No, not scatological jokes, just funny loos.

Believe it or not, I had twice as many pictures for this post than I used. I didn't even consider the ridiculous amount of outhouse jokes I have, except for the fly toon. I'll have to use those sometime later... much later.

Have you ever had the nightmare pictured here? Another common toilet nightmares are being locked in the toilet.

Clooney in the Loo

George Clooney and a surprise guest congratulate Julia Roberts during AMC's American Cinematheque Tribute.

First, some information: everything you ever need to know about low-flow toilets, and some recommendations. The world's most vehement opponent of low-flow toilets is, of course, Dave Barry.

But the burning question is, can you toilet train an elephant?


My friend Joe sent me this picture about a week ago, but now its everywhere. From the Sofitel in Queenstown, New Zealand. Joe says: The picture of the girl with the measuring tape reminded me of what a friend used to tell his wife, "It's much bigger than it looks, especially in the dark!"

Perfect name for a porta-potty company.

You have to admire these beautiful urinals.

Here's a toilet-themed restaurant.

Things you can buy include: Black toilet paper and The Aquarium Toilet.

How to achieve a more humane, culturally reflective and engaging office bathroom. This article includes the Hierarchy of Bathroom Needs.

Toilet Tunes, your bathroom privacy insurance.

The 12 Greatest Video Game Toilets of All Time. (Thanks, Bill!)

Modern Movements in Toilet Technology.

Note to men: When you must use the ladies room, always close the stall door.



You know you've made some very wise bathroom purchases when they knock the entire building down and the fixtures stay in place.








READ VERY CAREFULLY!
Instructions on how to clean your toilet
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids..

4. The cat will self agitate. You may need to stand on the lid and give the cat time to make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times.This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can,and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

SINCERELY,
THE DOG

White House Tour

Before the his first inauguration, Dubya was invited to a 'get acquainted' tour of the White House.

After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked President Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom. He was astonished to see that the President had a solid gold urinal!

That afternoon, George W. told his wife, Laura, about the urinal.

"Just think," he said, "when I am President, I'll have my own personal gold urinal!"

Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been with his discovery of the fact that, in the President's private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.

That evening, Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed. Hillary turned to Bill and said, "Well, I found out who peed in your saxophone."

See? They always told me there was a pot at the end of the rainbow! (Thanks, Thersa!)

Previously at Miss Cellania: More Toilet Humor, Yet More Toilets, and Toilets Once Again.

Thought for today: When you see the handwriting on the wall, you can bet you're in a public restroom.

The original version of this post first appeared on November 5, 2005.

toilet humor funny urinals