamp washed up to shore and they all rubbed it. Out popped a genie who announced he would grant them each one wish.

The director of photography wished to return to his home so he could be with his family. Poof! He vanished.

The producer wished he could have a job with a corner office with a great view. Poof! He vanished.

The director said, "I wish the producer and director of photography were back here with me, I'm not used to making a decision without them."

Cinema de Merde, a website of cheesy, unintentionally funny, and just plain bad movies.

The Internet Film Laser Squad’s 100 Funniest Movies of All Time.

The Greatest Movie Speeches Ever. With videos. (via Gorilla Mask)

They don’t make ‘em like that anymore! The best classic movies available from Netflix. (via All Night Surfing)

The Ten Lamest Movie Villians.

NotStarring.com tells the tales of actors who were considered for certain parts, then either were not selected or turned the role down. Its a great collection of “what ifs?”

THE MOVIE THEATER

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, ''Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat.''

The man groaned but didn't budge.

The usher became impatient. ''Sir,'' the usher said, ''if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager.''

Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.

In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.

The cop surveyed the situation briefly. ''All right buddy, what's your name?''

''Sam,'' the man moaned.

''Where ya from, Sam?'' the cop asked.

''The balcony.''

Previously on Miss Cellania: Old Movies and Making Movies

Thought for today: Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul. -Marilyn Monroe

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