It’s the sixties. You answer a casting call from the TV series Star Trek. You hope that this will be a permanent gig, since those are hard to come by for struggling actors. You haven’t received your lines yet, but wardrobe is ready for you. They hand you a red shirt and say “Welcome to the Enterprise.” Right then and there, you know that this is a one-day job. You are a Red Shirt. Your entire role is to join the landing party in the transporter room, beam down to the planet, and die as soon as the armed residents see you. Back to the temp agency for you!

The term red shirt became used in other arenas besides Star Trek to denote a character (not an actor) who was written into a plot specifically to be killed off. This led to the Red Shirt Effect, defined by Uncyclopedia as “the popular name for induced apathia, a phenomenon that allows people to encounter death and suffering of others with little emotional energy.”

It’s Not Easy Being Red

Teaching analytics with the help of Star Trek. Matt Bailey calculated the mortality rate of characters wearing different-colored shirts on the original Star Trek series. (via Metafilter)

The Red Shirt Society. "We are fans of the unknown guy dressed in red and ready for the away mission on the original series of Star Trek. And every fan of Star Trek [and even folks who aren't fans] knows what happens to the fellows wearing the red uniforms in TOS. No one ever wants to be the red shirts in an episode of Star Trek [espicially the unknown characters wearing the red shirts]."

Get your Red Shirt t-shirt!

OK, the ultimate matchup. Who would win, an Imperial Stormtrooper or a Star Trek redshirt? The caveat is that a Stormtrooper shoots all day and never hits anything, but a redshirt is always killed in the first shooting. Trek forums have their own opinions.

Star Trek: 40 years of vaporizing guys in red shirts.

How many redshirts actually met their match, anyway?

PARDAC, the insurance for red shirts.

The Red Badge of Star Trek Courage.

50 Ways to Kill an Ensign

(to the tune of 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover)
The problem is something ‘bout your clothes, she said to me
The red shirt and the stripeless sleeves yell, “I’m Security!”
And when you get down planet-side with Kirk, you’ll get to see
There must be fifty ways to kill an ensign
He takes a landing party down to find what’s going on
A couple of the bridge crew, and some extras come along
And then before you know it - the `expendable’ are gone
There must be fifty ways to kill an ensign
Fifty ways to kill an ensign

Just step on a rock, Jock
Get thorns from some plants, Lance
A Horta can spray, Ray
Just listen to me
Clouds drink up your blood, Bud
Computers can kill, Bill
You could lose all your salt, Walt
Kirk gets away free…

She said it grieves me so to see you with such nerves
Not ev’ryone who goes with Kirk will suffer from this curse
But then of course, you must recall - they sometimes suffer worse
There must be fifty ways to kill an ensign
Just tell him, “I’m not stupid and I’m not expendable
I’m not going!” Tell him that he’s a Denebian slime devil
And he’s overbearing, swaggering, and dictatorial
He’ll find a new way to kill an ensign
Fifty-one ways to kill an ensign

Don’t mess with a man when he’s watching Star Trek!

The Trouble With Tribbles, Edward Gorey style!

Why you don’t see toilets on Star Trek.

Top Ten Things I Hate About Star Trek. (via Fark)

The Enterprise crew makes the mistake of trying to harness the power of Windows.

Steam Trek: Star Trek as a silent film.

ORIGINAL SERIES JOKES

 
Mr. Spock was experimenting with cloning alien species. His first  experiment was a disaster; the result was ugly and obscene. He decided to get rid of it by jettisoning it out of the hatch. Unfortunately, Captain Kirk saw him do it, and now Spock is facing a charge of making an obscene clone fall.

The new ensign reported to sickbay for her physical.  When stripped, Dr. McCoy nodded approvingly. "You look nice and trim."
"Thanks," she answered. "I weigh one hundred pounds stripped for gym."
McCoy shook his head. "That guy has all the luck!"

McCoy: "I've borrowed Mr. Scott's bagpipes."
Kirk: "But you can't play them."
McCoy: "While I've got them, neither can he!"

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: James T. Kirk:  To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
A: Mr. Scott:  'Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning properly.
   Ah canna work miracles, Captain.
A: Dr. McCoy: Dammit Jim!! I'm a doctor not an farmer!
A: Mr. Spock: Obviously, it was the logical thing to do.
A: Mr. Data: Why is a barn yard fowl crossing a thoroughfare humorous?
A: Mr. Worf: For the honor of all chickens.
A: Counselor Troi: I knew it was going to happen. I could sense it.
A: Computer: Insufficient information.

How many ears does Captain Kirk have?
Three: a left ear, a right ear, and a final front ear.

TOP 10 THINGS WE LEARNED FROM

STAR TREK

* There's never enough power to run away and keep your shields up at the same time.
* Women from other worlds are strangely attracted to pot-bellied ham actors.
* Asked how long to fix the warp core, overestimate the time by at least a day.
* Klingons have yet to discover Oil of Olay.
* Betazoid powers are obviously ineffective during poker games.
* All warp engines can exceed design specifications if you really need them to.
* You can find parking in San Francisco.
* Never ask an android or a Vulcan for a neck rub.
* No matter how many starships you lose as a captain, you'll be given another one.
* If Kirk, Spock, and McCoy need a fourth for a landing party, don't volunteer. You'll die!

Worst Job in Starfleet (red shirt compilation)

If we may flash forward a hundred years, Captain Picard is hosting his annual Christmas party this week! Unfortunately, I had to decline my invitation, mainly due to the embarrassment of last year... but the party is liable to run all week, so check it out!

Previously at Miss Cellania: I have amassed enough posts to create a category just for Star Trek.

Thought for today: How we deal with death is at least as important as how we deal with life. -James Kirk, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

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