Valentines
Wednesday, 02.14.07 @ 12:01AM 
The earlier Valentines Day post I did turned out to be quite popular... the second time around. How could I gather enough material to do another on the actual holiday? Ha! I didn’t even have to look hard, the links just rolled in like household pests the last few days. I took care of some of them (the food-related items) by shifting them over to Mental Floss. What I have for you today are some wild and wacky valentines you can send out or just laugh at. Yes, its too late for the snail mail stuff, but maybe you can tuck those away for next year. Or send them late, and blame it on the Post Office.
Cupid
Yeah, its viral marketing for Herbal Essense, but its funny! Also see Cupid in his rap video and a pole dance audition.
The Morbid Curiosity Shop has a featured Valentine card inspired by Jeffrey Dahmer.
Kipling West and Tom Bagley did some Valentines for the Zombie Valentines Show in Calgary. Take a look at these and this one, too.
You should know by now how I feel about diamonds. If you’re going to give her a ring for Valentines Day, make it this one.
Funny ecard Valentines from Treehouse Greetings.
A real quick and cheap valentine to send a guy would be this link.
Breakup girl has anti-Valentine hearts with the html for sending and posting. More 
tragic candy hearts.
The perverted geek’s box of valentine candy. Geek Valentine Shirt.
The world’s awfulest Valentines. From b3ta, of course. NSFW!
Bad Cupid’s wicked valentines.
I Do... Now I Don’t is an auction site for jilted lovers. Sell that old engagment or wedding ring to someone who won’t have the same horrible memories when they see it. Or if you are optimistic, you can buy one at a great price! (via Neatorama)
These Anti-Valentine eCards would be perfect if the site were working.
This t-shirt explains what that “heart” symbol means. (via Gorilla Mask)
According to the National Retail Federation, the average consumer will spend $119.67 on Valentine’s Day. Men are the big buyers, averaging about $156, while women will shell out about $85 this year. Of course, you COULD spend a lot more than that! See the Top Ten Most Expensive Valentines Gifts.
el Corazon by Hard ‘N Phirm (a love song for cardiologists)
The Groovin’ Greasers celebrate Valentine’s Day. (via It Occurred to Me)
Skunkfeathers on Valentines Day.
Fork you: Cannibal-themed Valentine. See more in that vein in the Vintage Valentine gallery.
Strong Bad explains how teenage girls do Vamlumtimes Day.
The 2nd Annual Anti-Valentine’s Day Contest is going on at Cafe Press. Submit your anti-Valentine’s Day design by February 14. They’ve already got some killer entries that you can get on a t-shirt for yourself or your un-loved one.
The Valentine’s Love Poem Generator. (via Neatorama) It generated this one for me.
I wrote this letter especially for you
To prove that my love for you is true
Miss Cellania, my dear sweetheart
let our roads never go apart
Miss Cellania, you are unbelievably beautiful
When I am near you my heart goes like a raging bull
The moment I saw you my heart was sold
The two of us together will never be cold
Miss Cellania, you mean so much to me
I never knew this could be
You are my sweetheart day by day
I hope you will never go away
I hope you can put this chocolate to use
It is a gift you cannot refuse
This poem has come to an end
There are many more I would like to send
I posted this link before, but it is appropriate to repost. Because I wrote it. Ten reasons to hate Valentines Day.
Aussie Love Poem
(Thanks, Phil!)
Of course I love ya darling
Your a bloody top notch bird
And when I say ur gorgeous
I mean every single word
So ya bum is on the big side
I don't mind a bit of flab
It means that when I'm ready
There's somethin there to grab
So your belly isn't flat no more
I tell ya, I don't care
So long as when I cuddle ya
I can get my arms around there
No sheila who is your age
Has nice round perky breasts
They just gave into gravity
But I know ya did ya best
I'm tellin ya the truth now
I never tell ya lies
I think its very sexy
That youv got dimples on ya thighs
I swear on me nannas grave now
The moment that we met
I thought u was as good as
I was ever gonna get
No matter wot u look like
I'll always love ya dear
Now shut up while the footy's on
And get me another beer!
Jack the Ripper Valentines
Kisses and thanks to JTR Forums for the weird and wonderful Valentines! This one is from the forum.
This one is to Mary Kelly from Jack the Ripper (not even serial killers are exempt from the charms and obligations of Valentine's Day).
This one is from Admin Tim Moseley.
Another Valentine couplet, from Peter Goodyear:
(another love-gone-wrong verse from the female point of view)
I thought you were the perfect Mister,
That is, until you met my sister.
Lorrie sent this one:
You wooed me with love and kisses,
I thought-a perfect fit!
Unfortunately, I overlooked
The fact that you're a shit.
And John sent me this nice valentine.
Linda sent this one, about kids and candy.
And here is MY valentine for YOU!
Thought for today: Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and blows up the bonfire. -François de La Rouchefoucauld
humor jokes video funny games valentine Valentines Day heart sweetheart romance holiday
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Holidays
Reader Comments (13)
What will every one think of us Aussies after you [posted the'Aussie Love Poem"
Crikey!she's a bonza bird that gets me a coldie while the footy's on
Smile
Phil
*tweet*
Ah-hem...
Violets are red, roses are blue,
like cooking and golf,
I think I screwed that up, too...
(small wonder I'm still single, but I digress)
Happy Valentine's Day MsC
Happy Valentine's Day, Miss C. I'd write a poem but no way can I compete with Skunkfeathers!
Happy Valentines day, dear.
Great quote, BTW.
"There are 10 kinds of people in the world...
~ those who understand binary and those who don't!"
<b>Happy Valentines Day Miss C.!</b> ~ jb///